Discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful is a devastating experience that shatters the very foundation of trust and commitment in a relationship. In today's case, the situation was even more heart-wrenching.
My (F53) soon-to-be ex-husband Roger (47), whom I forgave for his affair, came home with a baby four months ago. His girlfriend (22) could not handle it anymore and brought the baby to him at work and left. To the best of his knowledge, she is in Spain. I allowed him to stay, so long as I didn't have to do anything. Anything.
Everyone is looking at this situation from an emotional point of view- opinions do not matter here, what matters is the law. The correct thing to do is call CPS. The mother abandoned the infant, she had legal custody of the child. Since she did not give your husband legal paperwork giving him custody of the child, your husband can be in trouble with the law for not reporting the situation. Someone needs to be able to make medical decisions for this child and they must have legal paperwork to do so. Not one of the people you mentioned has the proper paperwork to have custody of this child. CPS should be called so they can handle the situation and give someone legal custody of this child..
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Well, about a month ago, Roger had a heart attack. It didn't kill him, more the pity, but he is very weak and incapable of doing anything for himself. Since he isn't up and about, he cannot care for his child. He also cannot drop off and pick up his son at daycare.
I have been helping, but I'm done. My kids are full-grown. I shouldn't be having grandkids any time soon. I do not have any desire to care for a baby.
I told Roger that I wanted a divorce, and I contacted the mother's parents. I know the father through friends. I said they had until Friday to come get their grandchild, or I was calling Child Protective Services. They just left with the baby. But they scolded me for being so cold towards a baby that had done me no harm. I view that child differently.
Roger is recovering and I will be moving out. The house is in his name, but I have never contributed to it. I have the equivalent of twenty-two years of rent and interest put away. And as per our prenup, my savings are my own. I work, and I don't need anything out of this marriage except myself.
My kids tried telling me to stay and help their father. I said that they were welcome to come over and help him with cleaning himself and the baby. Both declined what I felt was a fair offer.
I do not feel that I am acting badly. However, Roger, our children, his child's family, and a few mutual friends think I am. Perhaps writing this out and seeing the responses will give me clarity.
People stood on her side.
"No one is upset at the real mom who took off for Spain, leaving her kid? It seems like all the hostility is being misdirected toward you, who got dumped on more than once. You are doing the right thing. At some point, mom is more than likely going to show back up, and want the kid and money to support it. Get away from that man as fast as you can." Global_Walrus1672 / Reddit
"That child was not your responsibility. Yes, it was innocent, but you're literally not responsible for raising it. You should have divorced Roger long ago." TopAd7154 / Reddit
"If you're the only one dealing with this mess Roger created, nobody gets a say but you. Your kids don't want to help, Roger can't help. This child isn't your problem or responsibility unless you make the child your problem or responsibility. The child may be innocent, but you are too. You didn't ask Roger to cheat on you and get another woman pregnant. You didn't ask to take care of an affair baby." Vandreeson / Reddit
"Basically, everybody is trying to dump their responsibilities on you. The baby should be with the family. You’re not cold to not want to care. It’s weird they wouldn’t want to take the kid in any way. Poor child… Your grown kids can take care of their dad. When he cheated, your relationship ended, and he’s not your problem anymore." Smooth_Papaya_1839 / Reddit
"They should be THANKING you for not calling CPS the second your ex fell ill. You have done much more than expected for a baby that is not yours, let alone a child from your husband’s affair." Animes****** / Reddit
"If they all feel so strongly about the child, they can come to take care of it. I don’t think that was a fair expectation on you." Foolish5678 / Reddit
Confronting the reality of her husband's infidelity and the presence of his child in their home forced her to face difficult decisions. While the wounds of this betrayal may never fully heal, they have taught her invaluable lessons about self-worth, boundaries, and the importance of surrounding herself with those who genuinely respect and care for her.
