We all dream of a marriage where honesty and transparency rule. But Lorraine felt compelled to lie in her marriage for a reason. She never told her husband how much she was making because she wanted to save half of her money for her daughter’s future. When her husband finally found out, his reaction was so unexpected that it completely shocked both Lorraine and her daughter. Now, she’s reaching out to us for some advice.
I read the responses and found it interesting that no one mentioned your betrayal of your husband. You lied by omission. Shorted him on whatever agreement you had. YES he was wrong to react the way he did, childish actually. But you betrayed him financially. Divorce is extreme to me. This is a business aspect of your relationship and not a "family" issue which your husband made into a family issue unfortunately. THEY have issues it seems; she's your Achillies heal. He's using that against you. Like I said childish.
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Lorraine, thanks for opening up and sharing your story with us. We’ve put together some tips that we really hope will be helpful for you.
I think they are way past the communicating openly.
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Set up a meeting with your husband and consider having a professional mediator present to ensure the discussion remains calm. Explain why you decided to keep your extra earnings a secret and share your concerns about your daughter’s future. Emphasize the need to work together as a team when dealing with family issues. This can help resolve any misunderstandings and allow you both to find a way forward together.
Create a comprehensive financial plan to manage household expenses and save for your daughter’s college. Propose a fair way to compensate your husband for the rent he’s covered, while still prioritizing your daughter’s education fund.
Detail your current and future income, savings, and expenses to ensure transparency and show your commitment to financial cooperation.
Consult a family lawyer to fully understand your rights and obligations. Considering your husband’s extreme actions, it’s vital to know how to safeguard your daughter’s interests and ensure her needs are met. A lawyer can also help you address the financial conflict and advise on any potential effects on your marriage.
Participate in family counseling sessions with your husband and daughter to tackle the emotional fallout from this situation. A professional therapist can assist you in processing your emotions, enhancing communication, and rebuilding trust. This approach is especially helpful for your daughter, who might feel stuck in the middle and needs reassurance and support from both you and her stepfather.
