You are right to feel that way because its not being rude at all but here the thing you can be nice and pay them back without them always being there and for the furniture...I'm sorry but if I came home and seen that mess oh I would've been furious and yell at my husband and MIL because you never come in peoples home family or not and destroy their home...If you went to their home you wouldn't destroy their home out of respect and kindness plus your not being rude if you didn't do anything wrong to them because its your husband who also make the decision to fix everything with you without his parents 24/7
I Refused to Put Up With My In-Laws Just Because We Owe Them
Once we get married and have our own home, we value our privacy and peace of mind. However, Cynthia, a young newlywed, is often dealing with unannounced visits from her in-laws. Her husband insists she tolerate it and be respectful because his parents helped them buy the house. Cynthia, now at her wit’s end, shared her full story with us.
This is Cynthia’s letter:
We’ve prepared four distinct pieces of advice to help Cynthia navigate this delicate situation.
Set clear boundaries and communicate expectations.
Do you got the idea of her story
Sit down with your husband and in-laws to discuss the current situation. Clearly outline your expectations regarding their visits, such as setting specific visiting hours and limiting the duration of their stay. Explain how the late-night visits and disruptive behavior are affecting your home life. Suggest having visits at a mutually agreed-upon time, perhaps during weekends or designated family days.
Emphasize that while you appreciate their help in buying the house, you need your home to be a space where you feel comfortable and in control.
Designate a specific area for children’s activities.
To address the issue of the nephews ruining your expensive couch and playing with watercolors on your carpet, create a designated play area for the children. Set up a corner of the living room or another room with child-friendly furniture, toys, and art supplies. Lay down protective mats or washable rugs to prevent damage.
Communicate to your husband and in-laws that this area is where the children can play freely, and it will help keep the rest of your home in order. This approach shows you’re accommodating the children’s needs while protecting your belongings.
Establish a compromise with your husband.
Find a way to pay the parents back for their help, or you will never be free to call your life your own, they obviously think that the house is a total family property. Change that dynamic.
Have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your feelings and the impact of his parents’ visits. Propose a compromise where you both agree on certain guidelines for the visits. For instance, you could agree that his parents can visit once a week, but they must leave by a specific time.
This way, he acknowledges your concerns and takes on a proactive role in managing the situation.
Seek external mediation or counseling.
If discussions with your husband and in-laws are not yielding the desired results, consider seeking external help. Counseling or mediation can provide a neutral ground for addressing the issues.
A professional can help facilitate the conversation and offer strategies for managing the situation more effectively. This can be particularly useful if you and your husband have different perspectives on the matter. The counselor can help both of you understand each other’s viewpoints and work towards a solution that respects everyone’s needs.
Here's another story depicting tension between an in-law and a daughter-in-law. For the wedding, the mother-in-law defied the bride's wish to have an all-vegan menu and went behind her back to arrange a barbecue. The bride was furious, and things went south on the wedding day. Check out the full story here.
Comments
Come on, work on a compromise, You were not so territorial when they did help you buy the house.
If you can buy an expensive sofa, why not give the in laws back the money they gave you for the house? Your husband won't be able to use that as a excuse. Then set boundaries as to their visits. If they come uninvited you don't have to open the door.
There is a tiny amount of difference between the cost of a sofa and money for a house, but they do need to start saving and repay the parents to get the house back for themselves, but who goes to visit uninvited and stops till 2am?