9 Habits That Can Make a Person Become a Loser
Arthur Schopenhauer said that cowards create cowards, scoundrels create scoundrels, and losers can create only losers. Immanuel Kant, on the other hand, claimed that personality can’t be inherited and that it is formed by the influence of inner experience and external circumstances. He thought it was possible to develop and work on personality.
There is another theory that says a person can’t do anything about their lives because all failures are either enemies’ intrigues or destined to be. This theory is usually adopted by true losers.
Bright Side put together 9 principles which totally “unlucky” people prefer to follow. We think that it is their approach to life that creates failures, not enemies or destiny. The glass is either half full or half empty, and it is up to us which to choose.
9. Blaming everyone around us for our failures
You couldn’t pass the entrance exams? That’s because you can enter a college or university only if you have connections or money. You didn’t receive your bonus at work? It’s because your idiotic boss acknowledges only relatives and sycophants. Your girlfriend dumped you? That’s because she is a tramp (if it’s a boyfriend, then he’s a jerk). You ran out of bread at home and there is no bread in the grocery store? Evident proof of a universal conspiracy against you.
- Trying to find someone to blame gives a person a false feeling that the problem is solved. However, it comes back again in a little while. That is why successful people don’t look for someone to blame but try to find solutions to the problem to never have it again.
8. Comparing ourselves to others
Outsiders love to compare themselves to others. It doesn’t matter who you choose as a benchmark (more successful or less successful people), the result will not do you any good. If you compare yourself with someone very successful, then you will constantly feel pity for yourself. This is one of the most destructive human emotions, and it slows down a person’s growth. If, on the other hand, you prefer to compare yourself to someone who is far behind you, then you get an opportunity to make excuses for your inaction.
- However, comparisons are necessary to assess our personal growth. But you should compare yourself not with other people but with your past self (what you were like 10, 5, or one year ago).
7. Not believing in ourselves
“You shouldn’t bite off more than you can chew!” “You can’t jump over your own head!” “This is not for me!” These words are loved by losers. To find an additional source of income, to learn a new language, to dare to give a compliment to a stranger — all these actions demand effort. It is much easier to find a weighty excuse and not make any attempts to change your life.
- Even to just admit the fact that you experience difficulties will be the first step to understand the current situation and work out an action plan. You need to understand that any hindrances, whether it’s an economic crisis or that the stars are in the wrong position, slow down your way to success but don’t stop it completely.
6. Giving up on our goals and principles
Many people like to complain about their misfortune, follow the opinion of others, change their convictions and goals a few times a day, or even give up on them because of the slightest difficulties. A loser can be a vegetarian today, but tomorrow they might start judging those who don’t eat meat because their bodies don’t receive enough vitamin B12.
- A goal is a beacon that shows our path even in complete darkness. Our principles are a fence that keeps us on the right path. Roy Disney once said, “It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.” When difficulties arise, successful people look for a solution to overcome them, not a way to change their goals.
5. Not knowing how to communicate with other people
Losers don’t know how to build relationships with people around them, and they can even be arrogant to those who are at a lower social level. This is why they say that if you want to reveal a person’s real face, pay attention to how they communicate with service personnel.
- Those who are responsible for their lives know that it is very important to build relationships not only in their professional life but in their private life as well. They don’t miss an opportunity to widen the circle of their acquaintances, and they make the effort to keep in touch with them.
Outsiders live as if they have a spare life. The trendy term “procrastination” refers to more than daily chores like cleaning the house or washing. Losers always postpone things to fulfill their strivings to turn their lives into something very boring and dull.
- Successful people live for today. Steve Jobs liked to ask the following question: “If today were the last day of your life, would YOU want to do what you’re about to do today?” It’s the best way to stop procrastinating and start living right now.
3. Rejecting other people’s opinions
Losers know almost everything...but very superficially. Ask any outsider how to bring a country to order and you will receive an exhaustive answer, even visualized if necessary. They believe that they are right and are ready to argue forever. At the same time, their house will probably be upside down and dirty.
- There is a very interesting effect in psychology known as the Dunning-Kruger effect. It is a cognitive bias wherein people of low ability suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly assessing their cognitive ability as greater than it is. The effect works in an opposite direction as well. The higher a person’s competencies are, the less they argue and insist on their own opinion.
2. Loving free or cheap stuff
“The cheaper, the better!” is the motto of many losers. It doesn’t matter if discounted socks tear the very next day, or cheap grain has bugs inside it, or a cheap vacation turns out to be a disaster. They keep on doing this year after year.
- Successful people don’t save money. They count it, and they know the true value of things. That is why they buy only necessary things of high quality that they won’t need to throw away the very next day. This is the reason why Baron Rothschild’s words “I am not rich enough to buy cheap things” are so popular today.
1. Being jealous and vilifying others
Losers are usually jealous, and they try to reveal the “true” reasons for somebody else’s success to explain their own discomfort. Is he rich? He is a thief. Is he popular? He is good at intrigue. Is he healthy? He just needs to visit a doctor. Does he have a happy marriage? He just knows how to conceal his cheating. Are you smiling? Look around, fool! In a loser’s opinion, there are no good things in life.
- Psychologists state that the feeling of jealousy is an inability to feel content with one’s own life. This is because jealous people often don’t really want to possess the things they are jealous of. They are just angry that others can achieve things in their lives and get what they want.
It’s hard not to agree that failures usually follow those who are looking for them. But whose fault is it that losers have that state of mind? Whose point of view is closer to yours — the one by Schopenhauer or the one by Kant? Do you think that if a person is a true loser, it is forever? Or can they change things?
Illustrator Sergey Raskovalov for BrightSide.me