My Cousin Wants to Bring My Ex as Her Plus One to My Wedding

Most brides think about who their bridesmaids will be long before they get married. One bride selected her cousin for this special role, only to discover that this person, who recently started dating the bride’s ex, is planning to bring him as her guest for the big day.

She shared her story.

“My cousin is currently dating my ex, with whom I ended things amicably. Although I no longer have feelings for him, I don’t want him at my wedding, a day that is incredibly important to me. I don’t want him there to potentially overshadow the happiness of the occasion. Additionally, their relationship is still quite new, and I worry that if they break up, my cousin will be glad that he’s not in any of the photos.”

“When my cousin brought up the issue of bringing her boyfriend as a plus one, I told her that she could not bring him. She became upset and tried to argue her case. Feeling frustrated, I finally told her that if she insisted on having him there, then I would rather she not be there at all. Now she’s angry with me.

I understand where my cousin is coming from, but I feel like she’s not considering my feelings and those of my partner, whom I also have to consider when planning our wedding. Am I in the wrong for standing my ground on this issue?”

Here’s what people had to say about this.

• “My question is why in the hell would the ex want to be there? I’m not filled with hate for any of my exes, but I don’t even want to talk to them on the phone. I would never consider attending their wedding.” ShekkieJohansen / Reddit
• “One of my exes was my husband’s best man at our wedding. It wasn’t weird because we parted as friends, knowing we weren’t right for each other. He introduced me to my husband. It wasn’t weird for any of us. It’s your wedding, so you can invite or not invite anyone you choose. Just consider what you may be doing to the relationship with your cousin. It sounds like you may not be as okay with her dating your ex as you are trying to make it seem.” winchestersandgrace / Reddit
• “First, good on you that you’re not making a thing of the fact they are dating as many people would. You don’t have a veto over who either of them dates. However, you do have a veto over who is invited to your wedding. Having your ex would be inappropriate, particularly if he’s there with your cousin. I agree that you should uninvite your cousin. ” QuesoDelDiablos / Reddit
• “Your cousin wants to bring your ex of an almost 4-year-long relationship to your wedding, even though she’d only been seeing him for 4 months. That is unhinged; she’s feeling insecure about him having been such a big part of your life and wants some sort of validation out of this. Don’t let her use YOUR WEDDING to act on her weird issues. Put your partner first like your instinct is telling you to, not your cousin. Never mind her emotions about it!” northsearain / Reddit

• “Your wedding, your guest list. End of discussion. I am curious though as to how on earth an ex that you say you parted with amicably could POSSIBLY overshadow your happiness on the day that you marry someone you are completely in love with? Or is it your fiance who is bothered by an ex being in attendance?” Diasies_inMyHair / Reddit
• “You can invite who you want to your wedding. I wouldn’t want an ex I was friendly with at my wedding. My husband decided that would be a rule for us both when we were making our guest list. It wasn’t an issue of jealousy or any worries about the exes. I’m not sure how you’re setting up your tables, but we’re seated at the front of the room with our wedding party and their SOs. So they’re in all our pictures during the dances, toasts, and dinners. I would not want my ex who is a date of my bridesmaid and not in what seems to be a serious relationship (yet) in my pictures. I do see her side that she wants to bring her SO. That makes total sense to me. But maybe she should just come as a guest and bring him that way? You definitely should have thought about this before you asked her. I don’t think she should be kicked from the entire wedding, but it may be more constable for all if she’s not in the wedding party.” Sometimesitsamonkey / Reddit
• “Depending on how long the wedding has been in preparation, the cousin might not have even been dating the ex when the bride-to-be asked her to be a bridesmaid. According to her, they were not dating when the cousin was asked to be a bridesmaid.” afresh18 / Reddit
• “It’s your wedding and you get to decide who attends. I think it’s fine for her to have asked you, as you did end things amicably with him, but she should have accepted things straight away since it’s your wedding. If she comes back to you and says she is sorry and leaves the matter alone, then you might decide to keep her as a bridesmaid. If she continues to bring this up and continues to be angry, then I completely understand why you wouldn’t want her as a bridesmaid anymore.” louises1987 / Reddit
• “I’m kind of surprised the cousin fought for her +1. I definitely wouldn’t date my cousins’ former beaus. But let’s say life revealed that one of my cousin’s former partners was the LOVE OF MY LIFE, I would still be extremely reluctant to inflict him on my cousin on her wedding day!” wonderfulkneecap / Reddit

• “No one wants their ex at their wedding. It’s weird. Is there a man shortage where you live? Why is your cousin dating your ex anyway?” the_harlinator / Reddit
• “Who told your cousin that your wedding is about her? She needs to disavow herself of that notion, you don’t need to do anything.” chimcharbo / Reddit
• “It’s reasonable and common to not have an ex at your wedding. She knew this when she started dating him and she should know better than to try to make the day about herself.” thenord321 / Reddit
• “Weddings are not supposed to be a ’date’ event. She is a cousin, so I assume that she’ll know lots of people there already and doesn’t need that +1 as a social insulator. Besides, family is the important part here, celebrating your union. I can’t believe she even asked.” Loud_Ad_4515 / Reddit

Couples often have varied priorities, while families bring their own expectations, and balancing guests’ budgets and preferences can spark conflict. However, this woman’s story is unique — her sister excluded her from the wedding to invite her ex-boyfriend instead.