Having kids isn’t for everyone but our family might not agree with that decision. Or worse, they might be completely against it and try to exact revenge. But that decision is ours to make and money should have no influence over it. It also shouldn’t ruin our relationships. One of our readers reached out to share her experience.
Dear Bright Side,
I’m 28 and child-free. Most people think it’s because I want to focus on my career first, but there’s more to it than just that. It all started when I felt that I hadn’t met the right man, so I focused on being successful until that man came around.
Well, two years ago he did come around. After a year of dating, he proposed and everything seemed to be perfect, until we came to the topic of having children. We decided that we wanted at least one child, but we were still saving for the wedding and decided that we’d work on it after we got married.
The wedding came and went and after months of trying we had no success so we kept quiet about it, not wanting people like our mothers to worry or think that there was something wrong. But things took a turn recently, and it has me wondering about the best way to proceed.
I'd go LC until the surrogate has it. Let them see you a few times, especially towards the end. Then show up with your baby and tell them to enjoy the one look they're getting. You aren't fertile and had to go another route. But, you doubted they'd be sympathetic. So, goodbye
(But, I'm kinda petty 🤗)
Last week, my dad told me that he changed his will, and he’s leaving the family beach house to my adopted brother instead of me because “he has children and won’t cut the family line.” I was shocked because I never thought my fertility came at a price.
But instead of arguing the fact or being disgruntled, I congratulated my brother in the warmest way possible. A few days after that, my husband and I saw a fertility specialist and found out that I was unable to conceive.
I don’t know what hit me harder, the fact that I would never be able to have children or the fact that my infertility would cost me my family. The thought alone made me crumble, so my husband and I sat down to talk about our options.
Over the next few days, my father kept making comments about me being child-free. I just went along with it because what he didn’t know was that my husband and I were going to try to use a surrogate to conceive.
But now I’m wondering if I should involve my family in the process or not. It has nothing to do with the beach house or the money. I just feel that if I can’t be accepted with problems, then they won’t accept my child either.
So Bright Side, what do you think? Should I tell my parents about my infertility and plans? Or should I go no contact with them?
Regards,
Caroline M.
go no contact
Excuse me, what lineage? Not your father's anyway because your brother is adopted so there is no bloodline whatsoever.
so that's basically bullshit from your father, he favors your brother in short.
Keep a low profile with them and good luck with the surrogacy. It's sure to be great... don't tell them anything about this, just wait until everything is done and you have the baby in your arms...
Agree. Adopted brother is definitely the favored child for whatever reasons. When parents make snide comments about you being childfree I'd tell them point blank that you had recently learned you were biologically unable to conceive so you would appreciate it if they would not bring it up again. If you are able and want to, save up for your own beach house. Good luck with surrogacy or adopting or remaining a family of the two of you.
Dear Caroline,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us.
Don’t make your parents part of this process until they prove they can separate your worth from your womb. Right now, your father has shown you that he sees lineage as biology, not love, and that mindset is dangerous to bring anywhere near a surrogacy journey or a future child.
You don’t owe them disclosure about your infertility, your medical reality, or your plans just to soften their judgment or “earn back” acceptance they never should’ve taken away.
Focus on protecting the family you are actively building with your husband, move forward with the specialist, the surrogate plans, and your healing privately.
If your parents show genuine remorse, curiosity without entitlement, and respect for boundaries, you can reassess what role they play.
But involving them now would only invite scrutiny, pressure, and conditional love at the most vulnerable moment of your life. Silence here isn’t punishment, it’s self-preservation.
Caroline’s family definitely isn’t making things easy for her. But it’s her next steps that will determine whether this relationship can be fixed or not. She isn’t the only one with family struggles, though.
Another one of our readers reached out to share their experience. You can read the full story here: I Refuse to Pay for Everyone Just Because I’m Childfree.
