I Refused to Let My Terminally Ill Sister to Walk Down the Aisle

Family & kids
month ago

Being an introvert has its benefits, but sometimes it prevents us from building meaningful relationships. Our reader shared a heartbreaking story that we found particularly complicated. Kate is terminally ill and has never been in a relationship before. What’s more, her time is limited, and she thinks the only way she can experience what getting married is like is through our reader’s wedding.

Our reader sent us a message.

No, it’s Your wedding not hers, Kate’s situation is sad but her wearing a wedding dress & walking down the aisle before you do, that’s just bizarre.
It’s not fair or reasonable for anyone to expect you to allow your sister to hijack your wedding.
If she’s a Bridesmaid she can walk down the aisle , get the attention she wants, without taking the focus off you, the bride.
Don’t let your parents use Emotional blackmail to manipulate you. Tell them you’re sorry they are choosing Kate over you & you will be sorry they won’t be coming but Kate Will Not be stealing your limelight on your wedding day.

Reply

Thanks for reaching out to us! We came up with some tips that you might find helpful.

Find an alternative.

Perhaps you can plan a separate event where she can have her own ceremony, or a special moment before or after your wedding. This way, she can experience the sentiment without intervening in your ceremony.

You can also speak to the priest and try arranging something specifically for Kate. It can be a small party where she can walk down the aisle with her dad. It will actually be her own little ceremony and not someone else’s.

Talk to your parents.

Let your parents know about your concerns and emotions. Explain that even though you want to support your sister, you also have your own dreams for your wedding day. Try to seek their understanding and find a solution together. Perhaps your parents are so preoccupied with your sister’s state that they can’t really look at the situation from a different perspective.

Stand your ground.

It’s your day, and you deserve all the attention, it’s okay to not want to let your sister walk down the aisle. You can say something like, “I’m sorry that you have to go through this, but I can’t go against my wishes on such an important day for me.”

Explain that you’ll feel uncomfortable if she walks to the altar, where your future husband is waiting for you. Kate won’t be walking towards anything, so the walk doesn’t really mean anything. Your sister should focus on enjoying her single life in the time she still has.

Consider uninviting your parents and your sister.

You can also consider uninviting your sister and your parents. Obviously, they all insist, and it’s likely that they will try something anyway on your wedding day. Kate might turn up at the church wearing a wedding dress, or she might “accidentally” walk down the aisle before you. In any case, if you feel like they can actually pull off something like this, it’s better not to invite them in the first place.

Some family matters can be movie plots with unexpected twists and a lot of drama. In this article, just one dinner caused a rift in the family. The recent gathering at our reader’s home took an unexpected turn and left her feeling frustrated. Her brother-in-law’s behavior caused a storm of emotions.

Comments

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I agree that it is really weird if both of you ‘share’ your wedding. I would be very uncomfortable too.
However if I had a sister I loved going through this, I would want to do my best to fulfill her final wish. Not sure if this option is available in your country, there is this thing called ‘contract dating/marriage’ which is a paid service to ‘rent’ a groom for occasions such as this. Depending on the cost/package, the actor can even lay out all the other meaningful things like a wedding photo shoot, romantic dates etc. This may sound weird but at least it won’t be at the expense of your own big day, and I will not hesitate to bear the costs as a gift for her so she will depart with no regrets. And I’d be at peace. A win win situation.

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OP should suggest that her parents throw a party for her sister - however the sister wants. Let her wear a white dress, and have dancing etc. Give her her own day, instead of playing make-believe at her sister's wedding.

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