I Honestly Told My Fiancée That Her Dream Wedding Dress Is Not Good

Misunderstandings and conflicts are bound to arise in every relationship, and it is really next to impossible to ever come across a couple who doesn’t fight. That doesn’t make the love the two partners have for each other any less, and in many cases, it brings them closer than before.

One of our Bright Side readers faced this problem and sent us an e-mail where he asked for a piece of advice from other Bright Siders.

Dear Paul, it sounds like your fiancée was unprepared for the possibility of negative feedback, and we understand you must be feeling awful and lost at the moment. But don’t worry, we at Bright Side gathered some tips to help you to get out of this situation with the least possible damage, and here’s what we think.

• First off, you’re totally allowed to be surprised that she chose something that doesn’t match the overall wedding theme, as the wedding dress is definitely one of the most eye-catching elements of your big day. However, the way you put it out there was not constructive criticism. But the good thing is that you still have hope to salvage the situation.

• Second, your fiancée has reacted to your feedback poorly by refusing to communicate with you for days, but please remember that she did so for relatable, non-malicious reasons in the context of the stress of planning for a wedding.
  She was obviously really excited and wanted to share her excitement with you, and you burst her bubble. Thus, to start with, having understanding of her reaction is crucial at this stage. She’ll be processing a lot of feelings right now, which is why she’s not talking to you — let her do her processing.

• Meanwhile, you can try to text her telling that you were just surprised because it was so different from what you had in mind and that’s why you reacted like you did. Let her know you respect her wishes, and comfort her by adding “If you love it, I’m happy that you’re happy, even if I don’t love everything about the dress”.
  

• Next, you can ask her to come back home to try it on again, because now that you know what to expect, you could see it with an open mind. Consider telling her that with some minor alterations, you would totally love it. There are plenty of options to easily add sparkle to a plain wedding dress, such as belts/sashes, bracelets, necklaces. The bouquets and a nice veil/hairpieces will also add an instant pop to her whole look.

• However, it’s very probable that now whenever your fiancée looks at the dress, she’s going to be thinking about how you initially didn’t like it, and be feeling really self-conscious about it, as it’s very common for brides to second guess their dress based off of opinions of others.
  So, if she is not for tailoring the dress to get it closer to your vision and the wedding theme, she might instead be considering to opt for a different one.
  She could call the bridal shop and explain the situation. Even if a refund is out of question, they might still accept exchanging the dress for a different one.

• Worse come to worst, if the bridal shop refuses to cooperate, there’s a market for wedding items — plenty of online companies will list your unused frock and take a cut if it sells. She can also talk with local consignment shops, or even see if any salons are having off-the-rack sample sales.

• With all that said, if you sense that your fiancée actually refuses to make any alterations to the dress because she loves it as it is, nor to exchange it with a different one, then please remember that after all, a wedding dress isn’t based on the simplicity or intricacy of it, it’s based on the fact that she feels comfortable and beautiful in it.
  Moreover, she will wear it once and put it in the back of her closet, never to be seen again. So as a last resort, it is better to eventually accept it as it is to avoid unnecessary escalation of the conflict and end on a positive note: “You’re beautiful no matter what you wear, and I can’t wait to marry you.”

How would you react if a loved one hurt your feeling by facing you with an ugly truth? We hope these tips will ease your situation and that your relationship with your future wife will go back to normal before you know it.