My Stepdaughter Ignored Me for Years—Now She Needs Me

“You’re not my dad.” Those words stuck with this stepdad over the years as he did his best to connect with his stepdaughter. While he’s always tried to be there for her, things have never quite felt mutual. Now, faced with yet another request—this time for money—he’s starting to question how much more he can give. What do you think about his decision to finally draw the line?

He gave her everything she could ever ask for.

My wife passed away when my sons were 8 and 4 respectively. Since then, I remarried and my new wife and I have been married for 11 years now. She was married before and had a daughter of her own. Her ex-husband’s alive but isn’t in their life anymore.

When I remarried, my step-daughter was 12. For 11 years I tried to build some bridges. I would drive her to school, and pay for the nicest private schools for her. I tried my best and treated her just like my sons, but she continued to avoid me.

She refused to invite him to her graduation.

This came to a head when she graduated about 5 years ago. While my eldest son had invited my wife (his stepmom) to his graduation, my stepdaughter refused to invite me. When I asked why, she said “You’re not my dad and I don’t want you in my life”. I was heartbroken, Still I paid for her college (I paid for both of my son’s colleges as well).

A few months back, she informed my wife that she will be getting married. I only found out when my wife told me. What was even more devastating is that she said she would come home to celebrate, and I brought a cake, balloons and so much more. Then, at the last minute, she changed plans. She just told my wife that she should come over to her apartment, without my sons and I. I was shattered.

She needed money for her wedding.

When I eventually called to congratulate her, she just tried to end the conversation as quickly as she could. The last thing I had asked was maybe the honor to have a father-daughter dance with her, which she had shot down.

I said nothing, but then came the bill and my wife said she needed some money for her wedding. I considered it long and hard, but clearly as she didn’t consider me as her father, I said I would not be paying for her wedding. I told my wife that she had money saved up, it was her choice to use that if she wanted, but I would not be paying for her wedding. She was furious at me. She said she barely had any money saved up and I was being an awful person.

I have received calls from all of my wife’s family telling me that I should pay (mainly her immediate family, like my father-in-law and my brother-in-law). The whole thing has become a mess, it has divided our family but I am still holding my ground. Is this the right decision?

The man went on to update his story saying,

My wife has been an amazing mother to both our boys and our girl. She is loving and doting wife, who runs a phenomenal house. She tried to get her daughter close to me as well, to little consequence. I also do not think that I could be where I am without her.

if she really wanted to, she could do it without my approval. More than half the money is in bank accounts with her name on them. If she does that will be her choice, and even if she told me she was going to, I do not think I will stop her.

I want to also clarify that this is going to be far from a minor financial inconvenience. While, I am sufficiently wealthy, it is still not something that will not go easy on my bank-account. Her wedding is going to have probably around 400-600 people.

Redditors sided with the man

Comments supported the man, saying:

• You are under no obligation to pay for the wedding of someone who has treated you like a nobody the entire time you have known them. She obviously doesn’t consider you family so why would you give her any money? @GrumpyWampa / Reddit
• I’m sorry but you don’t owe her money for her wedding when based on past events you/your sons might not even get invited. Or you’ll just be invited as your wife’s “+1”. @No_Yogurtcloset_1020 / Reddit
• She only wants your money, and even then she won’t even TRY to be nice. Even if you paid, you definitely won’t get an invite. I would stop trying to be nice to her, to be honest. @invaderzimm95 / Reddit
• Your stepdaughter said you are not her dad. You are not obliged to pay for her wedding since you are not her dad, even though you tried and supported her. At this age, her daughter will never accept you as a father figure, so you can accept that fact and act accordingly. @sarpofun / Reddit
• Why on earth would you pay for this? You probably aren’t even on the guest list. She’s used to using your money. That should have stopped longer ago, but now is as good a time as any. @Dry-Spring5230 / Reddit
• I am honestly shocked that you did all the fatherly aspects up to this point despite her being bitter and cold. It’s fair to say you reached the breaking point or the last straw to be a father towards her. It’s fair that you are not doing that since she said you’re not her father. @MewMixDNA / Reddit
• I noticed right off that stepdaughter did not contact you to ask you to pay for the wedding. @Traveling-Techie / Reddit
• You’re a person with feelings not an atm you can stash in a corner and demand cash from. @Ballamookieofficial / Reddit
• She said you aren’t her father, and she treats you the way she does, but expects you to foot the bill for her wedding? Nope. @Apricot_Gus / Reddit

Some people had something to say about the wife.

• Her mother clearly didn’t bother saving any money up to pay for her own daughter’s wedding because she was always intending to use her husband for the money to pay for it all along. @Silvermorney / Reddit
• Your wife obviously seemed OK with her daughter not wanting you to be a part of her life—despite your best efforts. Your wife will either eventually understand that this is the bed her daughter made for herself. Or she’s going to hold this against you forever, because it is likely that the daughter will punish her for you not paying, and she will essentially have to choose between you and her daughter. @DrewDonut / Reddit
• Your wife is being unreasonable. Her daughter shouldn’t expect it. The fact that you paid for her college was more than enough. @niennabobenna / Reddit
• What’s your wife’s role in all this? Did she try to help you build a relationship with her daughter at all? Why was she ok with the way her daughter treated you all these years? Maybe time to rethink your marriage? @Apricot_Gus / Reddit
• Sounds horrible, and your wife tolerating that behavior and expecting you to still pay is ridiculous. Stick to your decision. @anaisaknits / Reddit
• Frankly your wife holds a lot of responsibility as to why your stepdaughter does not respect you. It would appear your paying for private school and paying for her college is not a good enough reason for your wife to have some very strong conversations with your daughter about respect and what family actually means. @adventuresofViolet / Reddit

People decided to weigh in on what the man should do.

• My advice to you is to discuss with your wife and explain your perspective and why your stepdaughter does not deserve complete support.
  
  Suggest that you contribute to the wedding, but feel that paying for the entirety is not appropriate, and you would like your wife and you to together determine as a couple what the appropriate amount is under the circumstances. Approach it from the perspective of appreciating your amazing wife for what she wants, and disregard your ungrateful stepdaughter. @_Chaos_Star_ / Reddit
• “My dearest wife. You know how much I treated SD as my own and how fully she has rejected me in every way but accepting my money. I am absolutely nothing to her.
  Why do you think I should keep giving her money when she rejects me so completely? If you want more help, why aren’t you asking the people that she does consider family? Her grandfather; her uncle?” @swillshop / Reddit
• Tell your wife’s family that they are more than welcome to pay for the wedding since they feel they have a say in the matter. @Apricot_Gus / Reddit
• Tell your wife to get a job and take care of her daughter. You already done more than enough for an ungrateful child. @Accomplished-Mud2840 / Reddit

With how things are going with the man’s stepdaughter, the commentators have a point. He needs to put his foot down and stand up for himself. Speaking of difficult stepdaughters, check out this family drama with a sweet revenge ending.