A Nanny That Worked in 100 Families Revealed the Mistakes Most Parents Make
According to different surveys, these are the events people think are the most transformative of all: marriage (58%), divorce (49%), becoming a grandparent (40%) or retiring (38%), and becoming a parent (76%). This is probably why an honest post from an experienced nanny on social media became so popular.
Having worked with more than 100 families, this nanny only knew 3 people who were actually happy. According to the nanny, most parents are stressed, exhausted, and their marriages are on the verge of a fallout. And what’s even sadder, they often don’t even seem to realize it. This is why she has very useful pieces of advice on how to maintain happiness for those who’ve decided to have children.
Bright Side has reviewed the recommendations from this experienced nanny and compared them to the opinions of psychologists and experts in relationships and child rearing. Some tips may seem to be too direct and harsh, but they can still be helpful.
Mistake № 1: Not thinking of your financial well-being
More than 50% of parents are stressed because of their financial situation and 63% claim that they sacrifice their financial stability for their children. These circumstances actually lead to the appearance of conflicts in families.
- “Make a lot of money so you can afford childcare. I don’t mean a ‘weekly date night.’ I mean a nanny for one full day on the weekend and at least 2-3 evenings during the week.”
Mistake № 2: Thinking that the more children you have, the stronger your marriage becomes
There is no single optimal number of children that can make a perfect family. But it is important to realize that children are not a way to make a marriage stronger. And don’t try to have children only to achieve this goal. Studies have shown that parenting can even influence both partners negatively.
- “Only have one child. One child can be fun. 2 is managing. 3, you’re just trying to keep them alive.”
Mistake № 3: Making children the top priority
One of the modern myths about raising children says, “The more attention you pay to children, the better it is for them.” But excessive pressure can do them more harm than good. And the parents who want their children to live the best lives possible should spend more time on becoming perfect spouses.
- “Remember that the most important relationship in your life is the one between you and your partner. Having a baby can be exciting, but if all you talk about is your child, you’re going to lose each other.”
Mistake № 4: Not learning to be a parent and not taking responsibility for your children
According to studies, if small children are growing up in a stressful environment (for example, lack of care or abuse), this can even have a negative influence on their intelligence. Don’t hope that everything will just somehow work out. There are no ideal parents. But they are always responsible for their children.
- “Know how to parent!! Know what you’re doing with your child. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. My favorite parenting book is, Children: The Challenge. It’s from the 1960s and is all about logical/natural consequences and removing the power struggle. I’ve used the techniques in the book for 15+ years and the result has been children who never or rarely whine/tantrum and who are confident, resilient, independent, and don’t need to be entertained 24/7. The worst of the worst families I see are those in which the parents have no idea what they’re doing and the kids are monsters. I’d say 90% of parents I see are terrible. That’s not an exaggeration. If your kid is a monster, it’s 100% your fault (and 100% in your control!).”
Mistake № 5: Making the role of a parent the most important one in your life
The children of overly caring parents are 3 times more susceptible to suffering from depression and anxiety. A parenting routine is inevitable, but fixating only on parenting and sacrificing other things as a result, is a mistake. You should use your own example to explain everything to your children, including the beauty of life.
- “You are more than a parent. You are an individual who is also a friend, spouse, [insert job]. Go out with friends, exercise, take classes, do stuff without your kid, have long conversations with people in which you do not talk about your child.”
Mistake № 6: Getting rid of pets once children appear
According to experts, growing up with pets has a positive influence on children’s self-esteem and development. If we are not talking about medical contradictions, some people think that they just don’t have enough time for pets when they have children. However, in real life, the process of adaptation of parents to babies is not as hard as it might seem at first sight.
- “Please don’t get rid of, or neglect, your dog or cat just because you had a kid. Just don’t.”
This post became viral on social media. People in the comment section compared having children to getting a dog at home. They said that the levels of stress from dogs and children are the same. Some people think that society puts a lot of pressure on people. It dictates its own standards and then forces people to solve the problems that society itself creates.
The author of the original post has worked as a full-time and part-time nanny since 2002. And her impressions are actually from an inside look at the way that relationships worked in more than 100 families. What do you think about the recommendations based on her observations? Do you agree with them? Or maybe, you have your own universal advice for people who are going to have children?