I Absolutely Refuse to Turn My Home Into a Free Hotel for My Son and His New Wife

Living with the decisions your grown children make isn’t easy. They are your family, and you’ll love them no matter what. But sometimes the relationships they choose to be in don’t benefit anyone. One of our readers, Gloria, reached out to share the story of her son and his complicated marriage.

This is Gloria’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

My son, David, started college this year. He had always been good at science and decided to become an engineer. I was very proud of him, since he had had some rough patches as a teen. But things took a turn eight months ago.

His school got in contact with me and said he wasn’t attending classes regularly and that he was failing subjects that counted toward the majority of his grade. I was shocked and planned on confronting him. But before I could make the call, he knocked on my door, and he wasn’t alone.

I asked him what was going on, and he said he’d eloped with his high school sweetheart. I felt hurt and betrayed, but I put on my best smile and accepted them into my home. When I asked him about his sudden appearance, he said it would just be a short visit, and then they were going back to college.

Well, months have passed, and they’re still here with no signs that they’re planning to leave. So I sat my son down and told him that they couldn’t live in my house forever. He needed to go back to school and get a part-time job so they could move into their own place.

After that, an argument broke out. My son told his wife what I said, and now they’re refusing to leave. I just got a snotty attitude from the girl, and she ended up telling me that my son will always be welcome under my roof, and as an extension of him she was welcome too.

Here’s the problem. Neither of them have a job, and they’re helping with the household at all. They make a mess and don’t clean up after themselves. They take food without replacing it. And they’re acting like I’m some kind of servant.

To make matters worse, I don’t even like the girl. Never have, and her new attitude is making sure that I never will. She’s one of the entitled ones, and right now she believes she’s entitled to my house and all that’s in it.

It has been going on for so long that I have reached my breaking point. So last week I secretly created a resume for each of them and started sending it out to different companies that offer entry level jobs. I also found them a small apartment and paid the deposit on it.

When my DIL found out about it, she was furious. She started accusing me of all kinds of things and said I’m not a good mother because I refuse to look after my son. I told her they were old enough to look after themselves, and as adults they weren’t my responsibility.

Now my son is upset with me, and he’s saying that I’m trying to sabotage his marriage. I told him that girl was trouble and that she’ll ruin his life. But he won’t listen to my reasons. He just packed up and left without saying another word.

So Bright Side, was it wrong of me to rent my son a new place so I could get his wife out of my house?

Regards,
Gloria P.

Thank you for reaching out to us, Gloria. We understand how difficult this situation is so we’ve put together some tips that might help you.

Don’t forget your worth.

When you’re in a situation like this one, it’s easy to lose yourself and start believing that the other person is right. You need to remember how far you and your son have come. David was clearly doing well before his wife came along, and he can be in that place again. But it is possible that he’ll need your help to get there, and the journey won’t be an easy one.

Put your foot down.

If there was ever a time to have a serious discussion about the future, this would be it. You need to get David alone, sit him down, and tell him how you think this journey that he’s on will end. Remind him how important it is to go to school and follow the path he chose to be on. And if you feel this girl will really end up damaging his future, you need to make it clear.

Always stay supportive.

You might not be able to get David to understand where you’re coming from and if that’s the case you need to remain supportive. But being supportive doesn’t mean you need to spend the rest of your life looking after your son. You did the right thing by getting them an apartment and doing job applications for them. But you need to be there emotionally too and keep an open mind when you do.

Gloria’s situation is definitely not an easy one and her road forward might be just as hard. But she isn’t the only one who is having a problem with her child.

One of our other readers also reached out to share the story of how her son threw his family away to chase a new life. Read the full story here.