There comes a time in life when you might wonder if your family is taking advantage of you. It could be something small, as a word said out of context, or it could be a massive sign of disrespect. In that case, you need to decide how you’re going to proceed. One of our readers shared her experience.
Dear Bright Side,
When we were young, my sister and I were very close, and that didn’t change over the years, or at least that was what I thought. So when she had kids and asked me to babysit them, there was no doubt in my mind, I immediately agreed.
So I’ve been my sister’s free babysitter for the last 5 years and I never second-guessed my decision. I love the kids and want to spend as much time with them as I can. So every weekend or any time my sister called and said there was an emergency, I was there.
Last week, my sister asked me to watch the kids for 2 weeks while she went on vacation to Hawaii with her husband. She said that their anniversary was coming up, and her husband wanted to treat her with a special trip, so of course I agreed.
But while watching the kids yesterday, I overheard my sister and her husband talking. I gasped when she started gasping and told her husband, “Anyway, my sister has always done what I told her to. She’s like a little lapdog that will do anything to get my affection, even though I feel nothing for her.”
I would be very hurt and angry if I heard that. I hope you cut ties with your sister and move on with your own life and let your sister find someone else to take a loan of just like she did you. After all there is no love lost on her part she doesn't know what it is or she wouldn't have treated you that way.
But she didn’t stop there. She continued with, “I think she’s taking care of the kids to compensate for her terrible love life.” I was shocked and hurt. I couldn’t believe that my sister saw me like that or that she would say such cruel things about me.
So I stepped out and told my sister that if she saw me as such a burden, she could find someone else to look after her kids while she’s in Hawaii. I left after that, but I’ve been receiving constant calls and messages from her saying she would start compensating me if I just stuck to the plan.
So Bright Side, what is your opinion? Should I look after my sister’s kids and demand compensation? Or should I let her sort this issue out on her own?
Regards,
April K.
That's actually a very tough situation, if you refuse to watch them ever again, i would bet$1,000 she says
"well F*** you and you'll never see them again"
I understand this was a month ago. If anyone reads this message this is how i calculate charge when i take care of my friends and family's kids. I first tell people one week is all i will do. And I then calculate according to how many kids and $5 per meal per day, take into consideration the cost of electricity, when they're in a seperate room from you. Anytime they charge a device. And then consider water. You'll be doing laundry, they'll be drinking water, they'll be bathing, brushing teeth I'd say $12 per kid per day. Speaking of laundry whatever detergent you use the bed sheets if theyre young and have night accidents.
Are you going to have to take time away from work? What role would you have to play when it comes to the school if school is in session?
Then, what is one week of your life that you have become accustomed too and built worth having completely disrupted. Especially after what was said about you. Family is amazing, especially when family has children. Usually kids bring families closer and help mend emotional scars. But in this case they arent the cause they've become the tool of abuse. Then think about those kids obviously you care for them, it would make sense the feeling is reciprocated. What are you going to tell those children because if your sister is that manipulative then she'll probably tell the kids you dont like them anymore or something similar to shift fault and hide her cruel nature. I have never been in a situation like this, i dont have my own kids but I've lived with friends and girlfriends that all have had children from new born to 18, and I've seen when family turns on each other and when they lie to the kids, and how incredibly detrimental to their understanding how to interact with their own siblings is affected.
Don't ever let people walk on you and if you dont know if someone is or not. Simply think would they do it for you? Honestly. Most people myself included have to say no usually the people that do for everyone are the ones that get S*** on the most and worst.
As for the sister, and and the husband would be completely cut out, but the kids have done nothing wrong.
Then i would also tell sis and husband that if they need help with the kids after this episode, they need to send a properly hand written letter in the mail to arrive 15 days before they ever need anything because i will be blocking their numbers then secretly id change mine and never tell them.
If anyone reads this i hope you understand that when children get thrown into the mix with adult arguments and disputes if the adults their maturity and emotional fortitude may be severely and very negatively damaged. I hope that nobody has to deal with something like that. Its horrible for a people to.treat others this way especially sinlings.
Dear April,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us.
Don’t go back, not even for money, because the issue here isn’t compensation, it’s contempt. You didn’t overhear a moment of stress or a badly worded joke. You overheard a long-held belief that your sister sees your loyalty, availability, and love as weaknesses she can exploit.
If you stay now, even with pay, you reinforce exactly what she said about you, that she can demean you privately and still rely on you publicly. Walking away mid-plan was the right move because it finally disrupted a dynamic that’s been one-sided for five years.
Let her handle childcare on her own, not to punish the kids, but to force a boundary that should have existed long ago.
If you ever choose to help again in the future, it should only be after a genuine apology that acknowledges what she said, not excuses it. And after you redefine your role as an aunt, not an unpaid on-call employee desperate for approval.
April never expected to hear those things coming from her sister, but now that she did, she needed to decide if she was willing to lose the relationship with her sister and the kids because of it.
She isn’t the only one with family struggles, though. Another one of our readers reached out to share their experience. You can read the full story here: I Chose to Be Childfree, but Suddenly Became a Mom—And Now I’m Trapped.
uh no. have self respect
Do NOT go back. She needs to know that you respect yourself even if she doesn't. What your sister said was not a little jest it was what she herself believes and that belief DOES NOT respect you as a person or as her sister. There is no love there on her side just usage, even if she did agree to compensate you, she can never take her disparagement back.
