I Refuse to Give My Stepdaughter Any Money — And I Have 2 Reasons Why

Treating your stepchildren just like your own children can be challenging. Erin felt that she was doing the right thing by not giving her stepdaughter money, even though her son receives pocket money from her on a weekly basis. Unsure if she was right in trying to teach her stepdaughter a valuable lesson, she wrote to Bright Side, hoping for advice and reassurance.

Thank you, Erin, for trusting us with your story. It might be challenging to teach a teenager the importance of money, especially when she accuses you of not treating her fairly. We gathered some expert advice for you, and we hope it will help you find the right approach to your stepdaughter.

Communicate clearly.

Sit down with your stepdaughter for an open and honest conversation. Take the time to explain your reasons for not giving her money directly and how your decision is rooted in broader principles rather than favoritism.

Start by acknowledging her feelings and the difficulties she’s facing to show that you understand her perspective. Then, explain that your decision isn’t about how much you care about her, but rather about teaching her important lessons on the value of money and the benefits of hard work. Let her know that, unlike your son, who earns his allowance through chores, you want her to learn and appreciate the effort needed to earn money.

Establish chores

Create a detailed list of household chores that your stepdaughter can take on to earn money. This list could include tasks like helping with meal preparation, cleaning common areas, organizing her room, or assisting with gardening. By assigning specific responsibilities, you provide her with clear and tangible ways to contribute to the household and earn her own allowance. This approach not only helps her learn the value of hard work but also encourages a sense of accomplishment and financial independence.

Offer non-monetary rewards.

Consider providing rewards other than money, such as extra screen time, a special outing, or a favorite meal. This can show her that effort and good behavior are appreciated in various ways. For example, you might allow her an additional hour of screen time on weekends for consistently completing her chores, or plan a special family outing to a place she enjoys, like an amusement park or a zoo, as a reward for her hard work. Additionally, you could cook her favorite meal or let her choose a movie for family movie night.

Encourage savings.

Teach both your son and stepdaughter the importance of saving money. Help them set up savings goals and understand the benefits of managing their finances wisely. You can start by explaining the concept of saving and how it can help them achieve their future goals, such as buying something they really want, saving for college, or even planning for a big trip.

Be consistent.

Maintain consistency in your approach to both children. Apply rules and expectations equally to foster a sense of fairness and balance in the family. Set clear guidelines for earning allowances, completing chores, and behavior expectations.

Discuss and establish household rules as a family, involving both your son and stepdaughter. This helps them feel included and understand that the rules apply to everyone equally.

Erin struggled to teach her stepdaughter the value of money. Indeed, money can often be a reason for tension in families. Another reader reached out to us hoping to get advice on a similar subject. She refused to contribute her savings to her stepdaughter's college fund, and was shocked when her husband's ex gave her a harsh ultimatum.