My Husband Wanted to Be a Mama’s Boy, He Went Too Far

Our reader always imagined that marriage was about just the two of them. But when her husband’s mom started making every decision—from what car to buy to their baby planning—it became too much. One day, she found something that shook her to the core. Can their marriage survive this shift?

Hello, Bright Side,

I am about to lose my marriage just because of my MIL. Kindly advise and share your opinions on this!

I always imagined that marriage is mainly about two people only. Instead, I got what I got. My husband’s mom is always around. Especially when we make more or less serious decisions.

What car to buy? He calls her. Redecorating? We can’t do that without her approval. Last time, she shook her head at my choices and decided for us.

The breaking point came at a family dinner last week. My MIL frowned and said, “Why didn’t you talk to me before you started trying for a baby? I could have given you so many good tips. Do you know the secret of having a boy, for example?”

I stared at her, stunned, but my husband just nodded like this was normal. I lost it. I asked him, “Why is your mom involved in every decision we make? Why don’t you go ask her how to make a baby, then?”

His mom got in. She said it wasn’t a big deal because we’re a family. She means only well for us, and I shouldn’t overreact. My husband kept silent.

I really couldn’t take it anymore. I just stood up and left for my room. That’s when I noticed a new photo of him and his mother lying on his nightstand. I literally choked when I saw a text, “I can have many wives, but there is only one mother.” Ha-ha.

I really couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Was I competing for his attention with his mom?

When he came to me, I told him I needed time. I couldn’t keep living in a relationship where his mom had more say than I did. Where his mom seems to be the priority. I told him to leave for now.

I don’t know what to do next, but I can’t stay with him while he’s still under her control. Please help.

Edith

Hi, Edith,
We get it. You’re feeling stuck, maybe even suffocated, by your mother-in-law’s involvement in your marriage. The big question is: are you both willing to make the marriage work despite her involvement?

1. Shift your focus to what you need.

Get clear about what’s not negotiable for you—and let your husband see that. What’s going to keep you in this marriage? For example:

• “I’m okay with us having a relationship with your mom, but I need us to make decisions as a couple first, before consulting her.”
• “When we discuss finances, I want it to stay between us.”
• “When it comes to family planning, this is our decision, not your mother’s.”
• “I’ve been thinking about the photo of you and your mom on the nightstand, and I realized it’s making me feel uneasy. Could we move it somewhere else? I’d feel better knowing that the nightstand reflects our life together.”

2. Model the behavior you want to see.

• If you want to stop his mom from making decisions for you, don’t ask for her input in the first place.
• If she gives unsolicited advice, calmly say: “Thanks for the suggestion, but we’ve already decided.”
• Make your responses casual and matter-of-fact. Your silence on certain topics will become its own form of resistance.

3. Give yourself permission to walk away.

This doesn’t mean you should leave, but if your husband’s priorities don’t shift over time, it’s important that you trust yourself to leave a marriage that doesn’t serve you. A “mama’s boy” can change, but only through consistent, visible actions over time. If you don’t see those actions, probably those relationships aren’t for you.

Now, consider Camilla’s dilemma. Her mother fell in love again after her father’s death—and kept it a secret. But when the truth came out at a family dinner, Camilla was left speechless. Now she asks, “How do I sit there and cheer while THAT man holds my mother’s hand?”