Family gatherings and celebrations are meant to bring loved ones closer, but for Greta, her 40th wedding anniversary had the opposite effect. Hoping to manage the space in her packed home, Greta asked her daughter-in-law to bring only one kid. What she thought was a practical request quickly sparked tension that escalated into a big rift. Now, Greta is left seeking guidance on how to mend the situation. Here’s her story.
Seriously, what did you think was gonna happen? Congratulations, you've succeeded in alienating your DIL probably forever most likely severing your access to your grandson for a long time. Foolish old woman, shame on you. You're old enough to know better. 🤦♀️
You were so, so wrong. Similar happened in my life and we never went to their house again
What sort of Grandmother would do that to her son's family. Same on you for doing that to the other children
Yes you are to blame. There is no excuse for what you did. Now you live with the consequences. On the bright side, you little house won't be in danger of being over crowded ever again.
Of course you are the AH. You chose your grandson over his half siblings causing your DIL's house to become a war zone. Your DIL is mother to 4 children, not 1, and they are all equally important to her.
Yeah you are, how foolish of you. Your grandchildren are more important than any guests
Yes. Those kids are part of your son's family, therefore, part of yours. Leaving them out of a family celebration must have hurt them, as well as your DIL. Maybe they had other issues, but this has created a huge chasm in their relationship. And yes, your son is to blame too. He is spineless. She is well rid of the lot of you.
For me, I feel the couple have been having their own issues before the older woman's anniversary. The son was looking for an excuse to leave while the wife has every right to be angry at the unfortunate circumstances. What if the son used the mom as an excuse to emotionally blackmail the wife to make her feel bad and blame his mama, so he leaves like the Saint in all this. What if there is an underlining issue between the DIL and the mother in law before now. No one wakes up and choose to leave his family, it is something that has been thought of and planned for long. No one blames the mother in law for something like this except her name has been coming up more than once. No one plans best and comes out as a Victor and Saint like some manipulators.
Taking a child out of 4 children for a family gathering is no big deal to me. Its the woman's party, and as a father and mother, I feel they should have explained to their other kids that grandma has her reason just so the kids don't feel left out or less loved.
There has been many issue on ground. And I hope one person isn't manipulating it all. I have seen manipulators work in a family, they are the worst.
Until you start to suspect and think like them, they don't get caught
Yeeeeeessss!!!!!!
Yes you are to blame. Shame on you for putting your son through that, he became “her children’s father” when they married and your step grand children.
Invite all of her kids or NONE of th kids. U were very inconsiderate & I don't blame the DIL. Noone wants to feel excluded, especially kids. Maybe u could've made it an ADULT ONLY celebration. Ur DIL feels a way towards u bc u not only excluded her kids, u HURT her kids. Regardless of ur intentions, people remember how u made them FEEL. Maybe u could try apologizing & give her time. Btw, ur son was also wrong. He disrespected his wife & kids to satisfy his mom.
Unfortunately, you did excluded her children and she has the right to feel hurt..her reactions shows it..she decided to excluded you from her home tooo! It didn't feel well..
This is my opinion. I wish everybody I on here to stop blaming her. Because she choose not having a lot of kids at her get together. I never understand why grown people want children at adult party get a babysitter.
She didn’t choose “to not have a lot of kids” she excluded her sons step children. All or none!
Yes you are to blame. By asking that of your son, you put him in an impossible situation. You could've made space for 3 more children. He could've handled the situation better on his end as well but Shame on you grandma!! You knew better!!
Yes your to blame , your son to
So disgusting! You didn't just exclude your DIL's kids, you excluded your grandson's siblings. They are so close in age, what a horrible thing to do. Your son has issues that he would allow that. You are old enough to know better; and your husband didn't saying anything either?? What a despicable family.
...wait, are the other three children not your biological grandchildren? If that's the case, Granny, you dead wrong.
In my humble opinion, when you are paying for your own event, in your own home, you may do whatever you wish, especially if you're the one paying. Now, I'm going to tell you what I would have done...NO CHILDREN. Or, held a family meeting with your husband and son and any other adult children. Considering everyone and the occasion, I would have included all grands, their parents and my closest and dearest friends who have been there over the 40 years UNLESS you had your reasons for not including the older children. Who knows? Did the teens even care to be there? Fix it Jesus.
Absolutely your fault and your sons!! You should have said no kids! How do you not know this? I can only imagine what other signals you’ve sent to her three kids over the last 9 years to let them know they are NOT your grandchildren. Just awful!
Oh wow! I missed the TRUTH...those are not her blood grandchildren. Oh, she tried it!!! Bad choice.
Yes you are to blame. They are two families that came together and became one.
Shame on your son, I guess the apple didn’t fall far from the rotten tree
TRUE
Here's the rule: kids come into your life and you love them. End of discussion.
Imo you should have explained why you didn't want her kids there and because you didn't explain I believe yes you could have put the fire out before there was even anything too be put out by just explaining it
Even her explanation wouldn’t have helped. She excluded them because she felt she didn’t have space and they weren’t her grandkids so they were expendable. Those kids have been in their lives for 9+ years since they were 1, 2 and at least 4 maybe 3. MIL and hubby showed the mom how they really feel about her kids. They tolerate them because she married into the family but her kids aren’t family. The fact that hubby had no problem with his mom excluding them when the rest of the family was there showed he has the same mindset. He doesn’t view them as his family but only his wives kids
It’s 50/50 in my opinion! You were in the wrong for excluding children from a family function and your son is in the wrong for not taking up for her and her kids! If I were her, I wouldn’t have attended the event myself…children are a package deal and you made it clear who was accepted and who wasn’t! Your son is the leader of his family so he should’ve took up for her and said that if all were not welcomed then he wasn’t going either! These aren’t adults you left out they’re children and obv come from a different family and you made it clear they weren’t accepted into yours! You were super selfish and rude! Good luck fixing that one!
I have been living the same position as you Gran only mine is backwards, GIRL almost 12 years older then my 23 year old son got her pregnant.
Now that's his fault as well as hers .
She had 2 kids i ask him and his dad as well if you d o nt want to support an help raise them you need to walk away.
Well he was getting ready to and she told him she was pregnant. OK he came to us and talked about marriage we were very supportive of this as we explained your child you help raise.
We accepted her children the problem was her she didn't like us always dodo on her first 2 treated our grandchild very badly it was terrible as her children grew up they walked away on their own .
Their mother still to this day has a problem getting along with me and my ex husband but our son stays with her good for him we let him live his life.
The moral sit and talk explain the situation and see how it can be compromised to always include the extra children .
The children didn't ask to be thrown in the mix but they were so move forward apologies are necessary always bring peace to their family once again and do something over the top to break the spell of unhappiness that has occurred and make DIL AN CHILDREN FEEL THE SPECIAL.
First off you said as you wrote it only my grandson which means you don't accept her kids as your grandchildren. Also your son is as much at fault as well cause he agreed. Invite all or none you shouldn't of just wanted your grandson it shows that you don't accept her kids and honestly I don't think you can ever fix it.
100% your fault. You owe them both an apology. Also, if you're not going to accept your DIL children as your own, make that clear & expect to be excluded from any of their family events. Maybe next time, reserve them a hotel room if space was truthfully the issue
I believe she meant not enough room in the house as far as the party. Sounds like her son doesn't live far
YES, you absolutely are to nlame
You're a selfish soul!!! Who does that??
YES YOU ARE TO BLAME!!! That’s disgusting!!! How dare you! It wasn’t about the space, but you being a terrible human being!
You should be ashamed. Excluding kids for not sharing your DNA is disgusting. If they were all your biological grandkids I bet you'd find a way to make room. Your son is dead wrong for allowing this and I'm proud of your DIL for standing up for her kids and herself.
If you don't have room for all the family why are you inviting friends? I don't think trying to leave these children out is just a 1 time thing given DIL mercurial response.
Greta you are absolutely to blame for this one. The kids are 13, 11, 10, and 9 --- how did your old, shriveled up heart not understand ALL those kids see YOU as their grandmother???? You don't deserve any of them.
Gran had every right to exclude the other kids since they aren't her flesh and blood kin. DIL can kick rocks for what it's worth.
Right, Gran had the right to exclude anybody and now she sees the consequences. DiL is kicking rocks and Gran had her party the way she wanted it. Sometimes poor judgement and lack of consideration for others feelings comes back to bite you. Something tells me this is not the first time DIL has been felt less than welcome by Gran.
I have 2 grandkids that are not flesh and blood. And let me tell you they've been my daughter oldest kids she she married their dad. No one ever even considered excluding them.
So why were her "friends" there numb nuts? You are as atrocious as the excrement that wrote this letter.
Wow, what a black hearted comment
You must be a part of that family.
Good for DIL for putting her children before her marriage. The son did not just marry the mom he accepted her children as his and part of his family. He never should've agreed to excluding his step-children and should've told his mom that she either gets all or none and then cut off contact.
What type of a mother or grandmother are you?
Hard to imagine why DIL even attended the celebration with terms like that.
Exactly!!
You DON'T exclude kids PERIOD. End of story.
Hi Greta! Thanks for opening up and sharing your story. We’ve compiled some advice to support you as you work through this challenging situation.
Write a heartfelt letter or have a conversation with the three children who were excluded. Explain to them, in an age-appropriate way, that your intention was not to hurt them but to manage space constraints at the celebration. Express that they are important to you and that you’d like to spend time with them soon.
This could help alleviate their potential feelings of rejection and rebuild trust, especially if your daughter-in-law felt you disrespected her family dynamic.
Speak with your son privately and encourage him to take accountability for how he handled the situation. He agreed to your request but didn’t communicate it effectively with his wife, which likely left her feeling unsupported.
Advise him to have an open and honest conversation with his wife, acknowledging her hurt, and reaffirming that her children are a valued part of the family. This could be the first step in mending their relationship.
Please don't ever do this great.the children are the ones you are hurting and their mother of course. They are part of your family no matter how small your house is. They are supposed to be first priority
Organize a casual family outing or meal at a neutral location, like a park or restaurant, and explicitly include all of your son’s children. Use this opportunity to show that you value each child equally and don’t hold grudges against your daughter-in-law.
This could demonstrate your commitment to repairing the relationship and shift the focus from the past conflict to positive shared experiences.
If emotions are running too high to resolve things directly, suggest involving a family therapist or mediator to facilitate communication. This neutral third party could help everyone—yourself, your son, and your daughter-in-law—express their feelings constructively.
It would also provide a safe space for your daughter-in-law to articulate why she felt disrespected and for you to explain your intentions without further inflaming the situation.
Norma has a tense relationship with her vegan daughter-in-law, and it all began on the wedding day. Without consulting the bride, Norma secretly altered the carefully planned vegan menu and brought in meat dishes. This unexpected move caused an uproar, overshadowing the celebration and leaving the day in shambles. Here’s how it all unfolded.
Honestly, you and your son are horrible people and now you can pat yourself on the back that you have ruined your son's marriage.
