I Excluded My Stepdaughter From Our Family Trip

Family vacations often bring excitement, but they can also create tension when stepchildren are involved and not everyone feels included. Add in responsibilities at home, like caring for pets or plants, and small disagreements can quickly grow into bigger family struggles. Recently, one of our readers sent us a letter about facing this very situation.

The letter:

Hi Bright Side,

We’re going on a family trip to Spain for 8 days with our two kids (12 and 14). My 15-year-old stepdaughter started to pack, but I told her, “I need you to stay to water my plants. I’ll pay you!”

My husband was silent; he knows how I love and care for my plants. He also knows that there is no one else to care for them. My mother is an option, but she is old and lives 50 minutes away, and it doesn’t make sense for her to come every day just to water the plants.

So my stepdaughter stayed. The deal was simple: I would pay her $30 a day to water the plants.

But once we got to our hotel in Spain, I got a shocking call. My mother was telling me that a truck had shown up at her house and workers were unloading all of my plants there.

I was stunned. When I turned to my husband for answers, I found out he was the one who arranged it. He told me, “This is to remind you that your plants are not more important than my daughter. I don’t want them in my house anymore.”

Then he added, “And if you think you can’t live without them, maybe you should move to your mother’s place too.”

I froze. Our vacation was instantly ruined.

Yes, my husband owns the house, but I am his wife, and I have the right to live there as well.
I wasn’t being unfair to his daughter—I was even paying her to take care of the plants.

Is this really how I should be treated?

Yours,
Reena

Thank you for sharing your story, Reena.

What happened here isn’t simply about plants — it’s about respect, control, and how your husband chose to “teach you a lesson” in a very public, humiliating way.

This is our advice to you:

Call Out the Power Play for What It Is.

Your husband didn’t just move your plants — he used them as a weapon to embarrass you and make his point.

Action: Name the behavior clearly: “This wasn’t about your daughter; this was about controlling me by destroying something I love.”
When you expose the tactic, you make it harder for him to frame it as a noble defense of his child.

Reclaim What Was Taken From You.

Your husband made the choice to move your plants without your consent, but they are still yours, and they’re safely at your mother’s.

Action: Treat this as a line you won’t let him cross again. Go to your mother’s, bring back the plants, and place them where they belong in your home.
Let him see that he can’t simply erase what matters to you because of anger or power struggles.

Shift the Spotlight Back to the Stepdaughter Agreement.

You had already arranged a fair deal: $30 a day for her care. That wasn’t exploitation; it was responsibility with reward.

Action: Make this clear: “I didn’t exclude her; I trusted her with responsibility and paid her for it.” By reframing, you show that his daughter wasn’t wronged — she was given independence.

Question the Deeper Ultimatum He Made.

His comment — “maybe you should move to your mother’s place too” — wasn’t about plants at all. It was about pushing you out of your own home.

Action: Treat this as a red flag. Decide whether you want to confront it in counseling, or if you need to plan for your own security and independence should he repeat that threat.

We also heard from Laura D., who found herself in trouble at work after she refused to eat meat during an important business lunch and openly shared that she is vegan.