I Refuse to Be My Sister’s Free Full-Time Nanny—I Don’t Like Kids, and I’m Proudly Child-Free

Family favors can get wild fast, especially when a new baby arrives and everyone suddenly assumes you’re the “available one.” One reader found herself staring down a request so unrealistic she literally laughed in her sister’s face.

Hey there, dear Bright Side,

My sister just had her first baby, and I’m happy for her, but here’s the truth: I don’t like kids. I’ve been child-free my whole life and never hid that from anyone.

A week after the baby was born, she came to me saying she needed 40 hours of childcare every week. Not help. Not occasional babysitting. A full-time job.

She didn’t want to hire a nanny because “it’s too expensive,” so she asked me. And the wage she offered? I found out that it wouldn’t cover groceries, let alone bills.

When I told her I couldn’t do 40 hours for that rate, she came back with something even more ridiculous. She said, “Fine, then move to our area and live near us. You can nanny full-time for even less since you’ll be closer.”

I froze. My brain just shut down for a second.

Then I burst out laughing in her face. I couldn’t help it. And I told her, “I’m not uprooting my entire life to raise a child I didn’t have for a wage that isn’t even real. Hire a professional.”

Now she’s mad, my mom says I was “heartless,” and my sister keeps sending guilt-trip texts about “family stepping up.” But I’m not sacrificing my life because she refuses to budget for childcare.

Did I go too far by laughing? Am I a bad sister?

— Susan

You’re allowed to protect your time, your energy, and the life you’ve built.

Susan, your sister’s request wasn’t a small favor. It was a total rewrite of your daily existence. Anyone would struggle with being asked to suddenly take on a full-time role they didn’t choose, aren’t trained for, and don’t enjoy.

You’ve shaped your life around choices that work for you. It’s not selfish to keep living by those choices. It’s responsible.

Your reaction came from emotional overload.

People laugh when they’re stunned, uncomfortable, or overwhelmed. Your sister was asking something huge while expecting you to simply say yes. That creates pressure, and pressure makes the brain short-circuit in weird ways.

Instead of beating yourself up over the laugh, think about what triggered it: the shock of being handed her entire childcare plan as if your own life didn’t exist. That moment says more about the situation than it does about your character.

Family support doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself on command.

There’s a big difference between helping occasionally and becoming the solution to her childcare problems. Your sister is entering a stage of life that requires planning, budgeting, and sometimes uncomfortable decisions.

Her choice to have a baby doesn’t automatically assign you a role. You can care about her and still recognize that her responsibilities aren’t yours to absorb. Love doesn’t mean giving someone unlimited access to your time and labor.

Her frustration is coming from stress, not logic (don’t take every word to heart).

New parents are exhausted, anxious, and sometimes desperate. She’s trying to grab the nearest lifeline, even if it’s not reasonable. Your mom is probably reacting out of protectiveness, not fairness.

You don’t have to carry their stress. Let them calm down. Let them figure out solutions that actually work for their household. You don’t need to fix the storm they’re drowning in.

The healthiest path forward is clarity, not guilt.

You might want to gently explain why you can’t take on childcare and what your life already demands. Not to justify yourself, just to make the situation less emotionally charged. When people understand your reality, the tension often drops.

You’re not closing the door on helping in small ways. You’re simply refusing a role that would have swallowed your entire day, your future plans, and your peace of mind.

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