16 Funny Stories That Prove Life Is Never Dull When You Have Children

Is there anything better than waking up early in the morning because your 3-year-old is poking you in the eye and trying to turn you into a pirate? And then, just as you’re about to start getting annoyed, your child tells you that they love you even more than their precious toy car and then, you’re ready to go through the poking all over again. Children — they’re the reason you notice more and more gray hairs on your head and why you’ve had more sleepless nights than you could ever count. But they’re also the reason you strive to become a better and healthier person every single day.

We at Bright Side have come across these hilarious short stories featuring hyperactive but irresistibly adorable children. We’ve collected them from popular resources such as Pikabu, Overheard, and Ward No.6. and now we’d like to share them with our readers!

• I was showing my daughter this old “pull my thumb off and put it together again” trick.

— Daddy, how do you do it?

— Just look closely! Now I’m pulling it right off...Ta-dah! It’s back!

— But it’s just impossible to pull off your thumb like that!

— Is it? Take a look! I’m pulling it off...

— Stop! Now, give it to me!

• My daughter is in kindergarten now. Once, their teacher asked a simple question about chickens and how they are useful to people. Most of the kids suggested a number of great ideas, such as eggs, feathers, and using chicken as food. But according to my girl, they all forgot about another obvious one... “You can also use chickens in animal sacrifice rituals.” That was her best shot. When she told us proudly about the class, we appreciated her resourcefulness but also banned her from watching such “educational” TV shows with us.

• My friend was pregnant with her second baby. Her 3-year-old son stayed at his grandmother’s while she was in the hospital. Imagine the situation when he got back home and there she was — his newborn baby sister. After 2 hours of observation, he asked, “So whose baby is it? Are her parents coming to pick her up, or what?”

• My son is 3.5 years old and he’s a very nice and kind boy. We’re still in bed early in the morning and suddenly, he starts to poke me in the eye. I ask him what he’s doing and why. He goes, “Mommy, I want you to become a pirate!”

• My daughter isn’t fond of fairy tales. She finds them too unrealistic. My husband, trying to prove her wrong (apparently) reads the Grimms’ tales to her before bed. Once I was passing by her room and I heard, “And pigeons pecked out the evil sisters’ eyes...” Almost losing consciousness, my catastrophic thinking instantly had me calculating how much I would have to pay a therapist to help my girl and how I should kill my own husband. I storm in, trying to stop this thriller as soon as possible, and see my daughter grinning in her bed. “Now, thaaat’s what I call a fairy tale. Quite realistic.”

• My husband and I were going on a trip, so we left our 4-year-old son with my mother for 2 weeks. When we came back, he gave us a piece of his mind, “Finally, you’re back! I was this close to running away. I’ve never met such a woman in my whole life!” I suspect my husband is with him on that.

• A couple of fourth-graders were asked a simple question — What question cannot be answered with “Yes?” Their answer was, “Are you dead?” Well, we can’t argue with that.

• My daughter is 4 years old and she is in kindergarten. I came to pick her up and asked her “Are you ready?” She goes, “Just a minute, Mommy. I have to look at Mike for a couple of seconds. I won’t see him until tomorrow!” If that isn’t love, then what is?

• Yesterday, while we were outside watching pigeons, my 4-year-old said,

— Mom, do you know why pigeons nod their heads when they walk?

— Nope, why?

— It’s because they hear music in their heads all the time!

• Kids believe in Santa Claus until a certain age. Sooner or later, they start to doubt if he really exists. My daughter has just turned 8 years old. Recently she asked, “Okay, Mom... but who’s buying all those presents and places them under the tree?” Trying to make her believe in a miracle, I answered, “Higher power.” She replied, “So, dad, huh?”

• Just like all mothers out there, I’m trying to control (and to cut down) the amount of sweets my 4-year-old kid eats. Caught him eating candy without my permission recently. So I go, “Who gave you these? Why did you take them?” The little one answers, “Because I have hands.”

• My husband and I were watching Avatar, one of our favorite movies. Our son enters, looks at the screen with his eyes wide open, and goes, “My God, the Smurfs grew up so fast!”

• Last year we were harvesting potatoes at my mother’s. My son has gradually lost all of his enthusiasm, sat down, and made his “I’m thinking” face. I came up to him to ask what the matter was. Quite irritated, he went, “These potatoes... First, we plant potatoes, next time we come back to the same place and dig them up. I just don’t get it!”

• I twisted my ankle so I was lying in bed. All the household chores, the kids, and our cat were my husband’s responsibilities. One day, my daughter storms in and goes, “Dad, what was THIS doing in the dishwashing machine?” Her father says, “I used THIS to fry potatoes. Why?” “But isn’t it some tool for our cat?” Terrified and amused at the same time, I looked at THIS thing and it was a cat litter shovel. A new one though, to everyone’s relief.

• Yesterday, my daughter, her 2-year-old friend, and one boy who was just one year older were playing in the sandbox. The guy was trying to take the girls’ toys but was stopped by his mother.

— Max, these are not your toys!

— No, they’re mine!

— No, these are the girls’ toys.

Max, without a second thought:

— But these are my girls!

We were speechless.

• When I was a little girl, my father worked as a bus driver. Once, he had a couple of free hours before getting back to work, so he fell asleep on a couch. I was so excited to have that “patient” client in my imaginary beauty salon that I did my best to create a truly extraordinary hairstyle for him and a very exclusive makeup look with my blue crayon. The victim suddenly woke up and realizing he could be late for work and rushed out of the house before I could tell him about my art. As I found out later, my father and his colleagues had a great laugh, and my hero totally pulled off his new look.

We’re sure you also have lots of great stories about your children so go ahead and share them! Soon, we’ll come up with another collection of funny stories!