I Started to Work and My Stepmom Quit Her Job on Purpose Hoping I’d Provide

Family & kids
2 weeks ago
I Started to Work and My Stepmom Quit Her Job on Purpose Hoping I’d Provide

Many young adults face emotional and financial manipulation from parents or stepparents, especially after becoming financially independent. This story explores family guilt dynamics and expert-backed advice on setting boundaries and reclaiming autonomy.

Kate’s letter:

Hey Bright Side!

I (23F) finally started my first full-time job about three months ago. Nothing crazy, just an entry-level office gig, but honestly? It felt huge. I was proud, first time paying my own rent, buying groceries, not depending on anyone.

Then, my stepmom dropped this bomb that she got fired. I felt bad for her, until she said, dead serious, “I’ve sacrificed enough for this family. Now it’s your turn.”

Eric
2 weeks ago

Your parents should bill you for everything they did for you up until you got a job, and then when it's all paid off, you're all square.

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At first, I laughed a little because I thought she was joking. But she wasn’t. She said it like she meant it, like I somehow owed her for raising me.

I looked at my dad, waiting for him to jump in or laugh or something, but he said something like that I never needed anything while I was growing up. They made sure of that. Now it was my turn to help out for a while.

So I did, at first. I started covering small things: groceries, bills, gas.

Annmarie
2 weeks ago

You don’t owe step or dad anything, you didn’t ask to be born. It’s the law parents must fed clothed & put a roof over your head. Go n/contact forever. Best of luck to you.

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But the more I helped, the more they leaned on me. Suddenly, I was paying for things I never agreed to, utilities, gas, even their phone plan. Eventually, I couldn’t keep up. My paycheck barely covered my own rent, let alone theirs.

So I asked my dad if he could help out until I got paid again. He refused. Said I should “learn what it’s like to take responsibility.”

Casper
2 weeks ago

Oh wait, that wasn't mentioned before. It sounded like your were still living with them. Aw heck no, you were raised to fend for yourself, you are doing just that. They need to figure it out

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That’s when things started to click. They weren’t struggling. They just decided I was their new safety net.

Every time I tried to talk about boundaries or saving money for myself, they’d guilt-trip me with lines like, “After everything we’ve done for you,” or “You wouldn’t even have this job if it weren’t for us.”

Sonny Carothers
2 weeks ago

Are your grandparents alive? If so you should ask them how much money your father gives them? If they tell you nothing, then you should tell your father & stepmom as soon as they pay your grandparents bills you will pay theirs. If it makes them angry then call them out on their B...S...,

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I’m honestly shaking writing this. What do you even do when your own parents treat your hard work like their backup plan? Do I walk away?

Am I being selfish for wanting to keep what little I’ve earned for myself? I worked so hard to get here, to be independent, and somehow they still found a way to make me feel like I owe them everything.

Best,
Kate

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Phyllis Popp
week ago

You helped them and went above and beyond and now they feel entitled to you supporting them indefinitely. Nope. Put on your own oxygen mask first. Block them if necessary. They need to get off their lazy butts and get jobs and take care of themselves.

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Mary L. Robinson
2 weeks ago

You living in your own place, 23 years old and they are telling you what to do with your own money and you do it! Make that make some sense to everyone that has read this story. Girl get a grip. The word is NO. Dummy move on your part

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Terri
2 weeks ago

Go no contact. Parents are responsible for you until 18. You are not responsible for them. Step mommy needs to get another job.

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Drew
2 weeks ago

Tell your parents to pay there own way your Dad decided to have you so it's his responsibility. Walk away now they are living a comfortable life off of you while you struggle to pay rent. Time for no contact let them see what happens when you are not there.

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Judy Acereto
2 weeks ago

Tell them you got fired then stop paying their bills. Self protection, you will drown if you keep this up. Parents are REQUIRED BY LAW to pay for their child's upbringing. Even greedy ones. You owe them nothing. Block them. Change locks if necessary. Change logins, passwords, even account numbers if necessary.

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Sheryl Nelson
2 weeks ago

LEAVE NOW AND DON'T LOOK BACK! IT WAS THEIR RESPONSIBILITY TO PROVIDE FOR YOU WHILE GROWING UP! TIME THEY TOOK RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEMSELVES. YOU DON'T OWE THEM A THING!!!

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Vance Satchell
2 weeks ago

It's their job to get you to adulthood.
Fuck them, tell them NO, then stop taking their texts and calls. Block them. You don't owe them shit.
I'm 50 and will help my family if they are in a bind but if they tried to use me I'd cut them from my life like they were a tick.

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Shaena Spencer
2 weeks ago

STOP being a doormat!! Learn to set boundaries and say NO. If you're paying rent then you obviously don't live with them?? Let them FALL! Stepmonster got some nerve! Your dad is a leech and a simp. Cut them BOTH out or at the least keep them at arms length!! No more tell them the free ride is OVER!!

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Jennifer Marks
2 weeks ago

When people have kids they legally are supposed to supoort them and raise them.. its called being a parent.. its appalling they are mooching off you.. sounds like your dad is weak and you step mom is just guilting you into this.. go to you own apartment and handle your own expenses .. you may need to go no contact.. make sure they don't have access to any of your accounts/car etc

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barbara Nivens
2 weeks ago

Inform them that it was their job as parents to do that for you. It's the bare minimum to provide clothing, food etc. However, it's not your job to do it for them. So, stop. Sounds like you live by yourself. And if not, get out. Say no and save whatever you can. You have no reason to feel guilty. They, however, should. Go LC/NC.

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Annmarie
2 weeks ago

Inform your delusional father & step you didn’t ask to be born, it’s the law to provide for your child. Stop paying their bills concentrate on your own life & building a safety net for yourself. You’re not their retirement plan. Wishing you the best.

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Cheryl Cadwell
2 weeks ago

People who EXPECT their kids to support them because "LOOK AT ALL WE DID FOR YOU" are the most selfish people of all. No one forced them to have children and once they do, IT'S THEIR OWN RESPONSIBILITY, AND YOU OWE THEM NOTHING. STOP ENABLING THEM. Tell your stepmother to PISS OFF, and your father is no better. Go live your best life WITHOUT THEM. If you choose to and are blessed to have children, just remember, that they are YOUR RESPONSIBILITY until they are 18. After that THEY OWE YOU NOTHING, LIKE YOU OWE YOUR SM & FATHER NOTHING. Don't let them do it to you. Children don't have the choice to be born and they are not required to "pay back" what it cost to raise them.

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Hey, thanks so much for sharing your story, Kate, that took real courage. We know how heavy that kind of family situation can be, so we pulled together some advice that might actually help you navigate it. You deserve support that feels real, not empty words.

  • You can love them and still walk away — It’s not all-or-nothing, you know? You don’t have to hate your dad or stepmom to stop letting them drain you. You can love them, wish them well, and still say, “I can’t be responsible for your choices.” Love doesn’t mean becoming someone’s emotional or financial punching bag.
  • Stop explaining yourself to people who don’t listen — If you’ve already tried to explain how you feel, and they still twist it, you’re not having a conversation, you’re being gaslit. Stop trying to make them understand. They don’t want to. Save your explanations for people who are capable of hearing you.
  • Being angry doesn’t make you ungrateful — You’re allowed to be furious. You’re allowed to feel betrayed. Anger doesn’t erase the good memories, it just means you see the truth now.
    Don’t let anyone convince you your emotions make you “selfish.” Anger’s just the part of you that still believes you deserve better.

Breaking free from family guilt isn’t easy, but it’s absolutely possible. With self-awareness, boundaries, and the right support, anyone can rebuild trust in themselves and create a life defined by choice, not obligation.

Read next: My Sister Swears She’ll Move Out Soon, but I Feel Like I’m Being Played

Comments

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crazygirl
2 weeks ago

You're just being dramatic, that's all i can say. poor parent thought they can depend on their daughter...after giving her everything they can as you said

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Kathy Kennedy
2 weeks ago

For starters, what is your dad doing during all this, is he employed or retired? Helping in a hard spot is one thing, this 0 to 60 of responsibility is something else. They gave you support (theoretically) when you needed it prior to full-time employment but they would have had much better ability, financially, to do so and I assume you were working at least part-time Were you living at home on or mostly on their dime in the 4 years or so (HS grad to 23) before this full-time job - was there friction in the relationship during that time? To try to stretch a beginner paycheck to support a full household is quite an expectation. You don't say if the rent you pay is to them because you live at home still or if you are trying to support your own small place as well as theirs. I would somehow assume they have far more options for income than you do and they are trying to force you into some obtuse vision of self-reliance maybe ( forcing you out from under the supporting parental wing ) Unfortunately this tac and its sudden stress surge could be more likely to end up causing NC for a time than anything else. And did your step actually lose her job or is this your parents effort to literally shove you out of the nest because they see you as taking too much time to launch yourself?

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Tracy G.
2 weeks ago

Oh wow that’s rough. You’re not being selfish at all, you're being taken advantage of. Helping out is one thing but they’ve turned it into an expectation. You worked hard for your independence and you have every right to protect it!🙌

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Lara
2 weeks ago

If you can't help out your family in their time of need, then you're really selfish! You said you just got a job and started paying rent? Who was covering all your expenses until then?

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