I Refuse to Keep Playing Dad to a Son Who Shut Me Out — So I Made My Choice

This week, we received a heartfelt letter from a father who’s been struggling to reconnect with his son after a painful divorce. His story sparked a lot of debate in our editorial room: about love, effort, and what it truly means to be a parent when your child shuts you out.

The letter.

My son was just 10 when his mom and I split up. I tried my best to be there, showing up to every game, every school event, every weekend I was allowed. But no matter what I did, he kept me at arm’s length. He’d roll his eyes when I called, ignore my texts, and act like spending time with me was some kind of punishment.

Then one day, during another argument, he snapped and shouted, “I don’t need you! Stop pretending you care!” Those words hit me harder than anything I’d ever felt. I’d been trying so hard to prove that I loved him, and in that moment, it felt like he just slammed the door on everything between us. So I said something I probably shouldn’t have: “If that’s how you see it, then I don’t need to pretend to keep supporting you either.”

It wasn’t about money. It was about effort, love, and time. I’d been giving my all, and he made it clear he didn’t want it. So I stopped trying for a while. I figured maybe he needed space.

A few months later, my stepson (from my second marriage) graduated high school. He’s a good kid, works hard, respects people, and actually appreciates what I do for him. I saved up and bought him a used car so he could drive to his college classes and his part-time job. When I gave him the keys, he hugged me tight and said, “You’re the best dad I could ever ask for.” That moment felt like pure validation, like finally someone saw my effort.

But now my ex and even my son are saying I’m being unfair, that I’m “choosing favorites.” Honestly, I don’t see it that way. I’m just giving my energy to the person who wants me around, who values me as a dad. Love isn’t something you can force, and I’m tired of feeling like the bad guy when all I ever wanted was a real connection.

— David

Our advice.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Parenting after divorce is rarely simple, and your feelings are completely valid. You’ve been trying to stay involved, to show love and stability, but it sounds like your son has been struggling to process the split in his own way. Children, even teens, often express pain through rejection, not because they don’t care, but because they don’t know how to deal with the loss or confusion they feel.

You did what many parents in your shoes would do: you shifted your focus toward someone who welcomes your care. That doesn’t make you cold; it makes you human. However, if you still want a relationship with your son, the best step forward might be to rebuild trust slowly. Try small, low-pressure gestures, a message, a simple invite, or even a card. Let him know the door’s still open, but that you’re done chasing.

At the same time, it’s okay to continue supporting your stepson. Love doesn’t have to be divided: it can grow. Healing takes time, and sometimes, all it takes is one quiet moment years later for a child to realize who never gave up on them.