I Refuse to Keep Supporting My Daughter and Her 5 Kids for Free

As parents, we want to make sure that our kids have everything they could possibly want and need. But that becomes harder when they have families of their own. In those cases, when a child reaches out, it tugs on our emotions, but we can’t always help. One of our readers shared her experience.

This is June’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

My daughter is 25 and already has 5 kids from 4 different men. I understand that it is partially my fault, I should’ve been a better mother to her and taught her more about life. But believe me, I’m paying the price for it now.

Last year, after the twins were born, she lost her job and shortly after that, their dad took off. My daughter came to me and asked if I could help her out. I agreed and let them move in with me. A few months ago, my daughter started dating again, and the boyfriend moved in as well.

So I’ve had 7 extra people under my roof for the last few months, and we cover all their expenses. From their food, to their bills and the school expenses for the two older kids. It hasn’t been easy. We have both had to make arrangements to get more money in while they do nothing to contribute.

Well, last week my daughter turned 26, and at her Birthday party she gathered us all in the living room. I was nervous because I knew it couldn’t be good news. Then she said she had a “surprise” for us. Everyone waited anxiously, and then she said the two words I never wanted to hear again.

My heart dropped the second the words “I’m pregnant!” left her mouth. This was the worst possible time for her to get pregnant again. The twins were barely a year old and she and only known this guy for a few months. How could she be sure he wouldn’t be like all the rest?

I was furious when I pulled her aside to ask her what she was thinking, but she just shrugged off my concern. So I told her that if she planned on bringing another child into my house, she had better start helping out.

I was not going to keep working myself to death to cover her costs. She needed to start paying her own expenses and helping with the housework. If she didn’t want to, she was welcome to leave. She was devastated and accused me of robbing my grandchildren of a future.

So Bright Side, is she right? Should I stand by what I said, or should I be more considerate of the position she was putting my grandchildren in?

Regards,
June L

Some advice from our Editorial team.

Dear June,

Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing your story.

If you want to help your grandchildren without letting your daughter drag you under, you need to separate “supporting the kids” from “enabling your daughter.”

Right now, she’s living in a system where every crisis gets absorbed by you so she never has to confront what her choices cost. That’s why she could announce a pregnancy like it was a cute surprise instead of a responsibility she’d have to shoulder.

You weren’t wrong to tell her that another baby means she has to contribute. In fact, it’s the first moment you’ve asked her to face reality. But here’s the key: don’t make it an all-or-nothing eviction threat, and don’t backtrack either.

You can keep your home available for the children while requiring your daughter to either step up or step out. That means putting it in concrete terms, if she wants to keep living under your roof with this new baby, she must get a job, contribute financially, and actively parent her children.

If she refuses, you hold her accountable; she can leave, but the kids don’t get punished for her choices. You can pursue temporary guardianship, take over care during the day, or structure the home so the kids stay stable while she finds housing or support services.

Your daughter will call it “robbing her children,” but it’s the opposite; you’re showing them what stability and responsibility look like. The only way this cycle stops is if you stop absorbing the fallout of her decisions while still giving her kids the structure they desperately need.

June’s situation is not an easy one, especially since she just wants what’s best for her grandchildren. But she isn’t the only one with family struggles.

Another one of our readers reached out to share their story. You can read the full version here: My Mother-in-Law Called Me a ’Terrible Mother’ but My Husband Stayed Silent.