I Decided to Give My Ex-Wife a Large Amount of Money to the Dismay of My Current Girlfriend

Research suggests that around 60% of people stay friends with their ex after a breakup. While not all of these friendships last, scientists think there are 4 main motives someone will maintain a friendship after separation. These are security, practical reasons (for example shared custody), civility or romantic feelings.

One of our readers found himself in a difficult situation when his current girlfriend didn’t appreciate his friendship with his ex-wife. So we at Bright Side decided to help him solve the conflict.

Hi James and thank you for your letter! Our team at Bright Side got together to debate the situation, and here’s the advice we came up with.

• It is ok to go no-contact for a bit. You might be hurt by your girlfriend’s reaction and want to talk things through, but sometimes it’s better to cool off before you do that. You can both take some time for yourselves to think about the argument you’ve just had and what you could do about it.
• Make sure you reassure your girlfriend. You already tried to explain to her that you no longer have feelings for your ex, but you can repeat this again after things have calmed down a bit. You could also cook her dinner, buy her some flowers or her favorite chocolate to show her your appreciation.
• Unless you have previously agreed to share finances, it’s reasonable that you alone decide what to do with your money. If you want to give some of it to your ex-wife, so she can give your children a better life, it is your choice.
• Plan some activities to do together with your kids and your girlfriend. This will allow them to get to know each other better, and also show your significant other that she’s important enough in your life to have a relationship with your children.

• Allow your girlfriend to express herself. Ask her about why she got upset and why she feels insecure, and if there is something else you can do to reassure her. Try to understand where she’s coming from and why she would be jealous of your ex-wife.
• Explain to her that you want the best for your kids, so that’s why you decided to share your inheritance with your ex. Looking out for your children’s well-being is what a good parent does. Co-parenting can be difficult, but it’s clear that you are doing well and have your kids’ best interests at heart, and don’t want to rekindle your relationship with your ex.
• If you feel like you still have issues that need to be solved, you can suggest to her that the two of you try out couples therapy as well. A professional might be able to identify a solution more easily and help you reconcile. Many people say they feel more connected to their partner after they attend a few sessions with a therapist.

We hope this advice can help you solve the conflict with your girlfriend.

Do you often argue with your partner? What are the best ways to make-up after a fight? What would you do in James’s situation? Tell us in the comment section below!