11 Things Parents Did That Ruined Their Kids’ Trust Forever

Family & kids
3 years ago

We recently published 7 stories about things parents did that made their kids stop trusting them. It turned out that this topic was very relatable for our readers, and they left numerous comments under our post sharing similar stories from their childhood. Some of them gave advice about forgiving these moms and dads because they probably didn’t mean to hurt their child. But one of our readers, Svetlana Putkaradze, noted, “No matter what we say, we remember childhood grievances our whole lives. And we might understand that everything is already behind us, and it’s time to forget, but we can’t do it, we can’t simply forget. These grievances are somewhere in the background, and they still hurt. They’re like a fly in the most amazing ointment.”

We at Bright Side decided to publish some of our readers’ stories that may help parents of both small and grownup children look at themselves from the outside. And this will probably help them reconsider their methods for raising their children and change their attitude toward their own children.

***

There’s an insult that I still remind my mother of, even many years later. We temporarily lived at my brother’s apartment because we were doing renovations at our place. My mom, before going to work, asked me to go to the market. I was on my way out the door, when I realized that the keys were missing. All of the family members used to hang their keys on the key holder at the entrance. I searched the whole flat and still couldn’t find them. I called my mom and told her that I couldn’t find my keys, so I couldn’t just go and leave the door open. As a response, I got a bunch of extremely negative remarks from her, saying that I was irresponsible and lazy. I was only 18 years old!

And in the evening, it turned out that my brother had taken his and my keys, but didn’t notice it. But I called everyone asking whether they had taken extra keys. My mom didn’t apologize, because I was “lazy and irresponsible anyway.” It has been 14 years, but I still remember everything. © vectors_pd / adme

***

I went to the store on a beautiful summer day. I was 12 or 13 years old. I had some change left after I finished shopping, and I was so filled with emotions, that I went to a flower shop. I waited in line and bought daffodils for my mom. I was so happy and ran home to surprise her. But she opened the door, saw my flowers, and my smiling face, and said, “And why would you do that?!” I still remember it today. © Irina Zn / facebook

***

At around 10-12 years old, I had been saving money for about a year. One day, my dad told me that we should convert it from coins to paper money, so it would be easier to store it. I gave the money to him and I never saw it again. When I asked him about it, my dad said that he didn’t even remember what happened to my money.

That’s probably why I buy clothes like crazy. Because I could have money today, and it might disappear tomorrow. But at least I’ll have new shoes or clothes. © Natalia Rivera / facebook

***

My mom was always against me. She always supported other people and was never on my side. I’m 40 years old, and I have a very strained relationship with her, we’re almost like enemies. I can neither forget, nor forgive her insults from my childhood. © Christina / adme

***

When I was in school, I was accused of stealing my teacher’s wallet. I was only 11 years old, I didn’t do it, and I have no idea why she decided it was me. So I was accused in front of the whole class. They called my mom and... as a result, she had to transfer me to another school. And the most insulting thing was not the fact that everyone was looking at me and talking about me, it was that my mom didn’t even try to protect me and didn’t believe me.

I’m an adult now, but I still can’t forgive her betrayal. I know that no matter what my child does, I’ll always be on their side and will believe their truth. It’s a pity that parents sometimes forget what it means to listen and to really hear their child. © Grecika Ana / facebook

***

I hate my childhood and the feeling of helplessness I had during this period. “You must tremblingly respect your elders, be obedient and grateful.” Any attempt to cry was stopped with the phrase, “Stop crying! Some people suffered worse and they didn’t cry, but you...” I can’t remember these moments calmly. © Alena Sidorenko / facebook

***

I also remembered a story from my childhood that influenced me. It seems silly, but I still remember it. When I was 9 years old, I changed my hairstyle using my new hairpin. I went to my mom to show it to her, but she looked at me and said, “You look so stupid with that hairstyle!”

I still either keep my hair loose or wear it in a ponytail. For some reason, I feel uncomfortable with other hairstyles. © Julia Kasyan

***

I was already doing some part-time work when I was 12 years old. I had dreamed of having a bicycle and I bought one. But my dad took it for himself, even though it had a “feminine” color. I still feel resentment about this. © Natalia Timoshenko / facebook

***

I remember that when I was 7 years old, my mom told me, “I’ll punish you for lying and not for your actions.” Next time I did something wrong and honestly confessed, and I was punished anyway... Since then, I preferred to not reveal the whole truth. © Olga Aksyonova / adme

***

I remember that when I was 5 years old, I started composing poetry. It wrote itself and it was very easy to come up with something. I was embarrassed to tell my mom about it for a long time, but then I finally read her my poem. She told me that it was wrong to lie to her and tell her that I had composed it myself. After that, I’ve never written a poem, it’s like this ability was cut off. © Natalia Bogdanova / facebook

***

My mom read my diary, and my dad found out about it. He punished me for nothing! I was friends with a boy, and we saw each other a couple of times. But my dad decided that it was too early for me (I was in the 8th grade) and he punished me by calling me a bad name. Although I’ve forgiven him, I’m still deeply offended inside! And yes, I’m 71 years old. © Lyudmila Lukin / facebook

Instead of an afterword

Unfortunately, modern parents also sometimes do things that may make their children hide resentment in their hearts. Here are just a few examples:

  • At work, we, adult ladies, started arguing about the diaries and private messages of our children. I’ll never forget a woman saying, “Only maniacs keep diaries, so we HAVE TO read them!” Another woman said that she sees nothing wrong with reading her 4th-grade son’s diary. And another woman told us, word-for-word, about the personal correspondence of her 16-year-old teenage son. So here are some modern examples for you. © Nataliia Lavrenova / facebook
  • When my kids were at school, the principal and the head teachers at a school meeting with parents urged parents to watch their children — search their pockets, backpacks, dressers, and go through their phones. When I (I was almost the only one, by the way. There was one other dad who supported me.) said that the teachers were urging us to do things that have always been considered shameful and indecent like peeping and eavesdropping, everyone started shushing at me and making noise. My argument about the fact that, “If our child ever finds out about these actions, we’ll lose their trust forever,” didn’t work. The headmaster spoke with authority, claiming that it is essential because all children can potentially get into serious trouble and only total surveillance can save them. At home, I told my boys about this, and they didn’t even take it seriously. My children are 32 and 29 years old now, and I have good relationships with them. © Alexandra Schukina / facebook

Have your parents ever done things that it hurts to remember?

Preview photo credit Irina Zn / facebook

Comments

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when I was younger, I would get some money from my relatives on my b-day. I don't know why, but my mother always took them from me. When I got older, she stopped doing it, but it was a bit unpleasant. Though I think she just used them to buy something useful for me, otherwise I would spend them on candies or toys

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people who get therapy are there coz people who should get therapy aren't going for one, my list of sadness is pretty dense

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My father was discussing something with other members of the family and I wanted to say something about it. He cut me off and said: you better shut up, your opinion is worthless. And I have another one: I studied in a private and expensive school well above our means but I was always the best of my class so we never had to pay tuition fees, except one year in which I was the second of the class and my father had to pay half of the tuition (which we could afford). He barely spoke to me for a month and when I told him that a second place was not a bad thing he answered: I don't care: second is as bad as last, only being first matter. Trying to keep up to that expectation for the following years gave me an ulcer and made me deal very badly with frustration and failure. Took me almost 20 years to learn that losing is just a lesson to be better, not the end of the world.

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I use to write and when I was in the 4th grade I was one of the few chosen ones selected to visit some prestigious universities about writing etc. The selected ones were told to write and submit their best material and I did. My teacher gave one of mine back to me and said I could not submit this because I copied it from somewhere else. I didn't understand what she was talking about. I asked her who or where I copied it from and she said she didnt know but there was no way what I wrote I wrote on my own so I had to have copied it from somewhere. I told my parents and I dont even think they heard a word I said. They dismissed it or ignored it. Idk. But after that I stopped writing. What was the point if the stuff I wrote was going to bring about accusations of plagiarism and it really turned off that part of any creativity. I have 3 kids and they know I have their back. I make sure they know. If your own parents wont stick up for you who will? I never forgot it and I make damn sure my kids know I will always fight for them no matter what.

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Last year, I asked my mom for money very frequently. So one day when I asked my mom for giving me some money for going on a trip. She told my father that, "After few days, Your daughter will be asking for money to hangout with her boyfriend." That seriously broke my heart. That my own mom doesn't trusts me then how would other people trust me?

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The poetry one was so relatable I started writing when I was 12 ,I was ashamed to show it to anyone except my best friend ,I always have had a bit of anixety and I used to think I don't write good enough or my work is probably shitty but my bestie used to always scold me for thinking of myslef like that and once she said to show it to my mom who is a teacher but when I showed it to her she just read it and started ignoring me.when I asked her how is it?she would not even look at me and say it's fine.idid it 2-3 times her response and actions were sameafter that I stopped writing too

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Some many common stories - I think this is how our parents were raised to behave and did what they knew, which is sad. My father bought me a bike when I was in 1st grade, but when he gave it to me after the school year-end celebration he told me that he is giving it to me because I already knew about it otherwise he wouldn't have given it to me because I only got thridt place in class (1st year of school). In fifth grade I showed my literature teacher a poem I wrote and she told me to stop focusing on poetry and focus on grammar - never wrote poetry after that. In first year of highschool my mom accused me of flirting with a boy from a different community (muslim gypsy roma) when in reality I was only being friendly and talking with him like with ay other person my age. It's these little things and actions that hurt us deeply when we are kids.

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