For many couples, the desire to have their special day reflect their lifestyle and beliefs is the most important thing. However, this aspiration can sometimes clash with deeply rooted family traditions and preferences. And this is exactly what’s happening to this couple.
My fiancé and I (both 30s) are getting married in a couple of months. We now need to finalize our menu choices for our guests. We are vegetarian. In general, we are pretty relaxed vegetarians.
If we go out, we totally don’t mind if our friends/family choose meat or fish to eat, same if we visit family as long as there is a veggie option, then that’s great. Now back to the wedding.
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On looking at the choices, and given it’s our day, we thought it would be nice to have a fully vegetarian menu. My parents are paying for the meal and have been absolutely stunned by this choice. They say it’s disrespectful to people who aren’t in the vegetarian culture, and also disrespectful to our own values in terms of ensuring our friends have a nice time.
They say it’s forcing our ethics on other people. My viewpoint is: it is one meal only, on our day, where I’m sure it will be delicious whatever they’re served.
None of our friends have ever complained when coming to our house for (vegetarian) food, but my parents say it’s different at a wedding because people “expect luxury food,” especially if they are traveling from abroad (many are) and apparently this needs to include meat. I am honestly torn on this.
Personally, I don’t mind that much if our guests eat meat, but it is inconsistent with our own life choices, and it is our day, so that could make it feel inauthentic. And I think the whole focus on meat thing is quite generational (my parents are in their 60s). My fiancé agrees with me, but the issue is my parents are (very kindly) paying for the meal. Will I be a jerk if I got everyone only vegetarian food?
People stood on her side.
“Omnivores have all eaten plenty of vegetarian and even vegan meals without intending to. It does not seem like it’s pushing anything on anyone, any more than ANY other food choice would be. If you offered chicken, would you be ’pushing chicken onto people’? Your parents may decide not to pay for the meal, and that’s their prerogative. But it’s your day, and this is a very reasonable choice to make. This way, you can try or sample all the food on the menu and not be excluded from your own celebration.” owls_and_cardinals / Reddit
“If you really want to have everything exactly your way, then pay for the entire wedding yourself, and that way your parents can’t be blamed.” busyshrew / Reddit
“People can go ONE MEAL without eating meat! My wife and I are of your parent’s generation, and your idea sounds delicious! Luxury food? What’s not luxury about Eggplant parm, veggie quiche, half of any given Indian menu, stuffed peppers, guacamole, moussaka, asparagus risotto, shakshuka, mushroom wellington, tortellini with alfredo sauce, or stuffed manicotti?” KingBretwald / Reddit
“I love meat. I also love vegetables. And if you give me a plate of grilled balsamic vegetables, I would be in my glory. I’m shocked by the amount of adults that don’t eat vegetables. If you go vegetarian, I’d go Italian... cheese lasagna, eggplant rollatini, then something vegan to accommodate anyone who is vegan or maybe is just going lower carb. I feel like a lot of people hear vegetarian and think vegan, there’s nothing wrong with vegan, it’s just gonna be really hard to send a bunch of carnivores home full while not offering dairy or eggs.” MelissaIsBBQing / Reddit
“I believe your parents have an old-fashioned and narrow view of vegetarian cuisine, and probably imagine that guests will be served only a bowl of salad as if they were bunnies.” 000-Hotaru_Tomoe / Reddit
“There are tons of vegetarian meals that if you didn’t announce it as vegetarian, no one would bat an eye at. Being non-vegetarian isn’t a dietary restriction that requires one to eat meat at every meal. You might be a jerk if you pick a bad caterer that only does salads and meat substitutes—because no one tends to enjoy that (even vegetarians). Look into caterers that specialize in veggie food. International cuisines with vegetarian roots could be a good way to distract from the vegetarianism of it all. Just be sure to get allergy info from guests, as you may run into more of them as vegetarian meals tend to introduce more diverse ingredients than your typical meat-potatoes-veg medley caterer.” onhte_ / Reddit
Opting for a vegetarian-only wedding, despite strong opposition from one’s parents, underscores the importance of staying true to one’s values. Through open communication, empathy, and a willingness to find compromises, it is possible to create a wedding that reflects both individual beliefs and family traditions.
