My Brother Made Me Guardian of His Son’s Money, I Refuse to Give Any of It to His Widow

Family relationships are complicated, and things can get even worse when money comes in between. Resentment is a common feeling when someone can’t get their hands on that money and tensions arise. This is exactly what happened when a woman lost her husband but couldn’t access money left for their kid.

My brother James was married to Elle for 10 years. They had one child at that time, my nephew Caden (16). Elle had five miscarriages as well, and that’s something I mention because it will come up later. Caden was only 5 when James died. Before he died, James was awarded money for a lapse in medical care which cost him his life ultimately.

James wanted the largest part to go to Caden, and when he was sorting his estate and final wishes, he asked if I would become the caretaker of the money. He had it in a bank account but wanted to be 100% satisfied it would go to Caden alone. He said it wasn’t about Elle or how much he trusted her, but she would remarry, and he had no way of knowing if the man who came into their lives could be trusted.

And since he wouldn’t get to see Caden grow up, he wanted to secure some stability for Caden’s future. I agreed, and when he died he left me in charge of the bank account with the money. It wasn’t put into a trust or anything like that. But only I have access to it.

Elle was understanding of everything at the time, and we remained on good terms for a couple of years, but then things soured a little. It was unrelated to the money, but she had started dating someone and when I met him I felt something was off about him. She saw it as me not wanting her to move on.

But they broke, and it turned out I was right. However, the damage to the relationship was done. We were civil for Caden’s sake after that. Elle did remarry a few years ago. Her husband has children of his own, and this is where the point of the post comes in.

One of her stepchildren (husband’s children) was involved in a near-fatal accident while with their maternal grandparents. Elle and her husband were trying to get to her because she was out of the country. Elle said she needed some of Caden’s money so they could go there.

She told me she wasn’t sure how much in total she’d need by the time everything was sorted, but she knew there would be enough to cover everything and still leave Caden with money. Elle tried to guilt-trip me into giving her money, saying that she lost five children. She has pointed out that in an emergency, I refused to give her even a small portion of the money.

I told her the money was for Caden and Caden alone, and I wasn’t giving her any of it. That I was sorry for what they were going through, but the money needed to come from somewhere else. I spoke to Caden the same day, and he asked me not to give any of the money up if asked again. He said he knew his mom was going to keep asking if they didn’t get money from anywhere else. I promised Caden I’d keep the money safe.

I was asked again a number of times. Eventually, the money did come from somewhere else. But Elle and her husband ended up taking on debt because of her stepdaughter’s accident. Elle is angry that I was sitting on a large sum of money for Caden and wouldn’t let her use any of it for a real emergency. She said it was the wrong decision and totally callous.

Let’s see what Redditors had to say about this situation.

• You did the right thing, and I’m saying this from personal experience. I was in Caden’s shoes. My father died, leaving me with a sum of money.
  Somehow, my mom got access to it and almost completely ruined my life. I spent most of the money cleaning up the mess my mother made, as well as trying to help my stepmother keep a roof over my siblings’ heads.
  Protect his future, no matter what’s going on. That money is from his father for him to help build a stable life. Not to bail other people out, even in emergencies.
  They’ll just have to figure out their own problems, just like they would have if he hadn’t left anything. Don’t let anyone else change your mind about that. © Opposite-Bar-2598 / Reddit
• I do think it’s quite interesting that Caden also didn’t want the money to be used for that. No hesitation. He’s right in the thick of it, so sees a lot more than you do.
  May be time for a private chat with him. Make sure things are OK at home, how he’s treated, etc.
  You could use his future plans regarding education, training, etc. as an excuse. And if his mom tries to tag along again it will, again, show she sees the money as hers as his future is his decision. © WeirdPinkHair / Reddit
• This is exactly why James chose you and not Elle. Elle is the one who messed up here, and her main problem is that she sees this money as hers. I think if she came and asked for a debt, or at least said “I am taking X and will return it by Y, here is the written agreement”, the outcome would be completely different.
  No, instead she said “I will not take everything,” she never even mentioned re-payment. If someone is callous here, it is Elle. © Random_Dar / Reddit

Many times, people don’t realize their boundaries. This is exactly what happened to this man, who thought his fiancé’s inheritance was his to use. She gave him a lesson he will have a hard time forgetting.