I Refuse to Speak to My In-Laws After They Ignored My Dying Daughter

There is no pain deeper than losing a child, especially after a long, relentless battle with cancer. You fight alongside them, hold onto hope, and when the worst happens, your entire world shatters. In those moments, all you need is the love of your family, but what happens when that’s missing? You take a step back.

She cut off all ties with her in-laws after her 6-year-old died

We at Bright Side are truly sorry for your loss and are sending you all our love and support during this difficult time. We understand how painful it must be to grieve while feeling distant from your in-laws.

Please remember, though, that no situation is beyond repair. That’s why we’ve put together a few suggestions that might help you reconnect and cope with this moment with care.

Stop trying to make sense of why they did this

• You’ll never get an explanation that feels acceptable because there isn’t one. Their choice to prioritize babysitting over being there for a dying grandchild? That’s not a logic problem to solve—it’s a moral failure. Every time you think, “How could they?”, remind yourself: They did. They showed you who they are.

You probably need to grieve your daughter separately from grieving the in-law betrayal

• Right now they’re tangled together, and that’s natural, but it’s also very heavy. Maybe try doing something just for your daughter. Write letters to her. Talk to her out loud when you’re alone. Make a little space in your life where it’s just about her and not about them. That doesn’t mean you’re forgiving anybody, it just means your memories of your daughter don’t have to be tainted by their failure.

Your husband is grieving too, but that doesn’t mean you have to carry his feelings about his parents

• If he wants a relationship with them, fine. But it’s not fair for him to expect you to pretend nothing happened. He can’t fix this by asking you to “just let it go”, because letting it go feels like disrespecting your daughter’s memory. He needs to understand that.

A few suggestions from Reddit users

• Presumably when helping with SIL kids they were only 25 minutes away and wouldn’t even visit your kids. They wouldn’t come to see them for even a few hours before going to SIL. They do not care about your kids or your family at all, this includes your husband, their son, who they didn’t even want to support during such a horrible time. Doesn’t your husband realise they didn’t even try to support any of you? I’d die on this hill. What awful people. I’m very sorry for your loss. © MollyTibbs / Reddit
• I feel speechless and I hope your husband respects you for how you feel and the wrong that was clearly done. © YesterdayPutrid3563 / Reddit
• How can your husband even look at them? That is so mean that your poor little girl kept asking for her grandmother, but grandmother couldn’t be bothered. I would do the same thing you’re doing. © Content_Print_6521 / Reddit

• Remind your husband that a lot of marriages don’t survive the loss of a child and yours won’t either if he doesn’t lay off. I would absolutely never speak to those people again. You’re generous for letting them still see your son. © Cold_Dead_Heart / Reddit
• Your ILs chose to priority themselves so they wouldn’t have to wear a mask. I am horrified. In your shoes, I would probably be keeping my son from them, too, incase they hurt him as well by their actions. Please look after your mental health. Grieving a child is beyond awful. Please accept a heartfelt virtual hug from a total stranger. © Doggedart / Reddit
• I was like your daughter, but I survived. I spent years of my childhood in and out of the hospital for treatments and procedures. Never once did my dad’s parents come to visit me. Even as a child, I knew and I was hurt by it. My elementary school teachers visited me more in the hospital than my grandparents. I’m 36 now and still upset by it. When people show you who they are, believe it. His parents are shit, and your husband is an absolute clown for wanting to act like nothing happened. © fair-strawberry6709 / Reddit

You’re grieving and protecting yourself after what sounds like an unimaginably painful experience. That said, this is a complex, high-stakes emotional situation. Here’s a similar story.