My Brother Keeps Playing With My Daughter’s Hair, and It Makes Her Uncomfortable

Family boundaries can be tricky, especially when someone doesn’t realize they’re crossing a line. One reader shares her struggle with a brother who insists on playing with her teenage daughter’s hair, even after being told it makes the girl uncomfortable. Now, the family finds themselves torn between protecting feelings and avoiding a bigger conflict.

We got a message from our reader.

Thank you for reaching out to us! We understand this is a complicated situation, and we’re here to offer you some thoughtful tips.

Set clear boundaries.

It’s important that both Amy and you continue to make it clear that her hair is off-limits. You’ve already expressed how it makes her feel uncomfortable, and that should be respected. Boundaries aren’t just suggestions, they help ensure everyone feels safe and respected.

Explain the difference in affection.

Let him know that while bonding and affection are important, touching someone’s hair without permission is intrusive. You can compare it to how some people might not like being hugged or touched on their heads, it’s about personal space. You can also say that affection between family members can happen in many ways, like talking, playing games, or just spending time together.

Suggest alternative ways to bond.

He can still bond with Amy in ways that don’t involve physical touch. Maybe they could do activities together, like playing a game or watching a movie, where they can interact without crossing any boundaries. This will help him express affection in ways that are comfortable for both of them.

Limit interaction if needed.

If your brother keeps touching Amy's hair despite her discomfort, you might need to limit their time together or set clear conditions for future visits. Let him know that while you value family connections, it's important that everyone feels respected in the household.

You can say, "We want you to have a good relationship with Amy. But if she feels uncomfortable, we’ll have to reduce how much time you spend together until the boundaries are respected."

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