My Son’s Girlfriend Took My Kindness for Weakness, So I Finally Put My Foot Down

As parents, we focus on raising our children in the best way possible, getting them ahead, and making sure they lack nothing. But what happens if your child, who had left the nest, decides to come back home? Making that new coexistence successful can be difficult, but making it work when they return with their partner can be quite a challenge.

Am I the bad one for making my son and his wife pay for their room in my house?

I live with my son, Jack, and his wife, Georgia. I provide them with the master bedroom, so they can live in private while I take the guest room. I clean, sometimes cook, and do all of the bills. The only thing I ask is $10 from each of them per week.

So, I am friends with Georgia’s mom and dad. I’ve been over to their house a few times, and it is pretty large. I told them how my son and Georgia are looking for an apartment and asked if they could pitch in.

Well, it turns out they thought the apartment that I lived in was their apartment. They said that Georgia had told them that they were “having me live with them because I couldn’t afford a place of my own.” I work full-time in a very stable job.

So, I confronted my son and Georgia last night at dinner. My son didn’t know that Georgia had said this to her parents and was mad at Georgia for telling lies about me.

Georgia basically said I was desperate for money since I was making them pay for my “shabby apartment”. So I’m pretty ticked off at Georgia, and I’m sure my son is too.

As for my son having to pay rent, he did end up coming to me last night after Georgia went to bed and apologized to me on his and Georgia’s behalf, saying that looking for places to stay was making her stressed with all of the money they’ll have to spend in the future.

What do the experts say?

When grown children return home and start living with their parents again, the relationship changes and must shift from a “parent-child” dynamic to an “adult-adult” dynamic. It is therefore essential to establish agreements in writing, which may include a possible financial contribution, an expected exit date, and so on. Doing this is not cruel; it simply fosters the independence and responsibility of young people.

So, while cohabitation with adult children and their partners is possible, setting boundaries is a necessity.

When it comes to a relationship, hiding the truth about a situation or financial matters gradually damages the foundation of the relationship and leaves a mark. Moreover, it can be a sign of communication issues within the relationship, financial stress, or both. The psychologist Fran Sánchez, a specialist in couple therapy, stated in a TikTok video, “A discovered lie is the greatest poison to a relationship, no matter what the reason is.”

How would you handle the return of adult children to the home? What boundaries did you set, or would you set in this situation? What would be the most difficult part for you?

Read next: What to Do When Your Adult Child Treats You With Disrespect

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