I Don’t Want To Be Responsible for My Ex’ Promises

Divorce is a hard time for all couples, especially those who have common children. More problems arise while ex-partners start to divide their responsibilities. Moreover, there can be some disputes over what the kids should do, and being divorced sometimes makes it harder to find common ground.

We at Bright Side have received an email from Adele who shared her current problem related to her ex-husband and their children’s activities.

Our Bright Side colleagues have discussed your situation and these are the solutions we came up with.

• First of all, you are not a bad mom, and we are sure that if the boys liked football in the first place and if you had time for it, you would definitely take them to the practices. And still, you take the boys to other activities they like, which means that you care about their desires and their leisure time, so you simply can’t be a bad mom.

• Your ex-husband’s desire to take your boys to his favorite sports may be driven by his own personal projections or dreams he couldn’t achieve. It’s quite a normal and widespread thing for every parent. If we didn’t achieve something in our life, we may try to make our children do it. But we have to remember that our children are not us, and we can’t put pressure on them to do the things they may not really like.

• Instead of arguing with your ex-husband over your children’s activities, you may want to try to speak to them. Is it that important for them to go to football practice? If they say no, talk to him about it, and maybe you should cancel the classes. But if they say yes, try to explain to the kids that you really want them to play football, however, for now, you don’t have the opportunity to take them there. Hopefully, they will understand.

• Again, speak to your ex. He doesn’t have the right to call you a bad mom. The children stay with you, you do everything to make sure that they have everything they need in their life, and you work hard for this. He didn’t initially discuss these with you and made this decision himself.
  Now he’s giving up on it, but it’s not your responsibility to leave important things to take care of his promises, even if it concerns both your children. If he doesn’t have time, he can probably ask his parents or siblings to take the kids to their practice.

• In the end, try to find a compromise. Maybe there’s an opportunity to go to football at another time. Or maybe you can suggest your ex take the kids to his tennis league. They may be thrilled to start a new sport, especially one that their dad is good at.

Do you think that this mom should have to fulfill promises made by her ex-husband? What would you do in this situation?