Once we get married and have our own home, we value our privacy and peace of mind. However, Cynthia, a young newlywed, is often dealing with unannounced visits from her in-laws. Her husband insists she tolerate it and be respectful because his parents helped them buy the house. Cynthia, now at her wit’s end, shared her full story with us.
I REALIZE THIS IS AN OLDER POST, BUT I ORAY THAT YOU FILED FOR DIVORCE, AND MADE HIM SELL THE HOUSE. IF THEY "HELPED", THEN YOU DIDN'T "OWE" THEM ANYTHING BUT YOUR THANKS. IF IT WAS A "LOAN", DID YOU SIGN ANYTHING THAT REQIRED YOU TO LET THEM "TAKE OVER" YOUR HOUSE AT THEIR PLEASURE? I HOPE THAT YOU DUMPED THEM ALL. NONE OF THEM (ESPECIALLY YOUR HUSBAND) RESPECT YOU AT ALL
I'd move out. See how he likes living with his parents again.
He doesn't respect you and neither do they. She showed you what she thinks of you when she laughed.
Look for a place, remove your half of everything and tell her "You won." It'd be different if he was standing up for you but, he isn't.
You are right to feel that way because its not being rude at all but here the thing you can be nice and pay them back without them always being there and for the furniture...I'm sorry but if I came home and seen that mess oh I would've been furious and yell at my husband and MIL because you never come in peoples home family or not and destroy their home...If you went to their home you wouldn't destroy their home out of respect and kindness plus your not being rude if you didn't do anything wrong to them because its your husband who also make the decision to fix everything with you without his parents 24/7
yes, you are very rude. without his parents, you don't have a husband. what if your husband does the same thing agst. your parents or any member of your family. hope your children & their spouses will not disrespect you too someday and give a taste of your own medicine.
Are you serious, just because they loaned them the money to buy their home doesn't make it the parents home and they don't have the right to come whenever they like and destroy their belongings, eat their food then leave in the wee hours of the morning
We found the MIL.
WHO'S ASS HAVE YOU BEEN FORCED TO LICK? "HELPING" DOES NOT GIVE ANYONE CARTE BLANCHE TO INTRUDE ON ANYONE ELSE'S LIFE, OR HOME. YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT "WITHOUT HIS PARENTS" THOUGH. WITHOUT THEM, HER HUSBAND WOULD NOT BE SUCH A PUSSY.
Bet you were not that picky when they helped you out. Learn to take the good and the bad.
STFU UNTIL YOU GROW A BRAIN.
The main problem is not to, where or when to allow your nephews visit, but your relation. Parents helping their children is seen in many families as a legacy to which the parents stick to. The problem is your husband who is to weak to cut the ombilical tide to their parents. But his attitude is not caused by his emotional realation with his parents, but towards you, his wife. He want to make the difference betwen the contribution to the buying the house, by legal perspective or emotional if not legal in your country. He is not comitted to his wife as he should and he was never tought to share with the dear ones. Actually you will be only the roommate to him but not the person who can claim her chemine. If he doesnot understand that he is wrong by thinking you are not the person to which he should share good emotional state being on haveing your home, that means the emotional and true love is not there and after a discussion on the subject, you should see or not if love and emotional care is there.
Your response is interesting but loses its "punch" with punctuation. I would suggest writing your response in a Word document first, with spellcheck, then copy/paste.
Oh wow. Grammar Brit.
A lot of people won't mention poor grammar, spelling, or cohesion in your writing, but they notice it, and they are not impressed.
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
Racist!!!!
I don't think anyone cares about the punctuation. Honestly it's not that important as this subject is
You wish.
ASHLYNE IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. IF YOU NEED PERFECT DIAGRAMMING, PUNTUATION, AND CONTEXT, TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS BEING SAID, YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM.
What the “f” does the way she writes her story have to do with ANYTHING!!! You ever think that English is NOT her first language an she is doing the best she can!!! WOW get a life!!!!!
I do.
WELL I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING CRISTIAN SAID. GETTING HUNG UP ON THE "GRAMMAR" AND "PUNCTUATION", SMACKS OF A SUPERIORITY COMPLEX. THE STORY IS THE ISSUE, NOT THE SPELLING, OR SYNTAX.
We’ve prepared four distinct pieces of advice to help Cynthia navigate this delicate situation.
Sit down with your husband and in-laws to discuss the current situation. Clearly outline your expectations regarding their visits, such as setting specific visiting hours and limiting the duration of their stay. Explain how the late-night visits and disruptive behavior are affecting your home life. Suggest having visits at a mutually agreed-upon time, perhaps during weekends or designated family days.
Emphasize that while you appreciate their help in buying the house, you need your home to be a space where you feel comfortable and in control.
To address the issue of the nephews ruining your expensive couch and playing with watercolors on your carpet, create a designated play area for the children. Set up a corner of the living room or another room with child-friendly furniture, toys, and art supplies. Lay down protective mats or washable rugs to prevent damage.
Communicate to your husband and in-laws that this area is where the children can play freely, and it will help keep the rest of your home in order. This approach shows you’re accommodating the children’s needs while protecting your belongings.
Find a way to pay the parents back for their help, or you will never be free to call your life your own, they obviously think that the house is a total family property. Change that dynamic.
Have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your feelings and the impact of his parents’ visits. Propose a compromise where you both agree on certain guidelines for the visits. For instance, you could agree that his parents can visit once a week, but they must leave by a specific time.
This way, he acknowledges your concerns and takes on a proactive role in managing the situation.
If discussions with your husband and in-laws are not yielding the desired results, consider seeking external help. Counseling or mediation can provide a neutral ground for addressing the issues.
A professional can help facilitate the conversation and offer strategies for managing the situation more effectively. This can be particularly useful if you and your husband have different perspectives on the matter. The counselor can help both of you understand each other’s viewpoints and work towards a solution that respects everyone’s needs.
Here's another story depicting tension between an in-law and a daughter-in-law. For the wedding, the mother-in-law defied the bride's wish to have an all-vegan menu and went behind her back to arrange a barbecue. The bride was furious, and things went south on the wedding day. Check out the full story here.
Come on, work on a compromise, You were not so territorial when they did help you buy the house.
If you can buy an expensive sofa, why not give the in laws back the money they gave you for the house? Your husband won't be able to use that as a excuse. Then set boundaries as to their visits. If they come uninvited you don't have to open the door.
I think if OP wants to set and enforce healthy boundaries she has to actually *be present* and not run away every visit.
