My Husband Chose His Brother’s Wedding Over Our Baby, I Set Boundaries He Can’t Cross Again

Having a baby is a joyous occasion. They bring families together and instill a sense of magic in the lives of their parents. But people often believe that there are certain guidelines when it comes to pregnancy and if one partner misses something it can become problematic.

One of our readers, Stella, reached out.

Dear Bright Side,

When I first got pregnant, everything was great. It was like one of those fairy tale situations where everyone comes together and supports the wife. And my husband was a dream. But that all changed the day my BIL sent out the invitations to his wedding.

The wedding was set to take place a few days before my due date, so I was worried and apprehensive. I brought it up with my husband, but he laughed it off and said I was being dramatic. He wanted to go and there was nothing that was going to stop him.

So I kept quiet, and he ended up going to the wedding alone, just as he planned. But things took a turn that night. As I was preparing to go to bed, my water broke and not long after that I went into labor. I called my husband, hoping he’d be understanding and supportive.

“Okay, I’m leaving now. I’ll be there soon,” he said. About twenty minutes later, there was a knock at the door. I opened and was shocked to see that it wasn’t my husband. It was his sister. She stepped into the house looking awkward but determined.

I asked her where my husband was, and she hesitantly said, “He asked me to come pick you up. He didn’t want to leave the wedding early, thought it’d be rude.” My heart sank. I couldn’t believe that my husband called his sister to be there for the delivery of his first child because he thought it would be rude to leave a party.

If he truly cared about me or this child, he would’ve dropped everything to be by my side. But in this case, the wedding party won. And that really stung because I knew the reason he stayed was because he loved those kinds of parties, more than his wife and child as it seems.

I nodded and allowed his sister to help me. But at that moment, I realized that our marriage meant nothing to him. It was all about his needs, and that was not how I wanted to raise my child. He showed up a few days later, acting like nothing happened, but I told him I’m going to stay with my parents until I decide what’s best for me and my son.

But now that a few days have passed, I’m wondering if I might have overreacted. Do you think it was right of me to take my son and leave without hearing my husband out?

Regards,
Stella C.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. We understand how difficult a situation like this can be so we’ve put together some tips that might be useful in this case.

Reevaluate your decisions.

It’s normal to be upset in a situation like this, but you need to ask yourself if your feelings are justified. Pregnancy and labor are emotional times, and you need to have a careful look at your reactions before you can decide if your husband was unsupportive or not. He might like such kinds of events, but is that the real reason why he didn’t come? Or is there more to the situation that you are not aware of?

Talk things through.

Before you make life altering decisions based on emotions, it’s important to talk to your husband. Find out why he didn’t come himself, and then base your choice around that.

Was he the best man? Was he capable of driving on his own? Did he make the decision based on his own interests, or was it to spare the feelings of others? All those things play a crucial role in what steps you’ll be taking next.

Think about how your words have affected him.

A lot of times, pregnancy comes with rage that is driven by hormones, and we often don’t see the effects of it until it’s too late. Think about how your actions and words have affected your husband over the last few months because that might be the key to his behavior. Whether we want to admit it or not, sometimes the things we do tend to push people away.

Remember that he’s going through this too.

It’s easy to forget that your partner experiences the pregnancy too, just in a different way. They have to put up with your emotional rollercoasters and cravings, and don’t get nearly enough acknowledgement for that.

It’s possible that your husband simply needed a break from it all, and the wedding was the perfect place for him to blow off steam. It might be unfair for him to lose his wife and child over something like that.

Pregnancy can be tough, but if you make it through that unscathed, you will have a blessing that will keep giving the rest of your life. So stay strong and make the best of the situation at hand.