Some people label women as “difficult” when they refuse to be taken for granted. But standing up for yourself isn’t being unreasonable—it’s self-respect. One of our readers shared her experience of setting firm boundaries with her ex-husband after years of putting peace above her own needs.
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Dear Bright Side,
I never expected to be called unreasonable, but apparently, standing up for my kids makes me the bad guy.
My ex (Henry) and I have been divorced for 9 years. After proposing to his new girlfriend, he moved back to his hometown. He told me he could only see our two kids every other weekend.
But things took a drastic turn once they got married.
At first, when I didn't know any better, I said fine, but he needed to give me $400 in child support plus the shared big expenses. He said he couldn't afford that and asked for $200.
Then he started skipping visits until one day, I found out that he and his fiancée had been traveling to expensive resorts, taking romantic getaways, and spending thousands on their dream wedding—while constantly telling our kids he “couldn’t afford” to do anything with them.
In the beginning, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and tried my best to make things work. I made sure the kids were excited to see him, adjusted plans when he needed me to, and even helped them pick out gifts for all the important times of the year.
While I was stretching myself thin, and making sure our children felt stable, he was building a new life. And that new life? It didn’t include them.
I found out he and his new wife were going out of their way to make the kids feel unwelcome. It wasn’t that he owed the kids an expensive trip or that he needed to buy them expensive things, but the fact that he just brushed them off? That stung.
That’s when I stopped making excuses for him. When he canceled, I told the kids the truth instead of covering for him. Over 4 months, he only saw them once.
Then my son told me something that broke me. Their stepmother didn’t want them calling me when they were at their dad’s house because she found it “disruptive.” My daughter was sent to her room at 6 pm one night because he “needed sleep.”
And the worst? When my son asked to spend more time with him, Henry snapped, “You see me plenty. Be grateful I’m not one of those dads who just disappears.”
That was the final straw. I filed for full custody and requested a child support adjustment. Henry offered to increase support to $950, but I refused to let him set the terms anymore. I told him the court would decide.
He tried to guilt-trip me by pointing out that I made more money than him. I didn’t hold back, “That’s why I take care of our kids—while you and your new wife pretend they don’t exist.”
If standing up for my kids makes me “difficult,” so be it. I’m done making life easy for someone who won’t do the same for his own children.
Women who stand up for themselves are often called “high conflict,” but sometimes that just means they refuse to settle for less than they deserve. If you liked this story, you might enjoy reading this one too.
