The Reasons Why People Overshare, and Why You Should Stop Doing It

Many people often confuse authenticity with oversharing, and there is a very fine line between the 2 things. Being authentic isn’t about telling your barista about your deepest problems. This is a clear sign that you are oversharing things you should be keeping to yourself and those very close to you. But to every problem, there is a solution, and we’re all about finding solutions.

Bright Side would like to remind you that seeing a therapist whenever you feel overwhelmed is always a good idea.

1. Anxiety

Some people tend to get extremely talkative when they get anxious in an effort to look normal in the eyes of those around them. But when they start talking out of stress, they become less able to control what they say and how long they talk for. Also, some people might feel awkward during social events and think that the only way to fit in is to start talking about their life. That’s how you end up revealing things about your life that are way too personal, which might make others feel weird.

2. Loneliness or an effort to create intimacy

Oftentimes, people convince themselves that they are not lonely and keep on feeling this way instead of reaching out to somebody. And when they finally go out and meet people, that’s when they start oversharing in the most uncontrollable way. Their need to connect and unload all their baggage is so big that they make others feel uncomfortable.

However, this might be their way of getting closer to people and creating new bonds. They dive deep way too soon in their relationships and instead of keeping people close, they drive them further away. That’s because it’s not possible to rush into something that needs time to build itself up.

3. Poor boundaries and missing social cues

Every relationship, no matter its nature, needs to have boundaries simply because people want to set them. However, sometimes people can’t understand those boundaries and aren’t able to receive the cues that you are sending them. Non-verbal communication is sometimes stronger than verbal messages, but people who tend to overshare can’t easily read them. That’s why they tend to share way too much, which might make you feel awkward and not know how to react.

4. Extreme social media use

It is shocking to find out that about 40% of social media users between 18 and 35 have regretted posting something personal. There is undeniable proof that people tend to overshare on their social media accounts, even if it’s good news or sad news. Many people will share very personal information online before they share it with their loved ones in real life. And that could have serious consequences since you never know who will read your posts and how they will act based on them.

How to know if you have an oversharing personality

• You want to connect to others very quickly. Whether it’s a romantic or friendly relationship, all connections need time to develop and progress in their own time. However, if you want to move at a fast pace, you will share very personal things from the beginning. That is your way of connecting with them, but as a result, you might drive them away.
• You are thirsty for sympathy. Many people talk a lot about their problems, not because they want to unload them, but to make those around them feel sorry for them. Having sympathy being thrown at them is the best kind of attention.
• Social media is your sanctuary. There’s nothing bad with sharing things about your life, but going into too much detail can be harmful. For example, analyzing your feelings or talking about every little aspect of your relationship, or sharing every moment of your child’s life can be worrisome.
• You might regret oversharing right after doing it. This means that you have an understanding that the information you shared with someone was way too much for them. You might just be a bit nervous or anxious, but it might also be a sign of oversharing.

How to stop doing it

• First, you need to recognize the problem. Mindfulness is a practice that might help you get to the root of your problem and the reason why you tend to talk too much about your problems. You need to get in touch with your inner feelings before addressing this issue.
• Do you overshare to win attention? There are plenty of self-help books out there that will help you see whether you have low self-esteem or not. Maybe that is the root of your problem and why you need the sympathy of others.
• A therapist might be the best choice. Your issues might be way deeper and more serious than you realize. A therapist will guide you to locate the problem and help you get over it. It can be something from your past that you never got to address and fix.

Do you think you are oversharing information about your life, even with people that are not very close to you?