I Ran Away From Our Family Vacation After My Son Gave Me an Insulting Ultimatum

Family & kids
3 months ago

Marta, a grandmother, found herself in the midst of a family crisis during a planned vacation with her only son and his family. Realizing the need to advocate for her needs and assert her independence in familial relationships, she made a hasty decision. Unsure if she had overreacted, she wrote to Bright Side, seeking advice.

What a nerve your son has ! If he wanted you to babysit a 2 or 3 times he should have asked and not bamboozled you .You did right , he was and is wrong and disrespectful...

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I am so sorry your son lost his moral compass. If my child invited me, then said they would "treat" me, that means free for you by the way if he needs clarification, and decided without notice before vaca started I was going to babysit every single night, dinner would have been canceled and no child is too old to be taught a lesson. You have every right to leave any situation for any reason. If they wanted to go out every night they shouldn't have brought kids. Right there to me makes them TA, how do the kids feel knowing they are on vaca but get left behind every night cause mommy and daddy would rather vaca without them? That's how it looks to me, they wanted you there to take over the kids so they can have a kid free vaca. What horribly souled people.

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You did nothing wrong. If either of my sons treated me like that or spoke to me that way I would be so hurt. I would have done exactly what you did but I don't know if I could have held my tongue.

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Sorry, but not sorry, your son is a piece of work there. He told you, all expenses paid, literally stated you had nothing to worry about? What part of being a babysitter is worry free, or all expenses paid but you need to pay another way. Talk about manipulation, lying a bit much, selling a vacation get away, to acquire a free nanny. He lied plain and simple. You weren't invited on a vacation. This was just a psychological game you are home and kids think they are vacationing too, but it was the cost for parents to enjoy a vacation guilt free. They must have felt sorry for you and believe you were gullible. No, you are not in the wrong, your well being is important. Your son knew if he said you're a nanny for the vacation you would have declined the offer. The way he put it talking down to you as if you're a child, what? You didn't think you were here for free did you? That's just below the belt. I'm glad you left. Take care of yourself and please do not give in to them. Block the number or ignore it, you don't deserve to be treated in such a petty fashion. Son has zero respect or care for you. You need to step back and look at the whole picture. Enjoy your you, time

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Communication was non-existent here. You should have made it clear that you weren't going to cook, housekeep, or babysit. Also, to avoid future situations like this, don't be entirely dependent on someone else. Have your own means or don't go. This isn't a new revelation about your son I'm sure. Now there's a riff in the family. Imagine what the grandchildren think.

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You left without telling your family. Your son expected you to babysit without telling you. The apple didn't fall far from that tree. I would be 100% on your side if you told your family you were leaving. Maybe explain to the grandkids that it wasn't their fault you were going home early. You are TA. Your son is TA for expecting you yo baby sit every night.

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3 months ago
You can't hide three things: the Sun, the Moon and the truth. But you sure can hide a comment.
3 months ago
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3 months ago
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3 months ago
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Your son and dil is and was very disrespectful not to discuss any plans with you. I don't blame you for leaving.

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Yes you did do something wrong you ran away which was very disrespectful putting the family and fear not knowing what happened to you if you're dead murdered but realizing you went home further annoyed your son and wife you are the heart of the family strong roots planted in the ground you're always supposed to be there for your kids and grandchildren. Shame on you

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Being there for you family doesn't mean being a doormat for manipulative behavior and being used. She was the one being disrespected.

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3 months ago
This comment was eaten by a raccoon.

She probably left a note or texted once on board the plane. Something like that to prevent them from guilting her to stay & babysit.

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Thank you, Marta, for entrusting us with your story. We have gathered five pieces of advice that we hope will help you navigate through this challenging time.

Setting Boundaries

Your feelings of hurt and betrayal are valid. It's crucial to communicate your boundaries clearly to your son and daughter-in-law. Let them know that while you cherish spending time with your grandchildren, you also need time for yourself, especially during vacations.

Express your willingness to help with childcare but within reasonable limits. Reinforce the importance of mutual respect in family dynamics. When you meet them, approach the conversation calmly but assertively, emphasizing the need for open communication and understanding. Remember, setting boundaries is not selfish; it's essential for maintaining healthy relationships.

Addressing Expectations

Your decision to prioritize your emotional well-being was courageous. Acknowledge your feelings of guilt but also recognize that you acted in response to being taken advantage of. It's essential to address the issue head-on with your son and daughter-in-law.

Express your disappointment in their lack of consideration for your needs and feelings. Emphasize the importance of mutual respect and understanding in family relationships. Be open to discussing solutions that ensure everyone's needs are met, including yours. Remember, standing up for yourself is not selfish—it's an act of self-care and self-respect.

Reasserting Self-Worth

Your decision to leave the vacation early was a powerful assertion of your self-worth. Hold onto that strength as you navigate this situation with your son and daughter-in-law. Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect and consideration.

When you meet them, approach the conversation with confidence and clarity. Express your feelings calmly but firmly, emphasizing that you deserve to be included in decisions that affect you. Reaffirm your commitment to maintaining healthy boundaries in your relationships. Remember, your worth is not defined by others' opinions or expectations.

Embracing Empathy

Navigating conflicts within family dynamics can be challenging, especially when emotions run high. Try to empathize with your son and daughter-in-law's perspective while also asserting your own needs. Consider having an open and honest conversation with them about how their actions made you feel.

Listen actively to their side of the story and try to find common ground. Express your willingness to find a solution that respects everyone's boundaries and desires. Remember, empathy and understanding can pave the way for constructive dialogue and resolution.

Seeking Mediation

The discord between you, your son, and daughter-in-law is undoubtedly distressing. Consider seeking the help of a neutral third party, such as a family therapist or mediator, to facilitate a constructive conversation. A mediator can provide a safe space for all parties to express their concerns and work towards a resolution.

Approach the idea of mediation with openness and willingness to find common ground. Remember, seeking outside help is not a sign of weakness, but a proactive step towards resolving conflicts and restoring harmony within the family.

Balancing a positive relationship with different family members while ensuring personal happiness is essential for family unity. Recently, a woman shared her deep distress upon discovering that her mother-in-law had been interfering behind her back in her own home. Find her story here.

Preview photo credit freepik / Freepik

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The writer of this post did the right thing in leaving based on the actions of the son and his wife.

The only thing I might have done differently was to tell them as I was walking out the door, though, because by doing things the way they did it made an extremely empowering move an act of cowardice.

However, your son took away your choices by not telling you to begin with this was his expectation. Had he asked ahead of time, the two of you might have been able to reach some sort of compromise because I'm sure you would have loved the opportunity to spend time with your grands!

I guess the best part of this is now knowing your son prefers a transactional relationship with you, and that's the saddest part of all of this.

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