My MIL Threw Away My Late Mom’s Gift and Still Expected Me to Thank Her

The loss of a family member is a tragic experience. If it’s a close family member, the pain tends to linger. But not everyone can understand that type of pain, and some might even try to ’fix it.’ That was exactly what happened to one of our readers and she shared her story.

Our reader, Linda, reached out.

Dear Bright Side,

For my birthday a few years ago, my late mom gave me a chef’s kitchen knife. I was an aspiring chef at the time, and she had it engraved with the date I was supposed to graduate. It was a gift I’d treasure for years to come.

She passed away two years ago, and the anniversary of her passing was two weeks ago. We arranged a dinner in her honor and invited our closest family. I made her favorite meal, and we shared some of the fondest memories we had of her.

When I was done cooking, I left the knife on the counter to wash later. After dinner, my MIL offered to clear the plates, which wasn’t unusual, but this time I got a strange feeling. It was like something was trying to warn me about her. But I shrugged it off.

When I returned to the kitchen to get the desserts, my knife was gone. I asked my MIL about it, and she said, “it looked dangerous,” so she tossed it in the trash. But the worst part was that she was smiling like she’d done me a favor.

I started crying as I opened the trash can. Luckily it was still on top, so I took it out and put it in the sink. I turned to my MIL and asked her why she would do something like this. She just shrugged and said, “This is stopping you from moving on. I was doing you a favor.”

When I asked her why she thought this would help me, she said, “You need to grieve. That can’t happen if you hold onto things like that knife. I’m throwing it away to help you.”

At first, I was furious, but now I’m wondering if she was right. So Bright Side, is my MIL right? Should I throw the knife away?

Regards,
Linda J.

Here’s a piece of advice.

Dear Linda,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us and sharing your story. We know that situations like these aren’t easy and that it takes a lot of courage to open up the way you did.

It sounds like your MIL is seeing this as more than just grief or a knife. Her behavior shows that it’s more personal. Maybe she’s trying to become the new mother figure in your life. Or maybe it’s frustrating her that you’re holding on so tightly to the memories of your mother.

But neither of those things excuse her actions, and you shouldn’t feel like you’re being forced into anything. Everyone grieves differently. Some people pack everything away and never look at it again. While others treasure the memories attached to certain items.

If the knife brings you joy, there is no reason to get rid of it. It is a meaningful, customized present, after all. And if your MIL doesn’t like it, that’s not your problem. You are not responsible for her happiness, just as she isn’t responsible for yours.

Linda’s story touched our editorial team deeply, and we hope she has decided what she was going to do with her situation. But she isn’t the only one who has struggles with her MIL.

Jena also reached out to share her story with us. In her letter, Jena talks about her MIL’s deceit and how she was caught in the act. Read the full story here.