I Got Uninvited From a Baby Shower and Somehow Became the Villain

Being a good friend sometimes means going above and beyond the call of duty for someone. But what happens when you are being a good pal, but the other person does not seem to value you, or your time all that much? Here’s one such woman who found herself in a quandary, when a friend decided to take a favor, but refused to give her the needed respect.

Here’s how a simple favor turned complicated.

I got invited to a baby shower by a friend I haven’t seen in years. She moved to another state but had apparently moved back and was now having her baby shower here. I was so excited since I hadn’t seen her in so long. She started a group with all the mutuals she invited and disclosed that this was going to be a quick and small one—since she had just found out she was pregnant when she was 35 weeks, with an induction scheduled on her 37th week.

We all started volunteering to be responsible for different things for the baby shower. I said I’d cook Filipino food and help pay for some of the decor. I sent money to the friend who was in charge of decorating. Plus, I asked the Mom-To-Be how many people were invited besides the ladies in the group chat. She told me 15.

There were 10 of us in the group, so I thought I’d cook for 50 people to be on the safe side, just in case she invited a few more. I started shopping for ingredients. I started prepping and coordinating with the decor lady. We figured out where we wanted the food and grazing table and told the mother-to-be. She approved.

Soon, it was the day before the baby shower, I spent the whole day cooking, taking a day off from work. I only work part-time, since I’m the primary caretaker for my baby while my partner works. Mind you, I had to arrange for my mother-in-law to watch my baby while I did all the cooking and for me to go to the baby shower. I didn’t want to bring my baby since I would be busy with the catering. It was by luck she was off those days.

Then the night before, she messaged me that she had to ‘make some hard decisions’ and ’uninvite me’. She also said that she still ‘wanted’ me to drop off the food. I told her I understood and respected her decision, but I would not be dropping off the food. She asked me why, and I told her it wouldn’t make any sense for me to drive 75 minutes to drop off food to an event I was no longer invited to. The only reason I volunteered was because I was invited. She asked me how she was going to find someone to cater on such short notice and that it was hateful of me.

A few friends sided with her, while most sided with me. I want to know from a stranger’s perspective if I messed up here.

Everyone felt the OP was blameless in this scenario.

• Maybe she should have thought about that before she uninvited the person who was making all the food for her? © peakpenguins / Reddit
• If you are not invited, you don’t have to drop off food. I would also ask for a refund of the money contributed for decor. I have no idea what “make some hard decisions” means, but it sounds more like taking advantage of someone’s goodwill. © NoCockroach4248 / Reddit
• Why would someone uninvite the person doing the catering and then expect them to still deliver the food that was being prepared at no charge to the host? Your high school friend needs a serious re-think of expectations and understand that hurtful decisions like that have serious consequences. © Bobb1964 / Reddit
• She used you and has been using you from the start. She’s a manipulator and a free loader. Block her and everyone who sided with her. Enjoy your food!! © Disastrous-Sthe / Reddit
• Did she say why she had to make this “hard decision”? There were only 25 people invited. Don’t tell me there was a lack of space. She waited until the day before the event to uninvite you. If it was due to a lack of space, she had plenty of time to plan accordingly. Her hard decision was to tell you that you can’t attend, but that you were still expected to provide the food. That’s crazy. You already made a financial contribution toward decorations for this event.
  You haven’t seen this person in years, and that was generous enough. But you also went out of your way to cook multiple dishes, and the hard choice was what? Whether to have you or the food? You made the food. It’s a package deal. No you, no food. Anyone who sides with her is clearly just as selfish as she is, and you shouldn’t even concern yourself with their opinion.
  © shadyzeta579 / Reddit

Others offered some hilarious petty revenge options!

• Invite everyone siding with you to come over to your place instead of the baby shower to enjoy your food, especially since your “friend” won’t have any food at her shower anyway. Problem solved! © elguapo1996 / Reddit
• What???? She conned you into catering her shower, then threw you to the curb AND just wants the free food. Send her a bill for your time and costs times 10 if she wants the food. © Legal-Lingonberry577 / Reddit
• “Sorry, but the food and I are a matched set. You uninvite one, you uninvite both.” Every time I think I’ve seen the summit of Mount Tacky, something comes along to tell me I’m wrong.
  © TacoInWaiting / Reddit
• Should have said okay. At the last minute, send her a DM letting her know that you had to make some hard choices and decided to do laundry today & were unable to make the food.
  © ShadedCoin / Reddit

The OP also added a few clarifications.

1. I don’t know the full story about her pregnancy. She told me that she went to an OB checkup because her period was unusually heavy and long. They found out she was 35 weeks pregnant and was having complications, which is why they scheduled an induction.
2. I’ve already sent the ss of the dms to the 10 mutuals. THREE out of the 10 sided with her, which prompted me to post this because maybe I’m missing something. I was being told that I should’ve been ‘an actual friend’. That I should’ve been the bigger person. That she was going through a rough time with her pregnancy.
3. MTB never disclosed to me why she had to make a hard decision and why I was uninvited. The whole point of us 10 volunteering was to take off the burden off her shoulders. Our mutual friend who was the decor lady was the first one to reach out to me about me not being there, since she and I coordinated where the food was going to be at. She’s also the one that told me that MTB was telling her and other people that I got my feelings hurt, which is why I didn’t want to come. She didn’t tell them what hurt my feelings. Or how or when. I was too worn out from prepping and cooking to fire back. I took the peaceful route. Also, I didn’t ask for the money I spent on the decor, my gift, I guess.
4. I donated all the food to the women’s and children’s shelter. I figured they’re more deserving. I cook Filipino food all the time, plus I got a freezer stash of lumpia.

By donating the food and keeping mostly mum, the OP proves she has a heart of gold. But sometimes petty revenge is the perfect karma, as this woman showed when a man tried to bully her out of her paid airplane seat.