I Sacrificed My Weekends for a Year—My Coworker Attended Zero Events and Got Promoted

Sometimes we think we are doing everything right at work, only to realize we focused on the wrong things. Recently, one of our readers wrote to us feeling hurt after discovering that what she thought impressed her boss in the office did not truly matter. While she was making sacrifices, a coworker was taking a different approach. Her story raises a question many people quietly face at work.

Tory’s letter:

Hello there, Bright Side.

At my company we have these Saturday “team lunches” twice a month. They’re not officially mandatory, but everyone knows they’re... expected. The boss rents out a private room at some trendy burger place or steakhouse, we eat and talk about “big picture stuff.”

Promotions get hinted at there. Projects get casually reassigned there. If you’re not in the room, you miss things.

So for the past three years, I’ve been in that room. Twice a month. On Saturdays. From noon to 3 or 4 PM. Which means I’ve missed birthday parties, soccer games and family barbecues.

I kept telling myself this is how you show commitment. This is how you get ahead. Face time matters.

Except Sarah never goes.

She always responds in the group chat with something like, “Can’t make it, family day,” and that’s it. And she keeps getting promoted.

At first I assumed she was just quietly brilliant. Fine. But after the second promotion in under two years, while I’m still in the same role, it started eating at me.

I’m the one sacrificing weekends. I’m the one showing up to every single lunch, laughing at the boss’s stories, engaging in every brainstorming session. Meanwhile she’s home.

Last week I stayed late to wrap up a report. I walked past the boss’s office and saw Sarah inside. Door slightly open. I didn’t plan to listen, but I heard them deep in conversation and froze.

She had a full presentation up. Slides. Data. Forecasts. It wasn’t casual.

It was sharp and focused. She knew her numbers better than anyone I’ve seen at those Saturday lunches.

Then I heard my boss say something that honestly made my stomach twist. He told her he respected that she protects her weekends for family because it shows priorities and boundaries, and that those are leadership qualities.

I just stood there feeling like an idiot.

For three years I’ve been trading weekends with my kids for burgers and small talk because I thought visibility equaled value. Meanwhile, she’s been using actual work hours to build influence and present real solutions.

The next day I asked my boss directly what I needed to do differently. I mentioned that I’ve been consistently present at every team lunch and deeply engaged.

He said something that I can’t get out of my head: attendance doesn’t equal performance. He said Sarah delivers measurable impact during business hours, and that’s what he promotes.

I left feeling embarrassed and honestly kind of resentful. No one forced me to go to those lunches. But they absolutely feel like part of the culture.

If they truly don’t matter, why structure them like semi-strategic meetings? Why discuss projects there at all?

Now I’m stuck. I can’t quit. I have a mortgage and two kids. But I also feel like I’ve been playing the wrong game for three years and paying for it with time I’ll never get back.

Please help,
Tory

Thank you for opening up to us. It takes courage to admit when something feels unfair, especially when part of you worries you may have misunderstood the situation. Below are some evidence-based insights and practical, forward-thinking strategies that may help you recalibrate.

• Audit what actually gets promoted. Study the last few people who advanced. What measurable results did they deliver? Research shows career success is strongly tied to task performance and strategic contribution, not just extra-role participation.
• Shift from effort to deliberate practice. Repeating the same behavior does not guarantee growth. Anders Ericsson’s research on deliberate practice shows improvement comes from targeted, feedback-driven effort rather than time invested. Focus on skills that directly impact revenue, efficiency, or client retention.
• Redesign parts of your role instead of waiting to be noticed. Employees who actively reshape their tasks and responsibilities experience greater engagement and career progress. This concept, known as job crafting, has strong empirical support. Propose initiatives that position you as a problem solver.

• Protect energy as a performance strategy, not a luxury. Research on work boundaries shows that structured limits improve focus and long-term productivity. It demonstrates that constant availability reduces effectiveness rather than increasing it. Guarding personal time can enhance executive function and decision-making.
• Protect your family time as a long-term investment. Research consistently shows that strong family relationships are one of the most powerful predictors of life satisfaction and well-being. Career wins are temporary, but relationships shape lifelong happiness and resilience. Schedule important family moments the way you would schedule a key meeting, and treat them as non-negotiable.

These moves are not about working more. They are about aligning your efforts with what truly drives advancement. We wish you much strength.

What would you do in her place? Do you believe showing up matters more than results, or the other way around? Share your thoughts in the comments below. Your story might inspire our next article.

And if you enjoy stories about unexpected turning points, take a look at this one: I Was the Family Joke for Not Having Kids—Until They Saw My Will.