A secretary reached out after a difficult situation at work. Her boss’s recent behavior, compliments and gifts in front of coworkers, made her uncomfortable, so she reported it to HR. But what happened next left her unsure how to move forward, caught between keeping her job and dealing with something totally out of her control.
Dear Bright Side,
I’m a secretary in an office. My boss has always been friendly, but lately, he’s been giving me compliments and flowers in front of coworkers.
I felt uncomfortable and planned to report to HR, when the next day I found he fired the coworker who told his wife how he flirted with me and tried to pursue me.
Then he told me not to take his wife seriously. He said they’d soon divorce and that he wanted a serious relationship with me. How could I look at him after that?
HR isn’t really backing me and only tells me to “document and avoid contact” but it didn’t feel like a real solution. I’m torn. I just got this job after years of unemployment and need to support my family.
I feel completely stuck between keeping the job I desperately need and protecting myself from a situation that’s already spiraling out of control. Have you or your readers ever been through something like this? Any tips or advice on how I can handle it without losing my job—or my sanity?
— Samantha
We’re so sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately, it’s more common than many realize to end up caught between needing a job and facing inappropriate behavior from a boss. You’re not alone in feeling torn.
Below, we’ve gathered some useful and commonly shared tips that might help you find a way to protect yourself, and hopefully escape this situation with your career and peace of mind intact.
Save evidence discreetly: Forward work emails, flowers notes, or messages to your personal account (but not your work one). If anything escalates legally, contemporaneous evidence is gold.
Use polite deflection: If he compliments you inappropriately, try neutral responses like “Thanks, let’s get back to the project.” It signals disinterest without confrontation.
Seek a mentor inside the company: Find someone respected but not tied to your boss. Having another leader in your corner gives you support without making it personal.
Wait HR isn't doing anything. Document everything. He comes to your desk document the conversation. He gives you flowers document with pictures. Get with the person who was fired and documented that. Tell HR you are will to get a lawyer if it doesn't stop then if they try to fire you it retaliation and that is illegal. I understand you need the job but this guy has to stop what he is doing is not ok.
Separate job from boss: Do your work impeccably. Don’t give them performance grounds to target you. If things go legal, your professionalism will weigh in your favor.
Think exit strategy: Even if you’re not ready to quit, quietly update your resume, apply elsewhere, or reconnect with old contacts. It’s easier to move if you’ve already planted seeds.
Don’t engage emotionally: If his wife shows up again, stay calm and don’t argue back. Let HR or security handle it, anything you say could be twisted.
Limit private contact.: No after-hours texts, calls, or personal favors. Keep communication strictly within work channels.
Request proactive measures: Ask HR to set up regular check-ins with you to review the situation, not just “call us if something happens.”
Record every conversation he has with you. Then when HR still does nothing with that evidence added then it becomes a lawsuit. You keep your job, scandalous boss and HR personal loses their.
Protect your reputation in-house: Even if things get ugly with your boss, keep your work bulletproof. That way, if you leave, people remember you as competent, not “part of a scandal.”
Test the waters first: Apply to one or two jobs casually. Even if you don’t take them, interviewing reminds you that you do have value outside this office.
