As grandparents, we make the effort to enjoy the time we have with our grandkids. But that can’t work if our children or their spouses have hidden agendas and absurd rules. One of our readers reached out to share the demand her DIL had when it came to babysitting her grandson.
Dear Bright Side,
I’ve been watching my grandson (3) 5 days a week for the last 2 years. It was a decision we came to as a family after my DIL decided to return to work. She set out some rules in the very beginning, and I tried my best to make sure I followed every single one of them.
But last week, my DIL called and told me that I wasn’t allowed to babysit my grandson anymore. I was shocked and asked her what happened. She said I’m a bad influence on him because I sneak him treats when I know he’s not allowed to give him any.
I tried to argue, but she didn’t want to listen. She said she found candy wrappers in the trash, and she wouldn’t have such filth in her house. Yes, I brought candy into the house, but it wasn’t for my grandson; it was for me because I’m diabetic.
My DIL hung up before I could explain, and I took a moment to gather my thoughts and figure out if there was something else I might’ve done wrong because this didn’t make any sense. But the next day, I received a phone call that changed everything.
My son called me early in the morning and tried to explain the situation. He said that his wife believed I didn’t follow some of her rules. I was confused because the checklist had become so ingrained in my mind that I couldn’t miss anything if I wanted to.
I froze when I heard his wife in the background. She said, “She was supposed to report to me every time she left the house. She’s putting our son at risk!” That was when I realized what was actually going on. This wasn’t about safety; it was about control.
There was no way I was going to inform her every time I went to the grocery store or filled my car up with fuel. It was unreasonable, and I thought she understood that when we discussed it all those years ago. Obviously I was wrong.
But I wasn’t going to let this madness continue. If she wanted updates, she’d get them every single time I did something. So the next day when I woke up, I sent her a message, and when I went to shower, she got another, and so it continued for the rest of the day.
I got a text from her that evening asking me to stop. She said she got the point, and she’d let me watch my grandson, but not as often. Now I’m wondering if she might’ve been right.
So, Bright Side, what do you think? Should I continue to be stubborn? Or should I send her updates for the important stuff?
Regards,
Eva B.
DIL sounds really controlling. I pity Eva's grandson. I get keeping candy away from him but she has to accept Eva bringing it if its for herself. And then to tell Eva that she has to phone DIL everytime Eva leaves the house with grandson? That's nuts.
Dear Eva,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story.
Stop turning this into a power struggle and reframe it as a trust reset, with clear, written boundaries that protect you.
The moment this stopped being about candy and became about you “reporting” your movements, the arrangement crossed from childcare into surveillance, and your mass-text response, while understandable, confirmed her fear that you wouldn’t take her authority seriously.
The smartest move now isn’t stubbornness or compliance; it’s insisting on a reset conversation with your son present, where you agree in writing to reasonable, child-specific updates only (medical issues, emergencies, schedule changes) and explicitly refuse personal tracking or household inspections.
If she won’t accept that distinction, then the real issue isn’t your behavior; it’s control, and continuing to babysit under shifting, unspoken rules will only end the same way again. But with more hurt and less dignity for you.
Eva finds herself in a difficult position that requires her to plan her next moves carefully. But she isn’t the only one who is having in-law struggles.
Another one of our readers reached out to share their experience. You can read the full story here: My DIL Excluded Me From Our Family Trip Photos—But She Didn’t Expect My Revenge.
