10 Harmful Things Wise Parents Allow Their Kids to Do
Parents, on social media, write that raising a kid is all about constantly trying to find a balance between making them feel like they can do anything in life and periodically shouting “You can’t do that!”. Reading articles by advanced child psychologists, one can often come across tips about not using prohibitions when raising a child, but we all understand that this is almost impossible.
Nevertheless, there are things parents are banning in vain and we at Bright Side learned about which things we shouldn’t be prohibiting our kids from doing.
Tearing and staining clothing
Unfortunately for these parents, the best way for a child to learn about the outside world is from walking around and exploring their surrounding environment. It’s not surprising that at these moments the kid forgets about how much the clothes they are wearing cost, as well as the name of the fashion designer whose name is written on the label of their T-shirt that they stained in the grass.
If you get disturbed by the expenses you incur by having to get rid of clothes that don’t look presentable anymore, maybe it’s better to split the kid’s wardrobe into one part for walks and the one part for so-called official events?
Eating junk food
Let’s be honest: almost every kid likes junk food — all those salty snacks, greasy doughnuts, and sweets that leave a sticky mess on kids’ hands who later go and touch everything around them. When parents ban this type of food, it becomes a taboo in the kid’s mind and gets eaten at the first opportunity.
Experts believe that parents should occasionally buy junk food for their kids in order to make them understand that they can have a pack of chips at home without having to eat the whole bag at once. Moreover, kids will realize there is no need to hide a bag of secretly eaten candy from their mother.
Spending personal money on useless things
According to a survey, modern children often spend personal money on outing with friends, digital devices or downloads, toys, clothes or shoes, and food or transportation fare. Many parents consider it silly to spend money on useless things, so they often try to limit the kid from making unnecessary purchases with the help of bans or lectures. However, parents should stop using this approach for 2 reasons:
- First of all, once you have given money to your child, it has become their property. And it’s only they who can decide what to spend this money on. This is especially important in families where kids make money for doing household chores.
- Second, it might be helpful for a kid to spend money on nonsense and then regret doing it. Only by doing it, will they learn how to control their spending and differentiate current-moment desires from really important needs and wishes.
Psychologists are seriously concerned that modern children have become much more anxious, preoccupied, and depressed compared to previous generations. The reason partially hides in the fact that many children have to take part in something similar to a race to gain certain knowledge. School curriculum is becoming more and more difficult and saturated, the number of trends is growing too, and social media often makes kids like they fall short in comparison to their surroundings.
That’s why a modern child has an intense need to do nothing. If there is free space in your kid’s schedule, don’t rush to fill it with new tasks. Sometimes it is necessary to not have anything to do and to feel happy and free to do whatever you want.
Sometimes we might even need to create free time for our kids artificially, especially when we notice that they are depressed or tense. Good academic performance is not the main thing, the main thing is the mental and psychological health of the school kid snowed under school tasks. If you see that your kid needs a break, give them an opportunity to slow down and listen to themselves: What do they want? What do they like to do? What are they dreaming about? Because sometimes it’s hard to find the time and energy to search for answers to such simple questions in the whirlpool of all the tasks both parents and kids have.
Arguing with adults
This kind of ban might be dangerous when it comes to kids who are younger. It’s important for them to know that not all adults are equally good and that not all their errands and requests should or even need to be performed right away.
Regarding kids who are older, it’s more a matter of ethics. Unfortunately, wisdom and justice are becoming less and less dependent on a person’s age. Sometimes an elderly person may be mistaken about something or behave in an impolite manner. It’s important to learn to defend your own opinion and personal borders in these situations. Adults, in their turn, need to teach their offspring to do it without arguments, tantrums, and insults (of course, if they can do that themselves).
If you think you have lost control over your teenager because they’ve started to argue with you too often, just remember that arguing is a battlefield for 2, not just one person. And show your kid a positive example by turning arguing into a search for compromises.
Many parents’ eyes start to twitch during shopping with their kids. And it’s not just because of the prices, the huge range of choices, and the constant arguments, but also due to the fact that they disagree with the things that their kids like. Psychologists ask parents to keep calm. After all, it’s not you who is going to wear those ripped jeans or that acid washed hoodie. It’s better to let your kid choose by themselves for 2 reasons:
- By doing this, a kid shapes up their personal “self.” They work on their individuality and find their place in society.
- The second reason is more pragmatic — your kid will wear those clothes instead of hiding them in the depths of their closet. Moreover, they will wear them without having arguments every morning and making grumpy faces.
Many parents are familiar with the term “disobedient child.” At first, it seems there is nothing but an eternal mother’s headache standing behind it. But let’s try to determine what the opposite of that would be. This is a child who automatically obeys and does everything they are asked. This kid will grow into an obedient adult who has no chance of standing up for themselves or their own interests. And trust us, those around them will be glad to take advantage of this feature.
We do agree that raising disobedient kids is an uphill task, but they usually grow into confident adults who are ready to act, instead of whispering “You can’t do that” to themselves.
Doing things that are too adult
Modern psychologists say that kids have started to mature too fast. Well, that’s not surprising, especially in a world where they always hear, “You’re not a kid anymore”, “What kind of childish thing are you doing again?,” or “When are you going to grow up?” from their parents. Kids won’t grow mentally at the click of someone’s fingers — they could pretend to be mature, but they won’t be ready for the difficulties adulthood brings. If your kid maintains their childhood interests and hobbies for a long time, there is no point in keeping them from these things. Let your kid grow at their own pace.
Playing video games
Baldi’s Basics in Education and Learning — is a free survival video game where kids need to solve math tasks in order to get to the next level.
“Some children grow up wanting to play baseball all day, but I wanted to play video games. Sadly, my parents believed I’d fry my brain for the love of video games, so I was limited to an hour of screen time before dinner. But that only fueled covert binging,” says Chris Bergman, the chief executive of a big company that creates apps. He also confessed that he doesn’t prevent his kids from playing computer and phone games, and believes that it’s thanks to this approach that they keep such a calm attitude in this kind of entertainment.
Research found that video games are more useful for a kid’s brain than watching TV. All because games teach their brain to react quickly and read the information. This skill will be useful to kids when they grow up and live in a technologically advanced environment that is even more developed than the current one.
Which things that you were banned from in childhood were actually not as harmful, in your opinion, as they seemed to your parents? What would you recommend to never prohibit a kid from doing?