My Husband Asks Me to Make Dinner and Leaves to Eat at His Mom’s House

Sometimes when you get married, it’s hard to establish good and healthy relationships with your spouse’s relatives. In extreme cases, your mother-in-law can be jealous of you, especially if she raised her only son, and it can be hard for him to establish personal boundaries. Such situations are not rare, and today we want to discuss one of them.

We at Bright Side have received a mail from one of our readers. She is a married woman who is unhappy with the fact that her husband constantly eats meals made by his mother but not her.

We think it’s safe to assume that such problems are not all that rare, so we’ve decided to discuss the above situation and come up with some possible advice on how this woman can solve it.

• First of all, we want to express our support to you — you have a right to be angry. It is very unpleasant when you want to make those close to you happy by cooking them their favorite meals, even though you work a lot and are very tired in the evening, but they don’t value it. Sometimes they don’t do it on purpose, they just don’t realize how important it is to you that they stay and eat the meal you cooked for them at home.

• Sometimes mothers can be jealous of their daughters-in-law. Unfortunately, such cases are not rare. Psychologists say that the reason for it can be the fact that your mother-in-law is very attached to her son. So by cooking and inviting your husband for dinner, she is trying to catch his attention or even show that she is a better chef than you and there is nothing tastier than mom’s food.
  However, her actions can also be understandable. She probably lives alone, and your spouse is her only son, he works a lot and couldn’t dedicate enough mom to communicating with his mom. So her invitations, in this case, may be the only chance she gets to spend enough time with her beloved child.

• Such a situation is a sign that there are poor personal boundaries between your husband and your mother. It seems like she is so attached to her child that she doesn’t care about his personal affairs. But we need to keep in mind that it’s your husband’s choice to go there, instead of trying to say no. Maybe it’s time for him to set up his personal boundaries, making it clear that he has a private life and can’t come anytime she wants him to.

• Still, no matter what the reasons for such a mother-in-law’s behavior are, it is better to maintain good relations with her. Hate is easy, as is antipathy, but love and acceptance is a hard business, especially when this person doesn’t act as you like.
  However, it’s important to find compromises and try to understand what drives her and do something about it in a healthy manner. Maybe you can invite her over during dinner? She can still cook something, like the dessert, and you can all sit and eat it together.

• If none of these helps, try to look for professional advice. It’s totally okay for young couples to solve their family issues with psychologists. Maybe the professional will find another reason why your in-law and your spouse are acting like this. Just make sure your husband understands your feelings toward the situation and admits that it’s better to do something about it on a professional level.

What advice would you give to this woman? Do you have a good relationship with your in-laws?