I Refuse to Be My Family’s ATM Just Because I’m “the Successful One”

Assist them.They need your support.The only characterstic that we have which distinguish us from animals.is nothing but caring your parents.Your parents will blessed you Dear Mam.

Hi Bright Side,

My parents called: “We need $3,000 monthly — your sister can’t contribute but you can afford it.” I reminded them that they never helped me when I struggled. “We sacrificed everything for you!” they yelled. I stayed quiet.

The next day, they were shocked when I gave them a budget breakdown and a list of jobs, assistance programs, and downsizing options instead of money. I said, “I love you, but you treat me like a bank, not a child.” They were angry and called me ungrateful. My sister told me I ruined “family harmony.”

Now everyone is texting, saying I should “just pay and avoid drama” because I’m doing well. But I feel like if I give in once, it will never end. I want to help — just not carry everyone forever.

I don’t want lifelong resentment or a broken relationship. I’d like to find peace and fairness, without becoming the family ATM.
How do I stay firm without losing the people I love?
I really need advice.

Please help,
Sara

Thank you, Sara, for sharing something so vulnerable and real. Many people feel this silent pressure, especially when success changes family roles. We hope the advice below brings clarity and comfort, and reminds you that boundaries are not rejection — they’re love with balance.

Stand your ground

You are blessed to be able to help, some people deserve help and u have tried. Good girl

William Standage

I disagree with shivani it was your parents choice to have you therefore you were there responsibly till you were 18 there choice not your's. You owe them nothing. If you choose to help them out that is your choice.

I don’t know how you people are raised up ? But in our society taking care of parents is our first priority and for whom we are earning for them , at least 18 years of your life they had given you all securities now it’s your turn to payback them or atleast arrange a business so that they can earn themselves !!
You people are pathetic , insensitive and The most selfish kind of being .

Sorry that’s our society would call you. Maintenance should be given to Parents what we taught 👌🏻🫂

Well maybe you and your parents should have been taught BIRTH CONTROL. Having children just so they will take care of you when you get old is like putting out a fire with gasoline. This world doesn't need MORE PEOPLE, since we clearly can't take care of the ones already in it. I wasn't asked, or I ABSOLUTELY would have chosen to NOT be born. Intentionally birthing and Raising your children to be your caregivers is a certain kind of entitlement, and it proves that they wanted kids for the completely wrong reason.

Marsha Asiya

You didn't come to play 😅

Marsha Asiya

This is a very assuming stance

Very true Shivani

Your society has been brainwashed!!! 😒

Nicole Tommarazzo-Moyer

Family structures are radically different in the West. You don't usually see homes with multiple generations because independence is absolutely expected. Family helping family is supposed to go both ways once everyone in question is an adult.

"Given all securities" is an assumption. They did enough to keep her alive, sure, but we have no idea what demands they made of her. Some people treat their kids like servants, some barely acknowledge their existence, and some abuse their children with something other than physical violence.

"At least arrange a business" is another assumption. Obviously they used to have a source of income... I'd they still need money, why aren't they working there now? Why is it the sister living with them isn't expected to have a job, and they're fine with her not contributing?

Going by the way I was raised, paying my parents back would mean only ensuring a roof over their head and leftovers on their plates, and taking any money they did get so I can pay my bills and they can't afford anything for themselves. Am I supposed to be thankful for raising myself and my brother, for having to work through high school and have most of that money taken from me because the family "needs it"?

What's pathetic is your complete lack of empathy, your insensitivity to the fact that the way she writes this clearly indicates she probably had to pay her own way and work hard alone for her success. Very likely, they regularly guilt her for whatever it is they want at a given time.

Carmel Mattschoss

6 days ago

Maybe in your culture you do that, but I think it’s unfair to expect her to give her parents $3000 a month for however long they need it, surely the work or at least have some sort of other income! My parents have never asked any of their children for money and all they had was their pension.

Valerie Mace

Pay them $3,000 a month, so instead of child support, paying parent support? What they need it for? If family tripping, they can get together & send them $3,000 a mnth

Stephanie R.

If everyone wants you to pay, then they can all chip in monthly instead.

Dean Murray

Your parents and sister will always have a handout for cash. I had a nephew who used to help out when my wife was in the hospital. When I was in a covid coma he cleaned out my bank account and stole my wife's jewelry

Dean Murray

Dude, I am so sorry that happened to you. I had a sibling who did the same to more than one of us.

Wes N Kim Ables

If you help them it is a never ending cycle your sister can help or they would not have brought her up . W a

Wes N Kim Ables

why only sister can help and why not the person asking this question , is not she a legal heir .
U all want to inherit money but don’t want to take care of ur own parents . How can you contribute to a society then 😈

Why don't YOU contribute for her? Being a child of doesn't make you the parents heir. A Will does that. And since the parents AREN'T CONTRIBUTING TO SOCIETY, she has done enough for all of them.

May I ask What she has done ? just asking a question in website to unrelated persons 👹

2 weeks ago

No comment? Pass the wine, please.

Sounds like she's already been giving her parents money and now she's done. This isn't why people have children and I hope to God you don't have any! If you do I feel very sorry for them.

Not every family has money to inherit genius. 🙄

Story makes no sense. Why do they need the money. That's a lot per month. And if you are rich and your parents really needed help, you would already be helping.

jerry slavens

You can’t have both, walk away and adjust to having healthy relationships instead of one sided sick ones.

2 weeks ago

This comment was too dangerous for society.

2 weeks ago

Ain't nobody got time for that.

Jamie Wilson

Actually I'm in this situation. My mom made terrible financial decisions and took social security at 62 DESPITE being advised not to. We bought a mobile home for her to live in because we could no longer tolerate her living with us. We put a down payment and pay the mortgage payment, homeowners insurance and property taxes as well as maintenance. She is responsible only for rent space and utilities ($600/month usually). She still constantly asks for money for various things because she can't control her spending and if she spends her social security, we have to cover rent space and utilities or the mobile home park can take the mobile home and we would lose everything we invested. She knows this and spitefully overspends so we have to cover it.

Renna Pate

You're much too nice to your parent I'm afraid if I pulled s*** like that my children will put me in a home for the elderly because I can't take care of myself just saying

2 weeks ago

We've got nothing to hide. Except this comment.

This is horrible! You need to grow a backbone and deal with your mother.

I agree.

I feel for Sara. This is one she's not going to win. Giving money to family because you have it and want to is one thing, but this is abuse and manipulation by her family to net results. If she is not inclined to give that kind of money, Sara needs to stand firm on this. 3k a month is no small amount, it's rent and other expenses. This is not assistance to make ends meet, it is funding someone's life.

Also, to those telling Sara to pay to avoid drama, she should start sending them Venmo requests for money to help keep the peace. They'll come up with all sorts of excuses very quickly as to why they can't afford it. Armchair quarterbacks are worse than the family members demanding the money.

Shelley Harris

If they will not help themselves and release on here they are just horrible. What did they do when their children growing up.Did they work?? I know question of culture but helping yes supporting for years and such large a month is wrong of them to expect.

Janet Owen

Just because they are family dosnt mean you are obligated to pick up the pieces of their life because they made bad choices. Helping family shouldn't mean turning into a bank just because they can't manage their money. They have the same choices you did in life and because you made something with your life does NOT mean you owe them anything. A couple of hundred is one thing but thousands is a different story. Being family dosnt give them the right to ask you to give them money when they had the same choices you did. I have been there and done that but NEVER again. Being Family dosnt make you a bank. I will NEVER EVER do that again. It's been over 2 years and nobody has paid back so much as a dollar. Live and learn they say and I learned the hard way. Money really is the root of all evil. They can go to a loan company, bank, or maybe pawn something. I will NEVER, EVER loan anyone anything again. Family or not they will screw you over so fast it's not even funny. Just a word from the wise. DONT DO IT!!!!!!!!! True family would never put other family members in that situation. Stay strong. Just Say NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shelley Harris

Janet Owen

I hope u can heal from their abuse. I know it was hard and u may feel guilty at times but you needed to stop. Where is their love towards you?

James Campbell

Yes I understand I had a girl friend a brother a sister a mother on standby basis only what happens if you passed away I've stand on my own they must also too I've down size penny pinching and made due they must too.

barbara Nivens

You're doing the right thing..if you cave just one time it will never end. You showed them how to help themselves. If they don't it says much about them. In which case you go NC. They're showing who they really are, and teaching your sister what/who not to be.

If even one of them trys then show them support, which is not money. Rather show them that you're there to help themselves. Go NC with those who don't.

Never never give them money. It will never end. You can do this. This stranger knows that you are worth more than you think.

barbara Nivens

They want money monthly. What do you mean cave just one time? Lol

That's what she said, in her FIRST SENTENCE.

Yarielist Yggdrasil

Should goes further, slam them with painful words. And demand payments from them instead.

Kate Johnson

Strange they think you are obligated to fund their lives. Perfect time to go no contact.

3 weeks ago

You GROW A BACKBONE. You will never keep "family harmony" unless you keep funding their lives. You know it and they are counting on it. Do you want to be a part of a family that thinks so little of you. They SACRIFICED NOTHING. They chose to have a child, end of story. You have offered them a smart and reasonable way to help themselves, and they have CHOSEN TO IGNORE THAT. I don't care if you have ELON MUSK'S MONEY, you don't owe them anything. If YOU CHOOSE to help them, YOU SET THE GROUND RULES. You have to make a choice, to be an independent woman, or to be their personal bank, and NEVER HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE! The more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves.

Don’t you think that she is simply a greedy person? Who refuses to help their family?

Demanding 3 grand a month IS GREEDY! She offered them a well thought out and easy to accomplish plan for growing their own finances to help them, which they want no part of. So by their own choices they get NOTHING. Of course, only people who are TOO DAMN LAZY THEMSELVES, would see it as her being greedy. I bet that YOU EXPECT YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS THAT WORK, TO SUPPORT YOU TOO, DON'T YOU?

Harry Verner

Are u dense? It said $3k monthly. Not lending us 3k. That's alot a $

Or she's been funding their lives for years with little to no gratitude. Just because she may make a lot of money, doesn't mean she wants to give it to an ungrateful or entitled person.

I read her letter again, nowhere is it mentioned that she helped them before. And helping your family is what any decent person would do!

Maryann Lima Lawson

They never helped her so they're not decent people either. So I guess they're just a family of undecent people.

Linda

Not to the tune of $36,000 a year when they won't help themselves.

They are not asking for HELP. They are asking for a PAYCHECK, WITHOUT DOING ANY WORK THEMSELVES. Grow up or SHUT UP.

But they gave her life and raised her! I think they deserve help and respect especially from their successful kid. Why to make that much money if you keep everything for yourself and don’t even help your family?

Do ANY of you think that ASKING FOR 3 GRAND A MONTH is anything more than laziness. They aren't asking for HELP, THEY ARE ASKING FOR TAX FREE MONEY. Becoming a parent was THEIR CHOICE. Children don't owe their parents for being born, no matter HOW much money they might have.

For 1 no one ask to be born, that's something the parents want and 2 you have no idea how much money she actually makes. Might not be as much as you think.

Nicole Tommarazzo-Moyer

You're making a huge assumption here... Yes, they are responsible for birthing her into the world. That doesn't mean they acted responsibly or with love or respect raising her. Given this level of entitled ongoing demand for $36,000 per annum, which is literally a low income job, it's huge to assume she has that much money just sitting around or that she is being selfish and spending that much money frivolously. You're assuming she has no bills, no financial responsibilities? She doesn't mention the parents being willing to negotiate amounts, and clearly it's not some desperate need, since they're not asking any other family for money. You don't even stop to ask why the sister isn't responsible for getting work in order to contribute. So she gets a free ride, apparently doing nothing, because the other is responsible and successful?

This kind of blind approach to "respecting" parents is how successful people end up burnt out, used up, and broke. Whatever she gives will never be enough.

ungrateful oh my god u people are earning to make ur life happy only then. Donn’t u have any responsibility towards your family ?

6 days ago

Are they HOMELESS? HUNGRY? NAKED? You are in the WRONG PLACE if you believe that because you were born, you must sacrifice and PAY for the decision you had NO choice in. As far as Subendhu's comment, about people being distinguished from animals by caring for their parents, that is completely off base. Animals raise their young to be independent, NOT SUBSERVIENT, and then keep having more young. They aren't raising them to "take care of them". The animals are much smarter than people. Breeding your OWN retirement plan is SICK.

Their family is already messed up. If your family really needed help and you are rich, you should have been helping already without them having to ask.

2 weeks ago

The comment has left, but promises to come back.

Who said she was rich? 🤷‍♀️

Hope Tirendi

The only greedy ones are her parents and lazy ass sister who could all go out and get jobs!

2 weeks ago

The comment has hidden itself outside our galaxy.

No because there are many manipulative parents out there that demand money because they chose to have a child and now expect payment for giving life. Again THEIR CHOICE!

oh atleast one person has common sense . yes glad to see ur comment in western culture .

Then GO TF HOME

2 weeks ago

Hidden for the greater good.

2 weeks ago

Nobody. Should. See. This. Comment.

Success shouldn’t become punishment. You worked hard, that shouldn’t turn into an obligation. Helping family only feels good when it’s freely given, not demanded. Be proud of what you built, without letting guilt rewrite your achievements. Your success is yours — not a bill to be collected.

Give emotional support, not automatic financial solutions. You can care without fixing everything with money. Sometimes the most loving thing is encouraging independence, not funding avoidance. Offering guidance shows respect for them and yourself. Money isn’t the only form of support.

Don’t let guilt talk louder than fairness. Guilt can sound like love, but it often hides control. Family love shouldn’t feel like debt collecting. When you care, you can still say “not like this.” Standing up for fairness is not betrayal.

Phyllis Popp

19 hours ago

Great job providing them with resources so they can become more self sufficient. They are adults and responsible for taking care of themselves.

Keep building your own future — you earned it. You’re allowed to invest in your dreams, rest, experiences, and life. Supporting others shouldn’t mean abandoning yourself. Success should be shared joy, not exhaustion. Never apologize for taking care of your future.

If you liked this story, you’ll want to read this one about someone who stood up for fairness in their family too — and changed everything:
👉 I Refused to Be Humiliated in Front of My Own Family

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