My In-laws Invited Everyone to a Family Gathering — Except For My Kids

Family & kids
2 months ago

Experiencing the rejection or exclusion of her children is one of the most challenging emotions for a mother. Nadine, a Bright Side reader, recently confronted such a situation. She was deeply troubled to observe her in-laws treating her kids differently from their other grandchildren and excluding them from a significant family occasion. Seeking guidance, Nadine turned to us for support.

Here is Nadine’s letter.

*My husband treated them as his own because he loves me... sorry?so he tolerates your kids because of you? He doesn't see your children as his but something that he has to put up with to be close to you, nothing else.
If I were you, I'd have a serious conversation with your husband, either your children are accepted or you don't come along and maybe it's time to think about your marriage... He's just waiting for the children to be old enough that he can force them out of the house... He tolerates your children because he has to, nothing else and he agrees with his parents says a lot because he doesn't argue against them regarding the children.

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Reply

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Nadine!
We've compiled some tips that we hope will assist you in navigating this sensitive situation.

Initiate a heartfelt conversation with your husband.

Arrange a quiet, private moment to sit down with your husband. Share your feelings openly and honestly about how his lack of support during the family dinner affected you. Provide specific examples, such as the impact of seeing all the grandchildren except Fred and Sara.

Encourage him to also express his perspective. This dialogue can foster a deeper understanding of each other's feelings and help both of you find a way to address the situation together, presenting a united front in dealing with his parents.

Establish clear boundaries with your in-laws.

It's crucial to set firm boundaries with your in-laws regarding the treatment of Fred and Sara within the family. Engage in a respectful yet assertive conversation with them about their exclusionary behavior and its impact on your children.

Highlight that Fred and Sara hold a significant place in your family and deserve to be treated with the same love and acceptance as any other grandchild. Encourage them to make a conscious effort to include your children in upcoming family gatherings and activities.

Consider family therapy.

Seek professional assistance from a family therapist or counselor who can facilitate productive communication and problem-solving within your family dynamic. Family therapy sessions offer a safe space for you, your husband, and potentially even your in-laws to address underlying issues and work toward reconciliation.

With the guidance of a neutral third party, you can gain valuable insights and strategies for navigating challenging family dynamics and finding constructive solutions.

Reach out to extended family members for support.

Reach out to other family members who may offer more support and understanding in your situation. They can provide emotional support and potentially intervene with your in-laws on your behalf.

Having allies within the family can reinforce the significance of accepting Fred and Sara as essential members of the family, irrespective of biological ties.

Kate is another mother who found herself in an uncomfortable situation. She was devastated when her husband refused to pay her son's college tuition, insisting that his biological dad should be responsible. Seeking guidance, she reached out to us for advice.


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