My Parents Adopted My Baby and Now Expect Me to Raise Him

What would you do if your parents made a life-changing decision for you when you were a teenager and now, years later, expect you to take responsibility for it? Our reader “B.”, 28, shared her story with us, and it raises big questions about family, loyalty, and boundaries. We invite you to read her experience and draw your own conclusions.

This was the message that “B” sent us:

Hi, Bright Side.

I’m B., 28. I never thought I’d be writing something like this, but here I am.

When I was 17, I got pregnant. The relationship was messy and unstable, and the guy pushed hard for me to keep the baby, promising he would be there for us. I was young, scared, and had no idea what I was doing. A few weeks after my son was born, he disappeared completely.

At that point, I wanted to give the baby up for adoption to another family. I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mother, emotionally or financially. I felt overwhelmed and completely lost. And that’s when my parents stepped in.

They said there was no way their grandchild was going to be raised by strangers. They insisted they would adopt him themselves and raise him as their own. They told me it would be better for everyone: the baby would stay in the family, I could still finish school and build my life, and they would handle all the responsibility.

So, eventually, I agreed.

They legally adopted him. New last name, paperwork, everything. They named him J., and to the rest of the world, he’s my little brother.

I moved out as soon as I could and tried to start over. At family gatherings, I played my role. He grew up calling me his sister, and over time, that’s what he became to me too. I’ve never felt like his mother. We’re not especially close.

To be fair, my parents were good to him. They truly were. They centered their lives around him and gave him everything. But now they’re in their seventies, and their health is declining.

A few weeks ago, they sat me down and told me they expect me to take him in and raise him myself. And of course I said no. This was their decision. They insisted on adopting him. I already gave up control of my life once to make things easier for everyone else, and I don’t want to do it again.

They completely lost it. Crying, yelling, and calling me selfish and ungrateful.

A few days later, I went to their house to pick up some documents and found a folder. Inside were emails from families interested in adopting a teenage boy. Some of them were recent.

On the cover, my mom had written, “If B. refuses.” So if I don’t take him, their plan is to give him to someone else.

Now my whole family is involved, treating my parents like saints and saying I’m heartless for “abandoning my brother”. And honestly, the worst part is that I don’t even feel the huge emotional pull everyone expects me to feel. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. But I also don’t feel like my life should automatically revolve around him because of choices I didn’t fully make.

So that’s the situation.

Am I actually wrong for saying no? Or am I just being pressured into fixing something I never asked for in the first place? Thanks.

Some advice for B (and anyone else in her position) from our team.

Thank you for sharing such a personal and difficult story with us.

Being forced into a family decision as a teenager and now facing pressure decades later can leave you feeling torn and guilty. It’s important to remember that you are not responsible for choices that were never yours. Psychologists explain that setting clear boundaries with family is essential for protecting your well-being and maintaining respect in relationships.

In addition, experts on parentification say that taking on adult responsibilities too early can create long-term stress and complicated feelings about loyalty. Also, communicating honestly about what you are willing and able to do, seeking support, and focusing on your own mental and emotional health can help you navigate family pressure without sacrificing your well-being.

Ultimately, standing by your decisions doesn’t make you heartless; it means you are taking care of yourself while navigating an extremely difficult situation, and we hope you find peace and clarity as you move forward.

Was B. wrong to refuse to take her “brother” in? We want to hear what you think, so share your thoughts in the comments below!

If you’re interested in more family drama, check out this story about a woman dealing with a messy family conflict over inheritance, where her mom made everything much more complicated.