20+ Hilarious Tweets That Every Parent Can Probably Relate To
New parents lose 44 days of sleep during the first year of a child’s life. These parents felt so exhausted and frustrated during that first year, that they turned to Twitter to release their anger and share their daily stories.
Here at Bright Side, we’ve created a list of tweets that reveal some hilarious moments that all parents can relate to.
Savagery knows no bounds.
My 14yo made fun of me this morning because I had to go to work while he had a snow day, so I changed the wifi password.— Rock🇺🇸 (@TheMichaelRock) February 9, 2016
“Same thing happened with my mom when she tried to leave me at an orphanage.”
Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is yours.— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) February 12, 2014
Tricks she learned from her mom.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.— Mickey (@Hypercraxy) September 24, 2015
Professional sleep hackers.
Never, & I mean NEVER make eye contact with a child on the verge of falling asleep.They will sense your excitement & abort mission! #momlife— Caffeine & Fairydust (@CaffeineandF) November 14, 2015
Putting the blame on the kid, eh James?
Daycare lady: *notices 3-year-old's shirt is on backward* It's cute how you let her dress herself.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 22, 2015
Me: Yes. She did that.
Once a week, 52 times a year.
Mondays are hard. Mondays with kids are some type of human survival experiment.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) November 13, 2017
Wait ’til you become a daddy, you’ll answer a single question 468 times a day.
I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 28, 2017
This kid is starting to understand what life is all about.
Me: Did you have a good day at school?— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 8, 2017
6-year-old: That's not how school works.
Parenthood in a nutshell.
What I thought I would say as a parent:— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) February 2, 2017
"You are going to change the world."
What I say as a parent:
"Stop licking the window."
What my mom wishes will happen.
Wife: Think we'll be empty-nesters?— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 28, 2017
Me: What's that?
Wife: People who miss their kids after they've moved out.
Then we laughed and laughed.
Hardcore cop or really stubborn dad?
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists.— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 10, 2013
You’d better buy 10,000 Jars of peanuts now.
I'm glad we own 10,000 stuffed animals so my toddler can fall asleep cuddling with a jar of peanuts. pic.twitter.com/mIJKNg2DEp— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2017
Which lawyer did you go to after committing this crime?
Hey, parents of an only child considering having one more, know that I just split an M&M in half.— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 7, 2015
This kid deserves an award for bravery.
Wish I was as brave as my kid who just ate zero bites of her dinner and then asked my wife for a snack 6 minutes after the table was clear.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 15, 2015
“My nephew slaps me and asks if it hurts, that moron.”
Get married and have kids so that you can be woken up at 4:56 am on a Saturday by someone asking what the opposite of "J" is.— Ash (an female) (@adult_mom) March 4, 2017
We wonder how she typed this tweet.
I'm just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember cause my kid interrupted us 75 times.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 2, 2017
When your daughter is big on principles.
My 2-year-old refused to brush her teeth because a towel was in the wrong spot.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 7, 2018
I calmly explained to her that the position of the towel didn’t matter and that she needed to brush her teeth no matter what.
I moved the damn towel.
You’re lucky they weren’t playing the ’crying’ game.
My 2-year-old and 3-year-old woke up in the middle of the night and started loudly playing a game.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 2, 2018
I told them to go back to bed.
They told me to go back to bed.
I'm the only one who listened.
“In the same conversation, my nephew replied,
’Couldn’t they have waited for me to be born?’ ”
3-year-old: You married my mom.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 28, 2018
Me: I did.
3: You didn't ask me.
Me: It was before you were born.
3: That's not very nice.
And they blame men for women’s enslavement.
When someone asks what it's like to be a mom I show them the magazine I've been carrying for 6mths,because dammit I'm gonna read it one day.— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) July 21, 2016
This is simply the truth.
Daughter: You're invading my personal space— Moe (@_Mo_lee_) January 8, 2016
Mom: You came out of my personal space
We’d do it if it was Anime!
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”— Røb Fee (@robfee) March 3, 2015
We’d do the same but with this phrase: “Stop it.”
I feel like I should create a recording of me saying PLEASE CLEAN THAT UP so I can just hit play 500 times a day.— Liz Gumbinner (@Mom101) November 12, 2015
This kid will be a successful lawyer one day.
Was arguing with my 2 y/o for 30 minutes about why he needs to wear his pants and now we're both sitting in our underwear eating donuts— paperwash© (@PaperWash) October 13, 2013
Tell us about it.
Do you like warm food, hot coffee and TV programs longer than 3 minutes long?— Tom Reseigh (@Tom_Rez) April 25, 2016
Then fatherhood is not for you.
“My 4-year-old only cooperates when there’s no money left.”
Me: Can you guys cooperate if I take you to the store?— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 25, 2016
5yo: Do we have to decide right now?
“Don’t underestimate the power of sleep, my friend.”
If I insisted on getting my kids to bed by 7:00 every night, I'd have to start their bedtime routine just after breakfast.— Dave Lesser (@AmateurIdiot) May 22, 2016
Heck of a list, right? If you have any experiences like these, leave your parenting stories in the comments and don’t forget to share!