Dealing with in-laws isn’t always easy, especially when there is a lack of respect. But they have relationships with our children and that can make things difficult because we want to see them as part of the family. One of our readers shared the experience she had with her daughter-in-law.
I'm sorry but your DIL is the one who crossed the line here. Not you. Your DIL is obviously too controlling when it comes to feeding her kids. Your grandkids should be able to choose whatever foods they want to eat. You didn't do anything wrong. In fact I feel so bad for those kids
Dear Bright Side,
Since my second grandchild was born, my grandkids have been staying with me after school. I make sure they have everything they need and make sure to feed them nutritious meals every day. But my DIL is a bit out of hand when it comes to the kids.
She controls every meal they have and gives me strict rules that they have to follow. It’s like she’s treating me like I’ve never raised a child before, and it’s a little insulting. But what she did today really takes the cake.
She stormed into my house holding a burger and yelled, “How DARE you feed them junk food?” I smirked because I was expecting something like this to happen. She froze when I gave her the menu list and ingredients she had handed me when our agreement started.
I ticked off all the ingredients I used to make the burgers to prove that I followed her instructions, even though it is a nuisance for me to do so. I told her, “I made them burgers because that’s what they wanted. You should be glad they didn’t go buy themselves junk food.”
She was stunned into silence, so I told her that she was so controlling that her kids were too scared to admit that they wanted to try something their friends always spoke of. There is a lot of food they reject because they don’t know how she’ll feel about it.
She left without saying another word, and I can see that my words really hurt her. Things got worse when she messaged me this evening saying that she thinks it would be better if she put some distance between me and my grandkids because she feels I’m a bad influence.
I was shocked. I didn’t think she would go this far over something as simple as a burger. But she seems to think I crossed a line. So Bright Side, what do you think? Was I wrong?
Regards,
Tara M.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story, Tara. We understand that this is a difficult situation, so we’ve put together a few tips that might be helpful.
Sounds like her kids wont be so close to there controlling mother is she even human.
They are NOT starving, so CPS WON'T do anything. I agree that she is WAY TOO CONTROLLING, I think that it's more about her kids growing up, AND loving their grandma so much. Creating this atmosphere of being afraid to even WANT other food, because SHE won't like it, WILL backfire on her. When they are old enough, they may end up becoming food obsessed, leading to unhealthy habits. Not to mention, keeping them away from grandma. HER need to control EVERYTHING, is not going to benefit her, in the long run.
It is really nice of you to watch them but they are her children and if they are on special diets, might be for a reason. When you raised your kids, if your mom watched them did you want them to have certain things? Did you get upset if she went or always went away with it? Would it have been so bad to give her a call and say hey the kids are really wanting burgers, how do you want me to handle this? She is in her rights to have someone else watch them too. You are making this an I'm better at being a mom than you are. Talk to your DIL unless you don't want to see your grandkids again. If that is alright with you then leave it be. Maybe you are burnt out by watching them everyday. That us alright too.
She made the burgers from scratch using approved ingredients on the mother's food list.
IF the REQUIRED a special diet, and SHE DIDN'T SAY SO, then SHE is the one at fault. But she GAVE an APPROVED foods list. Grandma FOLLOWED IT. MOMMY IS NUTS.
Accept the distance. She can make other after school arrangements. Her controlling behavior will come back to bite her eventually.
Is YOUR SON THE KIDS FATHER? Then TELL HIM that your DIL is using your grandchildren to BLACKMAIL YOU. All of these stories have ONE THING IN COMMON, NO ONE TALKS TO EACH OTHER ABOUT WHAT IS BOTHERING THEM. If your DIL isn't happy with your way of adherence to HER RULES, then STOP WATCHING THE KUDS. I know that you love your grandkids and would never harm them, but SHE is their mother, good or bad. Speak up or don't, it is up to you. If you let her bully you with your own grandkids, she will do it more often, for more petty reasons. Your son should be dealing with this, too.
MIL will only lose access to her son too, if she tells him (DIL will see to it). Best thing for MIL is to be conciliatory, feed the children what DIL wants, and reduce the number of times she babysits, so she can have a broader retired life and DIL can arrange other childminding options.
IF her son doesn't know how to stand up to his wife, it won't matter WHAT the MIL does. Giving in to the DIL, is just what she is hoping for. Little by little, she will lose her self and her grandchildren anyway. If she allows it to happen, she can only blame herself.
Right now, you’re operating in a dynamic where your daughter-in-law dictates rules, and you demonstrate compliance, which keeps you in a defensive position and reinforces her belief that she must “supervise” what happens in your home. Instead of continuing to prove you’re doing things correctly, invite her into a collaborative process, something like planning weekly or monthly meal schedules together based on nutritional goals and what you can realistically prepare. This reframes you from being monitored to being a partner in raising the kids, which could reduce her need to micromanage and help her feel secure while still acknowledging your experience.
Your DIL is allowing her PRIDE to take over. Once she realizes how much money you saved in daycare and meals , she'll come back!
The conflict escalated largely because the kids wanted something outside their usual restricted diet, and you provided it, which she interpreted as undermining her authority rather than accommodating their curiosity. Instead of spontaneous exceptions, propose a structured routine, such as following her guidelines most days but allowing one “kids-choice meal” per week prepared with wholesome ingredients. Present it not as rebellion, but as a healthy way to let the kids explore new foods, practice moderation, and socialize more easily with peers, while still keeping nutrition at the forefront. This shows you respect her standards while addressing the emotional side of parenting choices.
Her reaction likely stems more from feeling a loss of control than from the burger itself, so directly defending your actions can make her double down instead of calming the situation. Start conversations by acknowledging why she felt upset before explaining your perspective and boundaries. This approach reduces defensiveness, keeps the relationship intact, and still makes clear that you won’t operate under constant suspicion or rigid oversight.
Tara finds herself in a difficult position, but it’s not a situation that can’t be fixed. She isn’t the only one who is having trouble within her family, though.
Another one of our readers reached out and shared their story with us. You can read it here: I Refuse to Cook Lunch for My Husband’s Family Every Sunday, So I Set the Perfect Trap.
Stuff like this is why so many families end up resenting each other. When someone starts acting like the free help instead of actual family, things go downhill fast. The MIL finally pushed back, and yeah, it was messy, but the DIL wasn’t exactly innocent either. This is the kind of situation where everyone thinks they’re right, and it just turns into a quiet war in the house
Everyone needs to read this again. The burgers were made,with approved ingredients, from the dil. So the grandmother didn't give them anything,they weren't suppose to have. The DIL is embarrassed,and that is the reason for the distance
