My Stepdaughter’s Attitude Needed a Reality Check, And She Got It

He doesn't mention the backstory. Did he have an affair with her Mother?! And was he trying to buy her love by paying for her college?! If so I don't blame her.

Stepfamily conflicts can be painful and complicated, especially when stepchildren reject a stepparent despite financial or emotional support. These situations often involve handling boundaries, managing emotions, and finding ways to cope with hurt and resentment.

Here is Jack’s letter:

Hello Bright Side!

I honestly don’t even know where to start, but here it goes. My stepdaughter made it very clear early on that she chose her real dad over me. She straight up told me, “Stay away, I don’t need you.” Fine. Hurtful, of course, but fine.

Fast-forward a few years, my wife insisted I still pay for her college. I did it. Every tuition bill, every dorm fee, I covered it because my wife said it was the right thing to do.

Graduation day rolls around. She sees me and says, “You’re not welcome. Don’t even try to show up.” No warning, no discussion, just straight-up rejection. That broke something in me.

So, without warning, I cut off all financial support. My logic was: if I’m not her real dad, her real dad can handle it. Except he couldn’t. And honestly, I just couldn’t keep throwing money at someone who openly hated me.

firdosh firdosh

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My wife demanded I continue paying, but I chose my pride. Now? My stepdaughter barely speaks to me.

But honestly I don’t care anymore, because before all of this she wasn’t really talkative with me. My wife says she regrets how things went down, but my stepdaughter has never apologized. We barely talk about this topic.

I keep thinking maybe I went too far...or maybe I finally drew a line I needed to. But I also feel like I was done being treated like a doormat. Bright Side, did I handle this the wrong way, or was cutting her off justified?

Thank you very much,
Jack

How would we know if you're justified? You gave us zero background. Just "my stepdaughter hates me but I paid for her college". So what? Abusive parents are excused from abuse if they are feeding and sheltering their kids? We have no idea how your relationship is or how long you've been her stepfather. Do you guys get along? Do you fight often? Are you a nasty son of a bitch? Do you treat her mom like crap? We're you involved in an affair with the mother when she was married to the real father? A grown mature man would directly talk to his stepdaughter if she is just a spoiled brat, not write a letter asking if they're right. What does your wife think? Maybe she thinks you're wrong so you're polling the world so you can shove the responses in her face. Move on bro

Jamie Dailey

4 days ago

You should have cut her off YEARS ago.

Linda Wright

Jamie Dailey

Put her and the mammy out

STFU Linda

You don't even know these people

Renita Croom

4 days ago

You did right. She told you 4 years ago that she didn't need you. That statement is self explanatory. She said to stay away, so you and your money should stay away

You did right

You know shit Linda

"Never bite the hand that feeds you" rings true in this case. Equally hateful is her mother, acually pushing you to keep paying for this brat"s finances.Definatly NTA .

Vicki Thompson

All we know is he paid for college
We have no idea if he's actually a good stepdad

JENNIFER PECK

Yes well justified. I would not have assisted the stepbrat in the first place. I would have told her to her face to give her bio-father the honour of paying for her and that I AM DONE WITH HER.

JENNIFER PECK

You don't even know the whole situation

Karen Kempler

If she graduated, she's now on her own and can get a job. If she wants to go to grad school, she can pay for that herself. If she wants a big wedding, she can pay for that herself too.
As far as consequences go, she's gotten off easily (just make sure your wife isn't supporting her with your money!).

Karen Kempler

These comments are killing me
Y'all know shit

SistaBrim

People like that usually end up needing them same people who was there for them from jump street. You paid for college be done. That was a lot.

SistaBrim

Your comment is absolutely ridiculous

GR8BBGG

Wrong for staying with the wife. She expects OP to support an adult with a fully paid for college degree. What he needs to do is go through the records and figure out what he paid for on the college education. File for divorce and make sure it is known what he paid and work with the lawyers that that is paid back to him out of the marital assets. Then mother and daughter can be dead broke together.

GR8BBGG

Divorce? It sounds to me like step daddy hates the new wife's kid

Deb L

I like the idea of letting her know how much you paid and were there for her. She should be ashamed.

Lisa Herman

You could be real petty and send her the bill for her college education. Surprise! Welcome to the real world!

Very immature Lisa

If people don't appreciate what is being done for them. Cut them off.
Especially a college education it's not cheap.

Linda Quinteros

It never should have gone this far. You deserve better. Why would you even spend one cent on a person who is so outwardly hateful to you. If your wife wants to pay, then let her do it. Not your child. You deserve so much better. I'm sorry you were treated so badly. Was there a reason for her behavior towards you?

Linda Quinteros

How do you know what he deserves?

Eagle Lover

Well you just have an opinion about everything don't you! So self righteous

Stephanie R.

Your stepdaughter told you she didn't need you or your money. All she wants is her dad. This is sad because you are her dad too. A dad isn't just someone who fathered/sperm donored but also who helped raise them. I'm so sorry you were treated this way and your wife is not being supportive.

Stephanie R.

You have no idea what their relationship is like

Serenity Now 40

Nope you did the right thing and your wife should work 2 or 3 jobs if she wants her daughter supported

salena258

Serenity Now 40

The wife sounds like a gold digger. I am sad for the OP.

Serenity Now 40

What an immature response

Barbara Williams

Just curious. How long were you married to your wife when you started paying for HER kids education?

Hey, thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Jack! We tried to gather some pieces of advice that might help you navigate this situation, from protecting your boundaries to coping with the hurt. Hope some of these insights give you a bit of clarity, or at least let you feel less alone in all this.

Don’t wait for apologies - People might never say sorry, and that sucks. But expecting it can trap you in resentment. Focus on what you can control: your choices, your dignity, and your sanity.
Your wife’s feelings don’t cancel yours - Yes, your spouse might regret it or feel torn, but her regret doesn’t erase how you feel. You can acknowledge her feelings without sacrificing your own boundaries. It’s okay to hold space for both sides.
Grieve the relationship you wanted - It’s normal to mourn the bond that never happened. Allow yourself to feel that loss, anger, sadness, disappointment. Journaling or talking to someone outside the family can help you process it without exploding at anyone.

While blended family challenges can be tough, setting boundaries and focusing on healthy relationships can bring peace and clarity. With patience and self-respect, it’s possible to rebuild connections and create a more supportive family dynamic.
Read next: I Refuse to Give My 16-Year-Old Son a Bedroom Door

Comments

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Walter Deanovich

He probably tried to move in on her another maga perv , I'll bet you.

Timothy Wiggins

5 days ago

I wouldn't have paid for her tuition, books, room and board etc from the word go with the attitude she has. I wouldn't have let my wife tell me "it's the right thing to do either". It's easy for her to say whenever she's not the one being rejected. It seems to me she's willing to let her daughter be disrespectful just because she's her daughter, and it's easy to see where the daughter got her attitude from.

Patricia Hooks