10 Things We Shouldn’t Tell Women Who Don’t Want Children, and Here’s Why
Being childfree is becoming more widely accepted in society. There are still instances where not everyone is ready to accept or even understand it when women make this choice. When people speak their mind about a woman’s choice to have a child (or not), they might think that the consequences of their opinion are harmless. But in reality, our judgment can be seen as rude or even hurtful for some women.
Bright Side supports the idea that everyone’s decisions need to be respected. That’s why we want to discuss this delicate topic of how to behave when someone you know chooses to not become a mother.
1. “You’ll never know what true love means if you don’t have your own kids.”
Love is a complex feeling that we develop over time. Someone can deeply love their partners, friends, and other members of their family. Others are truly devoted to their pets. Saying that mother-child love is the only true love is rather one-sided. After all, there are many examples of parent-child relationships filled with adoration and respect for each other, while other families have struggles developing any positive feelings for each other.
2. “You are being selfish.”
This implies that those who have kids are full-on selfless and self-sacrificing, while everyone else is just totally self-centered. Sadly, in reality, we still see a lot of selfish parents who fail to provide financial and emotional support for their children. On the other hand, if a childfree woman knows she won’t make a good mom and decides to not become one, this can be seen as a form of responsibility for her potential baby. After all, it’s usually a very well-thought-out choice.
3. “It will change your life for the better!”
The change will surely come, but it’s hard to tell for sure whether the change is going to be a good one or a bad one. Not everyone is able to cope with less sleep, having their routine changed, having a lack of time for themselves, having a messier space, and having noisy surroundings. When deciding to not have a child, some women take this into account and realize that they won’t be able to be happy if they make this life choice.
4. “Do you hate children?”
Most of the time, choosing to be childfree has nothing to do with disliking kids. These women are still aunts or godmothers, and they might actually enjoy being around their little family members. They can give them their love, time, and affection, while they have decided to not be mothers themselves.
5. “You haven’t achieved anything if you don’t have kids.”
Society often portrays childless women as someone defective and abnormal, and stereotypes might tell us that ladies have to have a husband, a baby, and a family. Though, womanhood should not be defined by whether someone has decided to have this or not. The feeling of being complete differs for everyone, so it’s a good idea to give everyone room to choose for themselves what makes them feel fulfilled.
6. “Who’s going to give me grandchildren?”
Some grandparents continue to desperately ask about this, but the question is not that innocent. Having a child is a big responsibility that requires a lot of changes in a woman’s life, and not just on a whim. So, it’s important to understand that it’s pretty inappropriate to ask your daughter for grandchildren just to make you happy.
7. “You will regret it when you get older.”
The common misconception is that women who’ve decided to not have children are going to feel lonely and dissatisfied with their lives later. Though having them doesn’t mean that they will stay by their mother’s side for the rest of their lives, as travel and migration to different countries are very popular nowadays. It turns out that childfree women have a lot of things that bring them happiness in the long term — they have more time to concentrate on themselves and their own development, career, relationship, and friends.
8. “What is your purpose in life then?”
Many people truly believe that women are meant to provide their family with a child. Our world has changed, and today women are able to accomplish more things in their lives. Someone might be happy enough to stay at home, taking care of children and chores, while someone else sees freedom in traveling or wants to achieve their dreams by being fully devoted to their career. The modern world gives women many opportunities, and it’s rude to tell them to restrict themselves to just one thing.
9. “Your man wants to leave a legacy behind.”
The idea of leaving something meaningful behind when you die evolves with new generations. Some men just don’t see the connection between a “legacy” and having children. For them, as for their partner, leaving something behind can be done with other things that they’ve decided to accomplish in their lifetime.
10. “You wouldn’t understand since you don’t have children.”
Some mothers decide to isolate childfree women from their friend circle because they believe those who have no children, have way different views on life. They are afraid that those who are childfree can’t understand and sympathize with their feelings. Though, whether they have a child or not, many women would love to discuss things with their friends and lend a helping hand if it’s needed. Moreover, they can always look at things from a different perspective and suggest an unusual solution!
Are you a mother or are you childfree? What are your thoughts on this topic?