10 Stories That Prove Kids Are the Masters of Unintentional Humor

Kids have a special talent for saying the most unexpected things at the worst (or best) possible moments. Their unfiltered thoughts and wild logic make for some of the funniest, most brutally honest moments you’ll ever witness. These 10 stories prove that when it comes to comedy, kids are the true masters of unintentional humor.

1.

The family went to Olive Garden restaurant. The waitress delivers the obligatory bowl of salad with the salad tongs. I proceed to start mixing up the salad with the tongs.

My 4-year-old daughter sits up and stares into the bowl and then looks up at me and asks, “What are you looking for?”

pinheadmaximus / Reddit

2.

My 7 y. o. son slept on the top bunk of a bed with his brother down below. He’s a bit of a tank and was hitting around 28 kg.

Once, he asked me to put him to bed, and I said, “Mate, you’re getting really heavy, I’m not sure that I can lift you all the way up that high anymore!” He looked me straight in the eye and said, “Dad, you just need to believe in yourself.”

Unknown author / Reddit

3.

I’m a part-time nanny. The girl I care for was about 2 when she potty-trained. She trained quickly and had only had one other accident. She got engrossed in play, stood up, and froze as the pee ran down her leg.

I was doing dishes and only saw her top half from the other side of the counter. I’m also a preschool teacher and I know the look well. “Did you have an accident?”, I asked. With a very serious look on her face, she said, “Go get the Clorox...”

Jill-Sanwich / Reddit

4.

My cousin’s 2-year-old came twirling in a dress and declared, “I’m a princess!” My cousin went, “You know, honey, princesses are supposed to be nice and sweet. You can’t be rude anymore, and you have to stop shouting at people!”

The kid immediately screamed, “I don’t want to be a princess!” So my cousin asked her what she wanted to be, and she immediately replied with, “The boss.”

eraser_dust / Reddit

5.

I was talking to my 5yo cousin about dinosaurs one day. I told her that the fossils we find are very old because dinosaurs lived on the planet a long, long time ago.

And she asked me, “Like when you were a little kid?” Then I asked her how old she thought I was, and she said 9.

no_more_tomatoes / Reddit

6.

As a teenager, I had horrendous acne. My 3-year-old cousin was asked if they wanted to give me a hug before leaving a family gathering.

He looked at me and said, “No, his face has big ugly buttons,” and then walked off.

Unknown author / Reddit

7.

My little cousin (6 at the time) called me over hangouts for a video call. I was sick at the time.

Me: “Do you want to see auntie? I’ll take the phone to her.”

Her: “No! You can’t go see her!”

Me: “Why don’t you want to see auntie?”

Her: “I want to see auntie, but you’re sick. You’ll get auntie sick!”

Me: “Aww, that’s so sweet! Wait... Don’t you care if I’m sick?”

Her: “Auntie has a car and can buy me candy! You don’t, so I don’t care.”

And that was the day I was put in my place by a first-grader.

Unknown author / Reddit

8.

My 8-year-old niece-in-law was talking to my brother and me. Since her aunt was dating my brother, she asked me who my girlfriend was. I said I didn’t have one.

She said, “Oh... Some people are just supposed to be alone, I guess.” Gee, thanks.

PhreedomPhighter / Reddit

9.

My 11-year-old sister to one of my friends:

“Hey, did you know that if you were to eat a bee, you would have more brains in your stomach than in your head.”

A conversation I overheard between my father and sister:

My father: “Can your little legs carry your big smart mouth?”

My sister: “Can your legs carry your big stomach?”

sabsteve / Reddit

10.

Watching Star Wars with my 5 y. o. nephew. Great scene with Darth Sidious sitting in his little chair facing out to space. You can’t see him and all you can see is the chair before he does his big spinning chair reveal.

Sidious says something like, “Ahh, Skywalker, I’ve been waiting for you.” My nephew turns to me, shrugs his shoulders and says, “Talking chair.” Don’t know why this caught me, but I lost it.

pablo_pogo / Reddit

Saying “no” to a favor should be simple, but sometimes it sets off a full-blown family crisis. In this article, one of our readers had to decline her sister’s last-minute babysitting request because she already had plans. Suddenly, she was the villain, drowning in guilt, embarrassment, and confusion over how a simple “no” caused such chaos.