My DIL Excluded Me From the Family Trip—but I Refused to Stay Silent

Family relationships can go one of two ways: they can either be wonderful or dreadful. This is especially true once our children get married. A MIL can have a great relationship with her DIL or not. Our reader, Rachel, shared this story about what her DIL had done to her.

This is Rachel’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

I’ve only ever had one child, my son, and I have spent my life making sure he had everything he wanted and needed. And that didn’t change when he got married. I welcomed his wife, Tanya, with open arms and started doing exactly the same things for her.

I would help with the household chores and grocery shopping. And once their daughter, Sally, was born I even offered to help take care of her. Everything was going well until they had their second child, which also happened to be around the time I retired.

Tanya decided to go back to work and after discussing it we decided that I would take care of the children during their working hours. I made sure everything was clean and dinner was cooked by the time they got back. But it wasn’t long before Tanya started giving me an attitude.

It started small with comments like, “I can never find anything when you clean up.” And then it grew to comments about my cooking and “old school” parenting techniques. I brushed it all off, thinking she might just be under a lot of pressure at work and that it would change.

But two weeks ago, things hit a tipping point. My son had invited me to stay for dinner and told me that they would be taking the whole family on a week-long trip to Italy. I was very excited because Italy had always been a bucket list country for me.

But as I was leaving, my DIL pulled me aside and said, “You can’t come with us. Someone needs to look after the house while we’re gone. And I ordered a few things from Amazon that need to be packed away before we get home.”

I was shocked to my core. My DIL had never done anything like this before. But it wasn’t even her actions that upset me, it was the way she saw me. I wasn’t a MIL to her or a grandmother to her children. I was the hired help that she didn’t have to pay.

I was furious, to say the least. After all I have given them and done for them, this was the “Thank You” they thought I deserved? It hurt more than I’m willing to admit. So after they left, I decided to show them what it would be like when I wasn’t around.

I locked up and went home, leaving everything as it was. There was no watering the plants or collecting Amazon packages. I didn’t even pack the stuff that was in the dishwasher away. I simply left a note saying that I would no longer be able to help them anymore.

Well, they got home yesterday and my DIL was furious. All her precious packages had gotten wet, and all the things she relied on to me for were now her responsibility. She called me and started accusing me of ruining her gifts, while subtly hinting that I was trying to sabotage her career.

But I simply told her that if she needs a helping hand, she should consider hiring someone. Now my son is upset with me. He says I overreacted and could’ve handled things differently.

So Bright Side, was I wrong for standing my ground and putting my needs first?

Regards,
Rachel T.

Treat the Italy trip as your wake-up call.

It stung to be told you weren’t “family” enough to come along, but that moment gave you a clear picture of how Tanya sees you. Instead of holding on to the hurt, use it as the point where you stop being their on-call housekeeper and start deciding for yourself how you want to be involved.

Put that same energy back into your own life.

You’ve spent so much time cooking, cleaning, babysitting, and basically keeping their household running. Imagine what would happen if you poured that effort into yourself instead. Plan your own Italy trip, pick up something fun you’ve always wanted to try, or simply enjoy retirement on your own terms. Showing them that you have your own life makes it impossible for them to keep treating you like staff.

Don’t let Tanya’s “sabotage” comment stick.

If she brings it up again, you can gently but firmly push back: “Do you really think your career depends on me unpacking Amazon boxes?” It’s not snark, it just makes her hear how unreasonable she sounds. Sometimes, repeating their words back is the quickest way to make someone realize how off-base they are.

In this situation, Rachel wasn’t wrong. She was standing up for herself and reminding everyone what her place in the family really is. But she isn’t the only one with DIL issues.

Another one of our readers, Margaret, shared the story of how her DIL disrespected her in her son’s house. Read the full story here.